Epic fail for a first time. Don't want repeat a second time.

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Snap, Sep 25, 2010.

  1. Snap

    Snap New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2010
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    So me and this chick are casual, and well on our way to become fuck buddies. Except for one thing, I don't know how to fuck. It could have been my first time. Here is the situation. She comes over, and after a bit of foreplay, I make sure the girl is wet. But after that it all goes pretty badly. I put her down in my favorite position and try to insert myself. So first problem is that i can't get it in. Apparently it isn't hard enough. After about twenty minutes or so of trying to get it to that point of getting up, we just call it quits. Thankfully she understands, I think.

    So I'm looking back on it and trying to figure out what went wrong. I know I don't have a problem with getting my dick up. I have problems getting random erections all the time and i masturbate without problem. So whats different about it here? Here might be a few reasons

    She's kinda boring. she was "limp" and didn't do anything. Really. She just waited. She didn't make any sounds or that would be attracting. Even during foreplay she never looked at my face, or was making out (she doesn't like kissing). She has a nice face and body, but she doesn't do anything that would attract me. Even when she was lying on the ground I wasn't really attracted.

    The girl admitted she wasn't aroused that much (she was wet though and its not her first time), so its possible she was tense?

    Also I've noticed that since i'm not circumsized, my entire foreskin is pulled back. The lower section of the head is actually REALLY sensitive to the point where it hurts on contact. So when she went down on me as a last chance to get it up, it actually hurt more then anything else and i just went limp not long after. I really need to figure out how I can make that spot not so sensitive or sex might just be painful, and not pleasurable.

    I personally want to get good at sex, and this first time left me scratching my head ( take your pick to which one). Is there anything I can do, like exercises, changing of behavior etc to get better?
    Thank you so much.
     
  2. igor

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,110
    Likes Received:
    163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago area
    I don't know what to tell you except you had the classic performance anxiety probably. And the fact that she wasn't really into it doesn't help any. She may have been willing to do it but if she wasn't enthused about it, it would have been a mood killer for sure. She doesn't like kissing? that's a red flag in my book. I am guessing that if she were really aroused you should not have experienced pain trying to enter her.
     
  3. Meee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2010
    Messages:
    2,198
    Likes Received:
    3,094
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    How old are you? How old is she?

    Am I reading this correctly that you've never had sex with anyone before this?

    How long have you known her?
     
  4. shaneyshaney

    shaneyshaney New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2010
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Mississippi
    I have had problems similar to that with my wife. For me usually it is stress from work, or how hard I hit the gym. On power lifting days I would not be able to get it up if I tied a stick to it.
     
  5. Snap

    Snap New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2010
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    @igor: One the foreskin goes past a certain point the skin is really sensitive to touch to the point of pain, the BJ wasn't feeling too good for that reason.
    @Mee 18, virgin, 1 week
    @shaneyshaney I do row crew, but I rowed this morning and was not that tired at all. I'm in really good shape and the practice today wasn't too difficult. Its not like I wasn't hard, but it was like I wasn't hard enough...

    Maybe I should be loosening her even more with my hand before I go through with it?
     
    #5 Snap, Sep 25, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2010
  6. Meee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2010
    Messages:
    2,198
    Likes Received:
    3,094
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    LOL--one week isn't even casual.

    You don't know her long enough or well enough. Caring about the person helps. Knowing the person very well and communicating a lot is much better than guessing and wondering what might work.

    Go out on some dates with her. Put off having sex for a while.

    Oh, and birth control can also affect how sex goes. What kind of birth control were you and she using?
     
  7. Snap

    Snap New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2010
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey hey, I'm new to this, gimme a little bit of slack. We are not dating, more friends then anything else really. She admitted she doesn't like me more then just a friend, and she just came to my room for sex.
    At the university I go to a lot of the sex is casual. She uses birth control (pills) and I was using a condom. Problem is that when I had the hard on it usually went down by the time I got the damn condom on. It seemed like I needed to be REALLY hard in order to get in, and that would actually require a bit of work from the missus.
     
  8. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2010
    Messages:
    329
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Midwest
    Well if you want a response from someone who's "been there, done that", most of what you were dealing with was in your brain (notice I didn't say "head"---didn't want to confuse, lol). Some women think men in general are neanderthals who walk around with a hard-on looking for something that's standing still for too long. But that's not the case, as you know.

    With that said, I've had mental blocks before that just made sex into really hard work. When I first got to the point of sex with Michelle (my current fiance) I had a horrible mental block. This was right after a 6 yr relationship. I've NEVER cheated and feel rather strongly about it. So here I was.....with one of the hottest girls I'd ever had the pleasure of seeing naked, and I kept softening up! I was really having a difficult time. What I later realized was that I was hanging up on the idea that this girl wasn't my wife. And since I felt so strongly about cheating, I was blocking up on it......does that make any sense?

    Anyway, I guess I got long-winded....sorry. But YES, men get mental blocks too. I suspect that your issue was a mental block AND her lack of enthusiasm just made it worse. Don't kick yourself too hard though. I'd say it was as much her fault as yours. I mean, is it THAT much trouble to help a brutha out? I'm a bit outspoken these days, but I would have told her..."either your into this, or your not--which is it"?


    As for your pain issue, go to an adult store and buy some anal-numbing cream. I'd be very careful to only apply a small amount to the exact area that your having pain in. You definitely don't want a numb dick....lol. I can't say that it will solve your problem, but it just might work.
     
    #8 Michellesoldman, Sep 25, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2010
  9. FlirtyChick

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    4,111
    Likes Received:
    19
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Southeast US
    Hon, if this was your first time, please cut yourself some slack. I dont know too many people who say the initial sex experience was totally awesome. In fact I know none, but I am sure someone here will show up and claim that. If she was just lying there, not kissing you, waiting to be screwed that's a red flag right there. I am assuming you are both very young and relatively inexperienced. Performance anxiety is normal in the beginning, as well as sometimes with new partners, and happens to most people ongoing from time to time. Give yourself a break and just don't worry about it. Nothing is wrong with you, except I question the painful "head" scenario. You said it hurt when she blew you....Methinks she wasn't doing a very good job, because that should never be painful.

    Take your time. Sex is great, and you will get there. Just go for the girls that like to kiss and turn you on too..... Good luck!
     
  10. SteveWaste

    SteveWaste New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2010
    Messages:
    373
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Indiana
    In my experience, the girls who love to kiss are the ones I want to hang out with. There really is no substitute for turning ladies on in general than a good passionate make-out session. Other stuff will work, but that is like your trump card; unless you're horrible at kissing. This is mostly educated opinion, so ladies feel free to correct me if I'm wrong; but I doubt that I am.

    From the sound of it, there wasn't anything in the encounter that felt "sexy" so good sex wasn't really the most likely outcome. What was her attitude? Was she a virgin too or not? You may want to have a talk with her if you are friends, it may have hurt her feelings to think that you weren't aroused by her, even if it was rightfully so due to the situation.

    Also, the condom may have been restricting judging by your description of how it felt. It's an odd question coming from another guy, but how big is your penis (length, girth). I find regular sized condoms to be nearly painful to wear, and proned to breaking sometimes. I ended up using Durex Love condoms and the regular Trojan Magnums, not the XL Magnums for a bit more room. Maybe this is an option for you too.

    Hope this helps and don't let life get you down. Everyone has had bad experiences and they are the kind of things you laugh about with your friends in the years to come. Don't worry.

    ~Steve
     
  11. Snap

    Snap New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2010
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    The condom fit, but I'm not circumsized. So when the foreskin is pulled back, the exposed tissue is sensitive to touch.
    She wasn't a virgin, and apparently this wasn't the first time this sort of situation happened to her. However we're still talking, so I see an opportunity for a round two, and maybe get it right this time.
     
  12. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2010
    Messages:
    329
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Midwest
    Do you (and her) a favor and maybe try to light her fire long before you actually get to the act. Us men can be ready as soon as a girl drops her shorts, but some women really need that "ramp-up time" to get things flowing. Maybe try to set something up so that it doesn't seem so spur-of-the-moment....?

    IDK...just a thought.
     
  13. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    I would recommend trying some desensitizing cream for the sensitive foreskin. And what is that favorite position you mentioned? You might try one that demands less physical effort until you are more confident. Doggy with you on your knees and her on her elbows is probably the least strenuous.

    You say she made it clear she isn't into you. Maybe that's it; you just don't have it for a girl who doesn't have any affection. Some guys can fuck like dogs, anything female with legs and isn't too fugly. Is it possible you are not turned on by carnal excess with no sensual feeling? Could it be that you're... a good guy!!!:eek
     
  14. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,964
    Likes Received:
    5,077
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    Dude it is patently clear that neither of you were into the other ie little physical and no emotional attachment. The main function of sex biologically is procreation and pleasure the reward so ask yourself if there is nothing between you why even bother?
    My cock is like yours and if I am not totally aroused it too is sensitive & hurts when the skin is pulled. Don't waste your time on meaningless intercourse it will only give grief.
    Don't get me wrong here, I will never give up a good fuck but there has to at least be a bit of chemistry going!
     
  15. loveit247

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    1,241
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Cape Town
    Don't be a douche! Use a condom, always!!!!