Endurance, or lack thereof...

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Texas_Red, Nov 25, 2010.

  1. Texas_Red

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    I was going to post in this thread but decided it would be better to post my own, since what I am asking is not quite the same as what he is asking.

    Some background: I lost my virginity at age 14. It wasn't an experience really worthy of anything, looking back on it. I laid on top and thrust away (her requirement, not mine). I lasted a minute or 2 until climax, but was able to keep going and remain erect. I went numb after a bit, but the point being I was able to maintain my erection and keep going.

    Since then I have had 3 partners, starting at age 23 or 24. One of the 3 we never had sex involving penetration because performance anxiety mixed with desensitizing condoms completely ruined any ability on my part to get fully erect and maintain.

    In both other relationships, even being completely comfortable and being able to perform, if I was doing the thrusting, I could not last more than a minute or 2 unless I went really slow and did what I could to not think about what I was doing. I can last plenty if my partner gets on top, or I am receiving oral, but if I am thrusting, it's all over in no time. Sad to say there were times when going for anal sex caused me to climax once I was all the way in.

    Granted for me this feels good regardless, at least for the climax. But I feel bad for a number of reasons, and that obviously does not help things at all.

    My first partner and I also tried using a desensitizing spray that was 1% lidocaine but we didn't really work at it to find the right amount to use and it went pretty much untouched.

    So at this point I am not really sure what one would do to build endurance. I've heard about kegels, but I don't see how being able to hold back the climax would help unless I could remain at climax for as long as my partner needed. Going slow only works if I go *really* slow, which can't be all the pleasurable for my partner (going on how my partner at age 23 went at it when she got on top). I've wondered about cock rings, but have 0 knowledge on how they work or if they're okay to use really.

    I don't need to be able to hold back my climax really, I just want to be able to maintain an erection (though delaying climax/orgasm is fine too).

    Any feedback would be great. :)
     
  2. lbushwalker

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    Hi Tex Red, in fact you should try to hold back your climax until you have given your partner sufficient time for pleasure.
    When you were younger you could maintain an erection post ejaculation but don't expect that to last a lifetime; it simply won't as you have already discovered.
    A cock ring might help but really it is control over your own pleasure level that is required.
    Desensitising gels sometimes help but often as you found are counter productive.
    Using a condom may also physically assist in delaying your orgasm.
    From my own experience I think it would be better to train yourself via masturbation techniques which gradually prolong the time before ejaculating.
    Others might have different ideas but if else fails there is always the possibility of using ED meds however at your age that seems a bit overkill and unwarranted.
     
  3. Texas_Red

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    Condoms in and of themselves don't really delay anything, they don't change the sensation that much really. At least not for me.

    I have tried "edging" a few times, but I'm not sure how I see that helping since it only reinforces that one has to stop or really slow down to halt the advance of climax.

    As for ED meds, yeah, I'm not a fan of pills as the solution. Besides, getting it up isn't my issue, it's staving off climax/orgasm so that it remains up.
     
  4. HayleyB

    HayleyB New Member

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    DO you exercise the PC muscle? My partner does it several times per day and it has helped improve the length of endurance and the quality of his orgasms immensely.
     
  5. Texas_Red

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    I have to be honest, it's not something I've kept at for any length. The ting I don't get about it is that while I can see how ti would allow one to hold back a bit longer, you can only hold climax back so long, and then the muscle tires or it's just too much and you *have* to let go. So for me, I go from lasting ~1 minute to lasting ~3 minutes on the outside? I don't see that improving the situation much.

    Granted I am not an expert on the subject, I'm just applying what I do know to the situation, and it's not adding up. I guess I'll have to do more research on exactly how kegels will affect things, and how long one can expect to be able to stave off orgasm by exercising that way.
     
  6. HayleyB

    HayleyB New Member

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    Simon found it took a few months - it wasn't an overnight thing - but he went from lasting maybe 15 minutes to well over an hour at times and now when he orgasms he needs a good ten minutes to recover :)
     
  7. johndeeregirl

    johndeeregirl New Member

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    you have to build up the muscle strength to hold it back.. and yup going from lasting 1 minute to 3 is an improvement.. just keep going and 3 will turn into 5, 5 into 10, 10 into 30 & before you know it you can last over an hour if you want to

    if you aren't having intercourse often, that could be part of the problem (if my partner and I don't have sex in a couple weeks, he usually doesn't last very long, but then again he's already worn me out ;) so it doesn't matter to me)

    there are certain positions that may make you prone to ejaculate early (if you are standing.. well we've discovered that for us to make him cum quick, we just have to be standing.. something about the use of different muscles helps him along)
     
  8. Texas_Red

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    Shit, I wish lasting 15 minutes was my problem. :p That said, if kegels were able to allow him to go from 15 to over an hour sometimes, that's certainly worth taking consideration of.

    Yeah, it's just been masturbation for close to a year now, and before that sex was infrequent. As for positions, as I said, I can last quite awhile if my partner gets on top. I don't know what the deal with that is, but that was what one of my GFs would do if she really wanted an orgasm via penetration. Get on top and go at it. The only other way I last is via oral, which seems odd to me since it feels even better than sex to me. Needless to say that doesn't do a lot for my partner, so I wouldn't think it really counts for much.

    So it sounds like I really need to look into kegels and start doing them.
     
  9. HayleyB

    HayleyB New Member

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    Please don't take this personally because it really isn't meant that way, but masturbation, especially in men can cause a few bad habbits.

    Generally the idea of masturbation is a "quick fix", whereas sex is about mutual pleasure. I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't masturbate, but perhaps rethink the goal of masturbation. Try and look at it as a form of practice rather than dealing with sexual energy. Learn to stop before you ejaculate and learn how to suppress that urge repeatedly.
     
  10. Texas_Red

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    Not taken personally at all. :)

    The term "quick fix" is apt, because I think for most people that's all it is. The sole goal is orgasm, and nobody wants to wait for that if they're by themselves. What you're suggesting is edging, which I have done some of, and I do know it tends to produce a more intense orgasm once I allow it. That said I'm not sure that's the answer just yet, and I will explain why: I've never been one to masturbate with lube, because lube causes the sensations to be more like a tickle that is hard to endure, rather than pleasurable. I would think the best description for the sensation would be like how sensitive one is post orgasm. You're practically untouchable due to how sensitive it is. I can't use strokers and such for the same reasons. So I always masturbate dry. Edging takes time. Prolonged dry masturbation can lead to chaffing. That limits how often and how long I can edge.

    I am definitely open to ideas and suggestions on how to solve that issue if anyone has any.
     
  11. HayleyB

    HayleyB New Member

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    Talk to your doctor, see if he/she will prescribe a gel or cream with say 30-40% Benzocaine content. It is a mile local ananesthetic, which should deal with the chaffing situation.
     
  12. Rozenkavalier

    Rozenkavalier New Member

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    These are all very good suggestions. Here is my view on the endurance challenge:

    Men and women should perform the kegel exercise regularly because it’s good for your overall health and muscle tone as well building strength in our genitals. The initial phase includes 20 reps three times a day for 3 weeks before you move on to the next phase of training. The exercise program is described in a number publications. For me it’s just like doing push-ups and sit-ups. It’s something you do if you want to be effective in life. Read “How to Make Love All Night (and Drive a Woman Wild” by Barbara Keesling, PhD. It’s free on-line from a number of websites.
    Sexual surrogates train men and women to be more effective lovers including men to be multi-orgasmic. I think they are well worth the money. Try “TantraTemple.com”. I think of being trained by a Tantra Goddess like taking golf lessons or bridge lessons. It’s a social skill. It’s good for everybody.
    Bottom line: A man who can walk for 3 miles briskly for an hour has the strength and endurance to be multi-orgasmic. If you can’t do that I would start there.
    Men’s Health Magazine publishes some pretty useful sexual advice for men. They suggest getting a friend involved in your training program, but you can do it alone as well. They recommend practicing controlling your ejaculation by masturbating to a point just sort of release, backing off to calm down, and then doing it again. Do it six or seven times. If you’re hard core then walk away without releasing, the sexual energy is incredible. It’s even more fun when a friend helps you or at least cheers while you do it.
    If you go no farther you will have improved endurance and understand how to manage your energy and ejaculations to prolong intercourse. The process is simply stroking until you feel yourself coming close (you recognize this through practice as above) controlling it by constricting the PB muscle and then changing positions, of frequency, or angle to allow yourself to calm down and let the urge to release subside. If you can do it continuously for 3 minutes then change, rest, do something else which gives your partner pleasure. Your lover’s excitement will continue to build until the point that 3 to 5 minutes will push her over the top. Give her a break to recover and then start again. There are some other things you can do described in the book above.
    Success (By this I mean a rousing vaginal orgasm stimulated by your cock inside you lover) takes practice individually and together. I read surveys that suggest that many women do not initially have this kind of orgasm but get there through learning themselves and their lovers. I think it helps to prepare the way with tongues, lips, fingers and toys.
    Good luck and have fun..

    Red
     
  13. guynky

    guynky New Member

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    Thanks for the advice man. This really helps me out too. I have a simialr problem as these guys here have described. Gonna check out the resources and try what you suggest. Thanks again.

     
  14. Rozenkavalier

    Rozenkavalier New Member

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    Look at Goddesstemple for starters and Tantra

    **Mod note**
    Please don't link to sites with adult material in them.
     
    #14 Rozenkavalier, Nov 25, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2010