Envy

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Trond, Mar 10, 2011.

  1. Trond

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    I was about to call this thread "jealousy" but then I realized that it is actually about envy. I hate this feeling, and I think I am pretty good at hiding it in everyday life. Still, sometimes it is there, and I have a question for you. It's hypothetical, but I think most of use have experienced similar situations.

    Say that you are single, or that you are currently experiencing some trouble in an existing relationship. You have two friends (same sex as yourself), both of whom are in long-term relationships:

    Friend A is perfectly happy in his/her relationship. They seem to do everything happily together, same sense of humor, they love to go on trips together etc etc. BUT: you don't find your friend's partner attractive.

    Friend B has a partner who is very attractive in your eyes. He or she is fun to be around, and so handsome or beautiful that you have problems NOT staring (I am personally like that. No not beautiful, but ogle-eyed:)). BUT: although they may make lots of sweet love, their fights are just as passionate, and the relationship has always seemed a bit shaky because of that.

    Which of these two makes you more envious? I find that I should logically be more envious of friend A. He or she is happy after all, and in this (hypothetical) case I am not. But if I am brutally honest with myself, I am actually more envious of friend B, because he's got someone I would like to have. Dear doctor Phil: does this mean that I am shallow?? OK I guess I am :lol
     
    #1 Trond, Mar 10, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2011
  2. bikersurgeon

    bikersurgeon New Member

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    A all the way! B on weekends.....ok maybe I'm shallow too lol. just kidding...A
     
  3. Trond

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    Well, I suppose that I would LIKE to be like Friend A, but that friend does not trigger that icky sneaky envious feeling in my stomach the way Friend B does. I have known a couple just like my example A above for many years, and I am frankly happy for them. Perhaps I was a little envious for a while, but it was never something that really made me feel bad. The Friend B situation has never made me act like a jerk, and I don't think anybody around me ever noticed, but it has sometimes put a damper on something that could have been a nice evening for me personally.:ugh
     
  4. nurseharley

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    friend B

    i dont mind a few passionate fights every now and then.
     
  5. Beach

    Beach New Member

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    sticking strickly to your hypothetical,putting myself in that situation I would be more envious of couple b...just a gut instinct,not getting too analytical about it..
     
  6. Trond

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    ....and I suppose that a passionate fight can lead to just-as passionate make up sex. :)
     
  7. nurseharley

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    well i dont know if this is relevant to the thread or not but the only reason i would have passionate fights (if i'm taking that word as i think you mean it) is because everything else in the relationship is just AS passionate.
     
  8. lbushwalker

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    Exactly, passion is passion whatever the reason or stimulus.
    I would go B for the same reason that fireworks do it for me over boring steady.
    Real passionate envy however goes to the bloke who finally snares our gorgeous NH:autofire
     
  9. squeezy

    squeezy New Member

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    I would have to go with B because the making up part would be the best and passionate fights every now and then could be healthy lol
     
  10. Trond

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    Sounds very relevant to me. Well, I suppose it is open to interpretation, but I think I get your drift..

    Um....no weapons please. Guns and envy are an especially bad mix :D
     
  11. Texas_Red

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    I'd be envious of Couple A. I've been in the situation of Couple B, and there is nothing to envy.

    Honestly, it sounds to me more like jealousy on your part anyway. You want the girl that friend B has. You're jealous of said friend. The type of relationship they have only makes you feel it possible to happen in some way, even if only in the sub-conscious.

    At least that's my take.
     
  12. Trond

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    Well, I think many people use the word "jealousy" like that, but wanting something someone else has is actually envy, if I get the words right in my head. My first language is not English, but we have the exact same confusion in Norwegian. Correct me if I am wrong here.

    Jealousy should be your mistrust and fear of losing someone you already have. So the wife-beater is usually not in control of his jealousy (or he thinks it is "right" to beat his wife, which is in some ways even worse).

    I see why you feel the way your do about the two couples. It makes a lot of sense, but sometimes my "gut feeling" (which is what I am talking about here) disagrees.
     
  13. Texas_Red

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    In looking up the definitions I think you are right. Envy covers the coveting of what another has. Jealousy is more the negative feeling associated with said envy. Envy isn't always a bad thing though, and in many cases telling someone you envy them or what they have is a compliment of sorts, which is likely why I was thinking more toward jealousy, which is more often the bad thing than good.

    As for the gut feeling disagreeing, that is understandable. There are levels of arguing. My experience involved a lot of knock down drag out kind of fighting. A lot of biting petty remarks and just generally cancerous. You cannot look back on that fondly, and so for me I've had my fill and would much rather have a relationship where we complimented each other in every way and rarely if ever fought.

    On the other hand, for those who've never been a in a really bad relationship, one in which there is occasional venting and then the making up helps keep things a little off balance so to speak, which keeps it "fresh" I s'pose.
     
  14. lovn_my_bbw

    lovn_my_bbw New Member

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    well i think it might be A is the relationship we have, and if we were having troubles i would be jealous of A wishing we could go back to that.
     
  15. lbushwalker

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    We perhaps see these issues in terms of degrees.
    Neither one or the other is perfect in all manner.
    Those who have experienced turmoil seek tranquillity and likewise those who have been buried by the mundane seek the excitement option.
    As for jealousy vs envy, in my view neither are particularly helpful to the individual in whom they may occur.
     
  16. backcheck64

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    I havent been single for sooo long, not sure, but probably B. The thing is I have situation A with the smoking babe of situation B. Had one of the other hockey dads say "I saw you stareing at your wifes ass" to which I replied, "and you weren't" to which he said "yea, but I'm not married to her"
     
  17. Trond

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    Looks like most people would be more envious of friend B. This is what I thought. Not because it necessarily makes sense of course, so some who are envious of the type B relationship could still choose to try to establish a type A kind of relationship, perhaps with someone a bit more attractive in their eyes.

    Part of the reason why I asked is because I wondered if people are more envious of others who seem to have "general happiness" or of someone who has an especially attractive partner. The former may be what we aim for in general, but it seems vague, the latter is far more specific and I think this is often where our gut feeling sets in.
     
  18. backcheck64

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    From my perspective, you have to have someone you are totally enfatuated with as far as looks AND you have to be able to share life goals, activities, interests. To be truly happy over the long haul, you need the two combined.