Ever run into/see your Ex? How does it make you feel?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by surreal_thoughts, Apr 18, 2013.

  1. surreal_thoughts

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2012
    Messages:
    2,250
    Likes Received:
    598
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Connecticut
    So last night after work, I happened to run into my first ex gf when I went to a Lowes (who oddly works there) to pick up some lumber for a remodeling project I'm working on the house. I met her and dated her from my freshman year of college 8 years ago. She was alright in the beginning...she was pretty, had things in common, but she turned out to be a gold digger, wasn't that great in the sack, and in the last few months of our relationship she was fucking an older guy in his late 50's who was buying her name brand items like Gucci item, Coach bags, and taking her on shopping trips in NYC.

    The last time I saw her when I confronted her after knocking out the old man when I caught them together (don't judge me harshly...I was a stupid 20 yr old) I told her off and ripped her apart verbally. over the past few years she's tried to contact me on Facebook but I blocked her, because I didn't wan to deal with her and the shitty memories.

    So last night I saw her and she saw me...our eyes met, she quickly put her head down and walked away from my presence. At that moment this deep dark anger and rage over came me and the scene of catching her cheating on me played in my head...needless to say I was pretty pissed and wanted to find her and verbally tell her off again.

    It's not that I miss her or have feelings for her other than pure hatred, but is this normal? Do some people get that worked up when they see an old ex who they had a bad relationship than ended in a horrible way? I'm happily married now to an amazing wife who has a real career, cares about it, accept me and my paycheck for what it is, and has been beyond loyal, especially when I was faced with dark and difficult times. I still can't get over why I got so worked up by her presence even though no words where spoken between us. Now I'm never going to that Lowes in general. I'm more of a Home Depot kind of guy anyway.

    Thoughts anyone?
     
  2. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2013
    Messages:
    522
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    My "ex," aka my former best friend who I was in love with, moved to another part of the state two years after she left me. So no, I don't see her. But last year I found out she was in the area which made me feel sick.

    I don't know what I'd do if I ran into her. Which is part of why I want to move to Hawaii as soon as I can to ensure that it never happens!
     
  3. 12barblues

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2012
    Messages:
    5,297
    Likes Received:
    3,744
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    california, USA
    I do have thoughts of running into my ex.....
    It's usually with my truck as she's crossing the street.....

    Actually I "run into" her almost daily....we have two children together, and were both very involved parents , so there's no escaping it....wish there were tho....

    ****of course I wish no harm to the mother of my children....just venting a bit...
     
  4. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2013
    Messages:
    522
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Wow, that sucks. It sucks for your kids, too.
     
  5. backcheck64

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2010
    Messages:
    3,433
    Likes Received:
    1,040
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Missouri
    If you've never even kissed anyone much less have sex, how can you have an ex?

    I have contact with 5 exes, friendly with all of them. With 46 of them, I'm going to run into one her or there. I facebook with a few, wife knows I have no desire for anyone but her so she's cool with it. Even worked on the house of one of my exes mother, she called me.
     
  6. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2013
    Messages:
    522
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Did you notice that I said "ex," not ex?

    I call her my pseudoex because I have all the nasty ex feelings and circumstances, but we never had a physical sexual relationship. Emotionally, she's my ex; in reality, I realize that she is my former friend. Because she wasn't just my friend, I was in love with her and am now left with ex feelings.

    Hope that makes sense.
     
  7. BigTitLover

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2011
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    345
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    STL
    Due to my kids I have to deal with my Ex wife. Thankfully last 9 months have been quiet, as she ended up in jail (drugs, and reason we are split). She will be there for at least another year if I am lucky.

    As for Ex girlfriends. Rarely see any of them, upside to large city. But friendly with most except one, thankfully she now lives in a completely separate state; several states away. That female is bat shit crazy.

    The others, no issues. Was friends with serveral on FB. If we didn't go to school together I would defriend them when they changed their status to "engaged" I'm not going to be the basis for that argument. When I message them about it they are cool with it, and understand the reasoning behind it.
     
  8. Essene

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Messages:
    1,384
    Likes Received:
    75
    Gender:
    Male
    No I haven't. All of the females I have actually dated live far away from me now. If I did run into them, I'd probably have a cordial conversation with them and wish them well. Usually the bitterness if stirred up by my ex's and not me; so I usually leave them alone after they decide what was a civil parting of ways should become a peevish footrace to estimate who can be the most childish and cruel person to the other. I usually lose.
     
  9. backcheck64

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2010
    Messages:
    3,433
    Likes Received:
    1,040
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Missouri
    Actually, no, it doesn't make sense. What you had was one sided infatuation. Completely different from a two sided relationship. Once you've actually been intimate with someone, especially if a child is involved, takes it to a whole different level, good or bad.
     
  10. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2013
    Messages:
    522
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Okay. Then why do my feelings match perfectly how other people have described feeling when they run into their exes? I never said she was my real ex. However, the nasty feelings I have left over are what other people have when a relationship ends. Just because it wasn't a relationship doesn't change the fact that ex type feelings remain.

    I was in love, so no, it wasn't merely infatuation.

    By the way, I was intimate with my ex friend, just not physically intimate.
     
    #10 fireontheside, Apr 18, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2013
  11. backcheck64

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2010
    Messages:
    3,433
    Likes Received:
    1,040
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Missouri
    Love goes two ways, you were simply rejected...and you're still pissed. You have no idea what it's like dealing with kids in that situation. If it weren't for the prospect of spending the rest of your life in prision, would you like to grab her by the hair and slit her throat from ear to ear, then drink her blood? Would you like to tie her to a chair, torture her, then put a bullet in her head...and drink the blood? That's what a bad break up of a real relationship is like. Almost everyone I know whos gone through a bad breakup or divorce is that way.
     
  12. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2013
    Messages:
    522
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Wow...!

    Yes, obviously I was hurt and angry and had violent thoughts but nothing like that.

    How was it you were able to get into another relationship? After reading that, as a woman, I wouldn't want to get anywhere near you.

    Honestly, that's just creepy. Plenty of people break up and are on good terms, and not everyone who is bitter and angry has thoughts like you've just described.

    You sound like you need counseling. But suddenly the stuff you've said to me makes a lot more sense.
     
  13. backcheck64

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2010
    Messages:
    3,433
    Likes Received:
    1,040
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Missouri
    If you've never experience those thoughts, you haven't been through a bad breakup. I'm not kidding, I've had two women ask if I know someone that could "take care of" their exes. I do but I didn't tell them that. If you've never experienced it, since you're just equating your feelings to what you percieve others to experience, you really don't know. Homocidleal thoughts are very common. As evident of all of the murder/suicides, it happens fairly often. And I treat my wife like a queen. Never laid a finger on her, never would. We are matched, we cycle (bicycle 25 to 40 miles) weekly, hike, ski, she's a great mother and at almost 48 has a rock hard body, solid muscle and a bod most 20yr olds would kill for....and is as or more sexually active than most 20yr olds. We've been married 25 yrs and with a heavy schedule of work and the kids AA Travel hockey schedule, we still have sex 2 to 4 times a week...vacations it's more.
     
  14. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2013
    Messages:
    522
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    But if, deity forbid, something went wrong and your marriage was over, you would fantasize about slitting her throat.

    Love goes wrong fast, doesn't it? I have to admit, backcheck, this is actually making me afraid of being in a relationship with anyone. lol.

    I guess I can't convince you that my homicidal fantasies were homicidal enough...so perhaps I'll give this one to you.

    So the lesson for today is: a breakup or divorce just isn't a breakup or divorce unless you fantasize about killing the other person. Hmm.
     
    #14 fireontheside, Apr 19, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2013
  15. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2012
    Messages:
    672
    Likes Received:
    55
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Michigan
    can't say i've ever had homicidal thoughts towards anyone... even when i found out my husband was screwing the babysitter last year.... yes, i was angry, and yes, i even punched him and gave him a black eye, but i didn't ever want him dead. i didnt ever fantasize about slitting his throat.... he, on the other hand, would LOVE to do that to his exwife, and I have often fantasized about running her down with my car if i ever get the chance. there are just people in this world who are truly miserable and make it their goal in life to make every one else equally miserable, and she really is one of the c***s (pardon my language- the word doesnt bother me, but i know it bothers some people)
     
  16. backcheck64

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2010
    Messages:
    3,433
    Likes Received:
    1,040
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Missouri
    I probably wouldn't kill her, I do have some self control off the ice, but if she ever cheated on me, I'd make her wish she was dead....but the thing is, if it's true love ON BOTH SIDES, you'd never think about doing anything to damage the relationship. She is the mother of my kids, but I know if she did cheat, murder would run through my mind, same as her of me. It's not simply the act of cheating, it's the betrayal that cuts to the bone. Rarely does anything close to this happen during dating, long term relationships with kids involved, yes, all of the time. Before you get that deeply involved though, it takes a long time, we dated 5 yrs before we married..25 yrs ago.
     
  17. Ready2Please

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2010
    Messages:
    681
    Likes Received:
    193
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    California
    I see my ex almost every other day. We are more friends now then we were dating. He is a cool guy to be around and is well liked. I guess you could say we are still together but not in the sense as a couple. He didn't want a commitment because when I met him he had just separated from his wife. Any who, I don't think any bad thoughts of my ex or any of my ex-bf's. Don't really have time for any of that crap or hatred in my life. :)
     
  18. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2013
    Messages:
    522
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    A few things.

    One, not to pry, but how are you still married to him?

    Two, you want to run over his ex wife? What did she do? Do you have stepchildren? I hope not...
     
  19. fireontheside

    fireontheside Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2013
    Messages:
    522
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Honestly, for someone who claims I need medication, you seem rather nonchalant about wanting to kill someone for cheating and finding that feeling perfectly normal.

    Okay, time for honesty. No, I have never truly wanted to kill someone I was in love with. That hasn't happened. If that makes me weird, so be it, if you want to say my love wasn't real because of that, so be it. I know there are many people in genuine relationships, marriages even, who would not fantasize about murder if things ended or they got cheated on. *shrug* So if I'm not proof enough that your feelings are just a TAD unhealthy, look to them.

    The more I read, the more convinced I am that relationships may not be for me, just short term flings and casual hookups.
     
  20. Trond

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,665
    Likes Received:
    387
    Gender:
    Male
    Having discussed with the guy for a while, I beg to differ.....:lol