exboyfriends fantasy burden

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by duttylittle1, Jun 10, 2008.

  1. duttylittle1

    duttylittle1 New Member

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    hi im new *waves*

    so i have a slight problem... my exboyfriend is a majoy voyeur i knew this when i met him ... we live in different cities which caused the relationshipt to end... he tells me hes still in love with me and i do love him still but basically there is a HUGE isse... he has this huge fantasy of watching me in DP (him not involved) anyway im not against it... but im just not sure WHY he'd want this... and its one of many many.... fantasies.... :ugh he seems to think I can just go out and erm "find men in the supermarket to bonk"

    i do want to get back with him... and im upfor trying anything once... just im not sure if hes wanting it for the reason he says; that he wants them out his mind before we settle... or to just get free porn....
     
  2. Dreama

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    Well, the reasons are in his head- He can only tell you what he will. You must choose to trust him or not. If you think he's being dishonest, or are uncomfortable with participating in these things, don't do it. A relationship without trust is no relationship at all, IMO...

    Good luck, and welcome to SF.
     
  3. duttylittle1

    duttylittle1 New Member

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    well i was gonna do it anyway... haha... if that makes sense but he doesnt have to know that ;) (ok im no angel!)... but i do like to give him the impression i sit at home and twiddle my thumbs! haha... its just finding 2 guys...

    sadly i went and found a guy id give my life for even when he p***** me off to the max... we've been through a lot as friends more than lovers... its just he knows he will never get his large penis near my ass :p

    im more curious as to why men like to watch their woman doing the dutty with another guy... i mean he says it gets him off knowing im his and that he likes the whole jealous feeling
     
  4. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    There is nothing wrong with having sex with two guys who double penetrates while your boyfriend watches provided that is something you want to do too. From your posting I believe that there are underlying issues other than his desire to watch you with two other guys that caused your relationship to end.

    Why do guys like to watch their partner having sex with another guy? There are many reasons such as feeling secure in their relationship or fulfilling a fantasy. In your case, based on your posting, I am left to wonder if it is due to his enjoyment of watching or possibly that he does not fully appreciate that seeing you having sex with two other guys is much different than his fantasy. If I had to guess my opinion is that he has had a fantasy of you being double penetrated by two guys without realizing what is involved, from an emotional and relationship, perspective.
     
  5. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    First off, let's say this: honesty goes a long, long way. 'Nuff said?

    Secondly, I get totally turned on by thinking of my wife doing another guy. Or another girl, or me...or pretty much anything that gets her off. Actually, I get turned on by anything that turns her on. And she gets turned on by anything that turns me on. That's pretty cool if you think about it...we feed off each other (pun intended).

    Anyway, I can definitely understand why he'd be turned on by the idea. Don't worry so much about why he might want to do this...if you both are hip to it and don't think it will damage your relationship (assuming you are still together, which I couldn't tell from you post), then what the hell...go for it.

    BD
     
  6. duttylittle1

    duttylittle1 New Member

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    oh well we are a pretty powerful combination and know how to pretty much hurt each other... oh he has had issues (his psych told him its not normal) to have all these fantasies about me... apparently you should fantasise about other people... but yes i get off knowing he gets turned on by it ....
     
  7. Drakonnen

    Drakonnen Member

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    Well, I share the fantasy, honestly.

    I think part of it is just seeing getting to see my wife be completely open sexually by doing something so taboo as fucking two guys at the same time, neither of which is her husband. I think she'd act differently fucking two guys just for the sake of fucking them and physical enjoyment, rather than any emotional attachment.

    It would certainly look hot, and probably feed into mixed feelings of jealous, insecurity and submission in an exciting way, if the guy could handle it.

    Plus it could be an ego trip in some way to see that your wife is so hot that two other guys (preferably good looking as well) would want to do her at the same time and use her as some sort of sex object for their own gratification.

    Maybe the two guys would do things to her I've never done, or please her in ways I haven't been able to, so maybe I'd even learn something from them.

    Also, I think it would be fun to see someone I normally think of as a "good girl" doing something totally and completely slutty or dirty (I'm not saying that it -is- dirty or bad to do it, just it conveys a very naughty impression).

    It just works on so many levels, honestly, although I'd never want to go through with it if my wife wasn't for it. My wife has a DP fantasy herself, though its usually in regard to me being one of the guys along with another man (usually her ex-bf), and we've talked about me watching her with one guy, but never two, so I don't think we'd ever live that out, but I wouldn't be opposed to it if she wanted to and the situation were right.
     
  8. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Well...we all know how to hurt our partners and people that we are close to, but I think most of us try NOT to hurt each other. If you hurt each other on purpose, that doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to me. If you care about someone, you lift them up rather than knocking them down. That's my view, anyway.

    I think every single human being has erotic thoughts about all sorts of things and people, etc. I think a lot of folks just push those erotic thoughts out of their minds because they feel like they are wrong (that's what I used to do myself). I've been told that entertaining erotic thoughts and fantasies makes you more likely to want to do those things, but I'm not sure that's really true. To me, it seems like a great outlet to take those erotic thoughts and express them in a way that both you and your SO can enjoy them. In other words, fantasize together. Each person of course has to be comfortable with that, but if they are....I think it's fine to fantasize about pretty much anything. After all, it's just sexual fantasy. It's the same reason we read books and watch movies...it's "fiction" in a nutshell.

    I think it's each couples decision as to whether they choose to live out any or all of those fantasies. You'll see on this forum that a lot of folks have said that sometimes the fantasy is much better than the reality. Regardless, I think it's each couples choice, and it's one they should make together, with no pressure put on either partner.

    BD
     
  9. duttylittle1

    duttylittle1 New Member

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    hmmm well the thing is its been on my mind for ages.... and he knows this... its the only thing ive not done on my "to do" list..... it turns me on... and it looks like its gonna happen... its just im using 2 ex's (he doesnt know that).... problem being they are both rather well gifted in the pants department!!
     
    #9 duttylittle1, Jun 11, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2008
  10. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    :pics

    Oh...where was I? Oh yeah...so, just make sure that you're not going to have a fight break out or something if he somehow discovers that it's two ex-BF's during the play session.

    Also, unless you really enjoy anal (which you may), you might want to try double vaginal penetration in addition to or instead of...have one guy lay down, you get on top him, and have the other guy get behind you and slide into the same place. ;)

    BD
     
  11. Drakonnen

    Drakonnen Member

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    What is it about girls and their ex-boyfriends? :D

    When/if you do this, even though he won't be participating, I'd suggest he not just sit their clothed and watch.

    I think he needs to be included into the sexual experience to some degree even if he isn't participating, perhaps by masturbating while watching two guys take his girlfriend. ;)
     
  12. duttylittle1

    duttylittle1 New Member

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    v.true.... well i know how they are and i can trust them... and they wont start working on each other ;)
     
  13. Drakonnen

    Drakonnen Member

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    lol, I was just easting you a bit anyways because my wife still gets wet for one of her ex-bf's is all. :)
     
  14. duttylittle1

    duttylittle1 New Member

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    hahah..... wierd... i forget all but the one with the fantasies comes and goes... he's the only one i let come back.... they others are mere toys! :p

    so on another note a mate just said he has no respect asking me to be such a whore.
     
  15. Drakonnen

    Drakonnen Member

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    Well, rule #1, don't tell your friends about it. Honestly, they'll never look at you or your boyfriend the same way again.

    I'd be mortified if anyone I actually knew well knew I wanted to see my wife with other men, or that she was into the fantasy too, lol.

    Even more so if I wasn't one of the participants but just wanted to watch two guys fuck her. My friends would probably want to try to make the fantasy a reality, which I wouldn't want to happen with them. :p

    I almost prefer the idea of meeting two random horny guys at a bar, maybe a pair of friends, and going about it that way. The ex-bf's aren't a bad iddea either though, if they can keep quiet.

    Our fantasy resolves in large part around my wife's ex (and HIS large "part", lol) although I'd be slightly worried afterwards because he is still friends with her and her other friends, so he might decide to tell them all (as guys inevitably do).
     
  16. duttylittle1

    duttylittle1 New Member

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    yeah my friends know im wild... not THAT wild though...
     
  17. duttylittle1

    duttylittle1 New Member

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    i like anal yes.... but not with ex's who both have 9 inch dicks :|
     
  18. yikez

    yikez New Member

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    i completely agree! But that's only one perspective, i'm sure ur guy doesn't mean it that way. It's like what someone mentioned earlier - you need to ask yourself if you trust him. And most importantly, are these fantasies really gona stop once ur done with them or is he gona come up with new ones every now and then.
     
  19. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Wait a minute...you said you were already going to do this anyway even before he asked...didn't you? You probably need to be honest with yourself...is it only his fantasy that's put the idea in your head, is it only your fantasy and put the idea in his head, or did you discover you both have the same fantasy? Don't blame him for something you both want to do (AND...don't allow him to blame you for something you both want to do!)

    Cheers,
    BD
     
  20. yitbos

    yitbos New Member

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    My wife has fucked countless people. Were not talking 100s but over 40 or so we've estimated. I find that completely exciting. We talk about those she has fucked and even incorporate one she really enjoyed being with in our bedroom.

    I'm a very visual person. I'd love to see what she looked like getting it on with one of these guys. I have a video of myself and another woman that we made and my wife has seen it. She thought it was very exciting and she has even met the woman before and thinks she's attractive.

    I guess as a guy, it's a turn on but there's no way to know exactly what someone else is thinking unless you can talk to them directly and believe what they tell you.