[Ask a Girl] Ex-Wife, give up or not?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by IRonMan78, Feb 3, 2013.

  1. IRonMan78

    IRonMan78 New Member

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    OK, ladies here goes; I was married to my ex-wife for twenty-three years. We were married when she was sixteen and I was seventeen. During that time she had multiple affairs (the first was within the second year of our marriage), but I honestly loved her and tried to work things out. Of the twenty-three years we were together for twenty of those years. We have been divorced for a while. She lives with our twenty-one year old son, and doesn’t date. She cried when she signed the divorce papers, so it makes me wonder.


    I still love her. I asked her out almost two years ago, then messed it up (I am willing to, and would prefer to talk about that privately). It took her over a month to actually say no, and that was after my screw-up. I think she was actually interested because it took so long for her to say no, I mean she, my son and I would watch movies and have pizza at her place every Friday night, and we did that for over a year.


    My question to you ladies is; should I just give up or try again?


    Thank You for reading this. I appreciate any feedback you may have.
     
  2. AGFUNK

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    Need more info then just that to give you decent advice. Why did she have the affairs? And why did you guys try for twenty years? Did you ever go to counseling? Does she want to try again? Why did you divorce?
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    Not a female but it makes me wonder how many more times are you going to break her heart?
     
  4. IRonMan78

    IRonMan78 New Member

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    I guess I do not understand where you think I broke her heart when she had the affairs. My screw-up had nothing to do with infidelity.
     
  5. AGFUNK

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    Why did she have affairs? What was wrong in the marriage that she felt the need to go outside of it?

    Having bipolar disorder is not a reason to divorce someone. If you are a psych major you of all people should know what your wife goes through. Did you ever try to get her into counseling? Was she taking medication at any point in time? Did you know she was bipolar when you married her?

    Of all the things you told me you should have been trying to help her through her issues.
     
    #5 AGFUNK, Feb 3, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2013
  6. lbushwalker

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    Apologies; I understood it the other way around, sorry again :bow
     
  7. IRonMan78

    IRonMan78 New Member

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    Looking back I think it had a lot to do with not feeling fulfilled, the worst part was when our two oldest daughters went to college. I think she tried to fill a void with work and school. The Bipolar Disorder isn't the reason for the divorce. She had tried to commit suicide after her temporary break-up with her last boyfriend, and attempted suicide four more times.
    There is so much I did not understand at the time, and it is only years later that I see what might have helped at the time. To be honest I was so hurt by the time the last affair happened I didn't know if I would be able to stay sane myself.
    I know I didn't handle what happened well. After the last suicide attempt she got a protection from abuse order against me citing that she was afraid of me. Two days after it went into effect, the boyfriend moved into my house. She lived with him for two years. I didn't get divorced until she had moved away from him for a year and a half.
    So, I guess lying to the police, the court (my cousin is the person at the courthouse that administers the PFA's), having me kicked out of my house, living with another man for two years and refusing to sign the divorce papers, not letting me see our kids for six months, that was when I decided to divorce her. I simply did not know what else to do at the time. And, I got a lot of bad advice from friends. I crawled into a bottle for a couple of years, been sober since September 2001.
    I do see what my part in the mess the marriage turned out to be is. I was very uneducated about the severity of mental illness and how to cope with it. I tend to think "If I only knew then what I know now..."
    This is difficult to put into words like this it is much easier when I talk about it. Even though I talked about it with my psychologist (some depression issues now), writing it sometimes doesn't seem to come out the way I want it to.
    Any other questions, feel free to ask.
     
  8. IRonMan78

    IRonMan78 New Member

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    I apologize also. I didn't think about the possibility that you had misreda it until after I replied.
     
  9. Cappy_Dick

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    Dude...

    Give it up. If she was stepping out that early in your relationship, I don't see that changing. If it didn't work in 23 years, it's not going to. Move on and find someone that's right for you. Sounds like you have already wasted WAY too much time on her.

    I know that it's easier said than done, when you love her. After about a year being married to my ex wife, I knew it wasn't going to work. But, I did love her and we had a child, so I tried to make it work. To make a very long story short, despite my best efforts to make it work, she ran out on me after 7 years. She left a trail of ruin that I have never really recovered from. I had no idea that she was setting me up for destruction, as I was working too many hours to pay the bills she largely made and trying too hard to make things work. I thought I was doing it for the good of my two kids. In hindsight, they'd had been better off without their mother sooner. She didn't have any personal contact with them for over 10 years after we split. The gifts and calls did come at first, but slowed and then stopped all together. I'd had been better off if I had ended it before the whole things left me in financial and emotional ruin.

    You're beating a dead horse. Find someone who deserved your time and attention.

    xx
     
  10. AGFUNK

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    It's best that you both just move on with your lives. Getting back together will not be healthy for you or for her. Being friends is one thing but a relationship should be a no go.
     
  11. backcheck64

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    I would have ditched her after her first cheating. I love my wife with all of my heart, but if I found her cheating, she'd be kicked to the curb...PERIOD. I have self respect. Move on.
     
  12. ply

    ply
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    Grab her, get her tested and go for group sex. It's all good as long as every body plays by the rules