Erection Psychology!

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Rumpo, Mar 9, 2010.

  1. Rumpo

    Rumpo New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    First post here.

    I'm a 28 year old man with no history of erectile dysfunction from a medical stand point. However, there have been times in the past when it "gets in my head" and I can't get hard.

    Sunday night I was hanging out with a girl and we ended up fooling around. I had no problem getting hard or staying hard this entire time. However, once we moved to the bedroom to have sex I lost it. It periodically came back and eventually I was able to maintain an erection and have sex.

    My question is about getting over the psychological part of this issue. I'm going into this worried that I won't be able to get hard and then, of course I can't. I'm really trying to let this go and not think about it at all. I mean rather then worry about this I just need to get into the moment and have fun.

    So, I know what I need to do but I can't get it done.

    Anyone have this issue in the past? How did you get past it? Any tips or strategies to make this a thing of the past? I know that once I get rolling everything will be fine. I just need to get my confidence back.

    Oh, and the girl was very cool about this. I openly talked about it and spent some time pleasing her in other ways until things came around. But, I'd like to eliminate this problem entirely if I can.

    Help!!
     
  2. igor

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,110
    Likes Received:
    163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago area
    Knowing that it is in your mind and that you have somewhat overcome this is a good thing. Just don't dwell on it and let yourself get lost in the enjoyment and stop thinking about it.
     
  3. Rumpo

    Rumpo New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    Like I said, I know what I need to do but it's doing it that is the problem.

    Any tips or strategies?
     
  4. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,965
    Likes Received:
    5,075
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    Hi Rumpo,
    That sort of problem is more often demonstrated in in us older guys so your issue is somewhat different.
    My guess is you are not tuned into this woman so no matter the stimuli, nothing will happen.
    Move on dude.
     
  5. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Don't rule out the posibility that maybe it's a good time for a physical. At least rule out adult-onset diabetes, ED is one of the first signs of that.
     
  6. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello and welcome to the forums. Your username makes me giggle. What is the story behind it? Please start a thread in the introductions section so that we may get to know a little bit about you. Thanks.

    After reading your post, I knew I had to chime in . You post reminded me of my husband's sexual history with me and I figured I'd share some things that have transpired over the years.

    I've been with my husband for 14 years and he's always had issues with premature ejaculation. Around the time he turned 40, he started having problems with erectile dysfunction in addition to the PE.

    It was very hard on both of us in the beginning, but finally after years of me basically begging him to talk to his doctor about it, he did and went on medication for ED. The medication works well enough if he is sure to take it at least 30 minutes before penetration and things are much better in the bedroom.

    There are still times when his erection waxes and wanes while he's performing foreplay on me. To deal with it I keep my hand or mouth on his cock to maintain his erection. I'm a big favour of boners, so it I am glad to do it and am always trying new techniques.

    You know, now that I think about it, it's his PE and ED problems that have lead to me being a such a Grade - A cocksucker. When I slept with men that hard cast iron, ever-ready boners I almost never sucked the cock.

    I don't always keep him hard with my mouth and hands, sometimes I just get myself off while he watches and he handles his meat to keep it hard. Other times I suck his cock while he uses a dildo in my pussy until I orgasm. Sometimes I forego my orgasm and jump on his cock the second it's rigid. After I'm done draining his balls, I sometimes use a dildo and/or vibe on my pussy while he sucks my nipples. Other times he just sits and watches.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, you don't have to let ED ruin your sex life. To avoid that, talk to your doctor, find out what he thinks. Whether you go on pills or not, just know that there are lots of ways to maintain a erection, the only limit is your own imagination.
     
  7. Rumpo

    Rumpo New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    I think that everyone here is missing the real issue.

    This is not a medical issue. If it was a medical issue than I wouldn't be a walking hard-on 90% of the time. This is like performance anxiety. It's in my head. Ever watch some amateur pornography where the dude can't get hard because he's in front of a camera? Same deal, but no camera. It's as if I'm so concerned with putting in a good showing that I'm psyching myself out of it.

    ED and PE are not issues for me in the medical way of thinking. PE is not an issue for me at all. Although I do appreciate all the time and effort in the replies, I think maybe I've done a poor job at explaining myself.

    In terms of being tuned into this woman. I am fully tuned into her and completely turned on by her. It's not her or my connection with her, it's me and my fucking over thinking. It is certainly not time to move on from her as until I fix the anxiety/performance issue in my brain, it's going to be an issue with every woman I'm with.

    Now an update. I wrote that first post after our first sexual encounter on Sunday. She was over for the night on Tuesday and although there were very brief moments where I had a hard time getting a hard on, I just had fun with her. I didn't let it bother me and in no time at all, things were fine. We just laid there and made out and when I was ready to go, we went at it. The sex was amazing and I'm fairly certain that I'm well on my way to recovery.

    This was a confidence issue and I think it's going to be all good now.

    Thanks for the time in responding to my posts.
     
  8. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,965
    Likes Received:
    5,075
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    Ok so it was stage fright, no big deal then.
    Hoping the play works the way you wish it.
    Good luck Rumpo of the Balley!
     
  9. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    I highly recommend a half of a yellow 5mg Valium. That works wonders getting you past the minor anxiety like a wonder. Just don't get in the habit, but at least you could use it as a confidence builder a couple of times.

    Sorry, I'm not a medical professional, so I can't be responsible for any problem you may develop as a result of following my advice.
     
  10. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    If you have anxiety that prohibits you from performing like you wish, you may very well benefit from talking to your doctor. He/She can discuss ways of easing your anxiety level.
     
  11. Rumpo

    Rumpo New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    I will have to wait until we spend time together tomorrow so that I can tell you how things have gone!

    Stay tuned to hear more about my sex life!
     
  12. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Can't hardly wait!
     
  13. bigpappi

    bigpappi Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2007
    Messages:
    256
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The PHX
    I had the same problem when I first met my now wife. I was and still am extremely attracted to her but the first time we were to have sex my guy showed up for work but didn't go the whole shift so to speak. It actually became an even bigger problem because the next time I was even more nervous and it happened again and it snowballed from there. I went to the doctor, got a physical and everything was fine. My doctor being cool as hell gave me some free Levitra and a prescription for it. That stuff worked wonders and helped me to get over the hump so to speak. I am not saying that it never happens anymore because it does from time to time, mainly when I am tired or stressed so i keep the pills on hand just in case. The biggest thing is to communicate to your girl that it's not her, it's just a mental thing. You HAVE to communicate with her. Good luck with it.
     
  14. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Hey Pappi! It's good to see you posting again. Don't be a stranger, ya hear?

    Rumpo, heed Pappi's advice. Communication is the key.
     
  15. bigpappi

    bigpappi Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2007
    Messages:
    256
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The PHX
    CL-hey sexy,how ya been? Trying not to be a stranger just been so busy with work and life lately. How have you been?
     
  16. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
  17. Rumpo

    Rumpo New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    This is the best post to relate to what happened. I did communicate with her the first night and we did have sex the first night. The second night there was still a little stage fright but not much. Got over that really quickly too.

    Sorry for the lack of updates but she got a really bad flu and has been at home and in the hospital. This Saturday and Sunday she'll be staying over again so I'll have to update after that.
     
  18. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Ouch, the flu hurts, she has my sympathy. I don't think there's much that can make a body feel worse. That's one of those times when you can truly say, If I felt any better, I would be dead.
     
  19. eyesmet89

    eyesmet89 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Evanston,il
    Well, this is more for others looking to this thread for strategies, but try fucking in another room seperate from your usual shagnasium.Also, standing-up positions tend to enhance hardening.