eRelationship advice please!!

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by SchrodiesKitty, Jan 25, 2007.

  1. SchrodiesKitty

    SchrodiesKitty New Member

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    Hi, I need some advice so I picked on you!! :p

    I've been friends with a man online for about a year. We had an instant conection but because was unavailable at the time he was just a flirty friend, but since I broke up with my partner we have become more serious and are planning to meet. All sounds great, but he lives over 4000 miles away! He has a few online women friends and I sometimes get really jealous, and I wonder if I am being really stupid believing that I am the only one he is interested in. He tells me that I am his, and the only one he has ever considered meeting and a million other wonderfull things each day. But what makes me wonder is that he wants us to be a suprise and not tell anyone yet. Also there is this one girl that has fallen in love with him online!! He is worried for her mental state and has asked me to be careful around her.

    I can usually tell myself to stop being silly and not to doubt him, but its so hard being so far from someone that you really want to meet and hopefully fall in love with.

    Any thoughts ?
     
  2. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    I'd PM Puss in Boots if I were you! She has a LOT of experience with a situation like that!
     
  3. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    He has a few online women friends and I sometimes get really jealous, and I wonder if I am being really stupid believing that I am the only one he is interested in. He tells me that I am his, and the only one he has ever considered meeting


    You know that he has other women lined up.
    and that one is in love with him and he is afraid of hurting Her.


    What about you is He at all concerned about hurting you.
    I really doubt that it will work for you.
    Actually I doubt if you will ever meet him. As he wants you on the
    back burner just to flirt with as you are just a surprise and not
    a real part of his life.:sf
     
  4. loveit247

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    You have never met this man in person. He has other women lined up and lives very far away. If I were you I would keep this a nice little fantasy and go looking for a real man of you own, someone who you can get to know one on one.

    What worries me is that a man you have never met is telling you that you belong to him! That is creepy! Don't get involved there. It doesn't sound quite right.

    I have a partner and I also have a few guys I flirt with online. They never get more than my IM addy and we chat, they know about my partner and I make it clear that we just flirt online, that is it! And if I ever broke up with my partner I would not meet these men either.
     
  5. SchrodiesKitty

    SchrodiesKitty New Member

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    Thanks :)

    I don't believe he has other women lined up, he is open about there friendship and they are all in relationships anyway.

    Well put, thankyou. Certainly something to think about.

    He was just my little fantasy and I was not planning on finding another man anytime soon. But conversations became serious when I confronted him about if he was sincere.
    I think it is sweet not creepy :eek: .. he' doesnt say i belong to him, just refers to me as 'my love/my beautiful woman' etc.
    I was/am excactly the same and thought I would never meet anyone... and now look whats happend :eek :eyes .


    Thanks everyone, more comments welcome ...please.
     
    #5 SchrodiesKitty, Jan 26, 2007
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2007
  6. Bluesy

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    Just my humble O, but I think he's playing you. A) Why would he talk about his female friends if not to make you jealous? (He's playing head games with you.) B) He tells you that an online friend has "fallen in love with him." Again, head games. Not to mention, people don't fall in love without provocation. At the very least, he's led this woman on. C) He wants your relationship to "be a surprise". He isn't serious about you or else he wouldn't want to keep it a secret.

    Run.
     
  7. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    I am willing to bet that he is married. Online relaitonships are great fantasy stuff and great material for movies. I have yet to meet anyone whose online relationship lasted or where happy with the person that they met online. Personally, I would move on.
     
  8. Misa

    Misa New Member

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    Oh good! This time span allows you to get to know one another more.

    Now, I have a question. You've known him for a year and are now dating, right? Do you actually know him? Like his personal life, what he does, how he feels etc? Do you guys do more than just text chat? Such as voice chat or webcam? It's important to keep more contact and have trust and learn more about each other. I'm still working with trust and learning new things about my boyfriend and we've known each other for about 1 year and 6 months or so.

    Seems there are a few people thinking he is not to be trusting, mostly because it is an internet relationship. Don't be so sure on that! He might be perfectly being honest, so you shouldn't worry too much. I'd say if you're meeting him, do so as soon as you can (and safely just in case).

    Doubts are alright to have, but try not to allow that to cloud your judgment on him and be too quick to accuse him of anything or to be jealous!

    I know what you mean on that! I have doubts sometimes too, and I try hard to go against them. I have trusting issues, but I try not to let it interfere with the relationship (although, that doesn't always work >_<; ).


    Good Luck! :)
     
  9. AnonymousOne

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    Fine if you want a comment I'll be blunt. To think this way is .... a bit unnerving. Not that I have anything wrong with internet spawned relationships, but I would tell you to be VERY cautious.
     
  10. SchrodiesKitty

    SchrodiesKitty New Member

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    :) Thanks for all the input , i'll try and answer everyone....

    Bluesy.... We have been friends for along time, and we are both part of an online community , why would he keep his other friendships a secret? We are all very flirty with each other and I too have had someone in the past thinks that they were in love with me, all these friendships were made before we started planning to meet. I dont believe he is trying to make me jealous ..... I guess i sometimes get jealous because there is a chance he could be playing me. .... and yipeee, I found out he has told a family member :D


    yorkiesmurf..... definalty not married, he use to ask for my opinion on what to wear if he was going out on a date.

    Misa ..... yes, I have know him for about a year, but I would not say we are dating as we have not yet met, we are two people that love what we allready know about each other and are planning to meet and hope to fall in love with each other, and if there is that spark ... then we will then be able to say that we are in a proper realationship.... I know him very well, work, family, interests, we can talk about anything with each other, past relationships, views on anything, sex, fantasies.....And yes we do voice chat aswell as IM and email. I think internet relationships do get alot of negativity, but then there are just as many players out there that I could meet while grocery shopping or in a cafe. Thanks for the positive input. :)

    AnonymousOne .... I think the reason why I dont find in unnerving, is because its a way he can say we have a special connection, without actually saying that we are couple yet, as i said before we have not yet met so cannot make a claim on each other untill we know if we have the 'magic' offline.

    Everone .... Thankyou for ALL for the advice, it has made me look at all the parts of the situation and has made me see things more logically. I will not be running away from this. I want this to work out very much. I will just need a little more practise in balancing my caution and doubts with my faith and trust. :eyes

    Thanks agian, i will let you know how it goes!!
     
  11. Misa

    Misa New Member

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    Sent you a PM, SchrodiesKitty. :)

    Glad its past just IM's. Voice chats are good to have when talking to others. Can sense more emotion that way than you can over text! You can hide things behind text, while voice chats make things a bit harder to hide and their a lot more fun!
     
  12. SchrodiesKitty

    SchrodiesKitty New Member

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    Quick update!

    The guy is an asshole and has been telling the other woman the excact same things that he has been telling me :mad
     
  13. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Well, you are not alone, hun. It happens all the time. Just take the lesson you've learned, and grow with it.

    I believe "LoveIt24/7" said it best. Enjoy the fantasies, if you want to - but for a real relationship - find it in the real world. There are some 'smooth operaters' floating around in cyber-world!
     
  14. SexyScorp

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    So sorry to hear this.....:(

    What a dickhead!!!!
     
  15. barbie

    barbie New Member

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    Gee I'm sorry to hear this.I have never been involved with anyone on line and don't intend to.I've seen people hurt and its not funny.Just do better and find a real man to tell you that you are his.Please if you do this again be carefull.I'd hate to see you mad a fool of again,and thats just what this guy did .He is probably married with a bunch of kids.
     
  16. Eris Discordia

    Eris Discordia New Member

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    Don't beat yourself up.
    All relationships are fraught with peril, internet spawned or not.

    I like your username, by the by.
     
  17. SchrodiesKitty

    SchrodiesKitty New Member

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    latest update :eyes

    We talked everthing thro since then and we are giving it another go :D
    Thanks :)
     
  18. SexyScorp

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    Eeeeekk.......be careful !!!!

    Good luck!!
     
  19. SchrodiesKitty

    SchrodiesKitty New Member

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    LOL yeah ... i'll be VERY carefull!

    thanks :)
     
  20. kora

    kora New Member

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    I had a similar situations..we talked online for about a year, then finally met.
    What i want you to remember..pls do not rely on words only..see his behavior..
    Does he sacrifice time to spend with you online? what is the first thing he does when you tell him you feel sick..?
    Once we argue with him..and i said: listen to me, no matter what you say now..i will come to your city and i will be waiting for you at the airport. If you come, i will be happy, if no, i will think what to do after.
    He replied: You know that no matter what i will never leave you at the airport alone.
    And he did not.