Encouraging her to take control

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by sharky, Jun 9, 2006.

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  1. sharky

    sharky New Member

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    I have been dating my current gf for two months and have been trying to get her either tell me what to do with her... or take a bit more control. She has had a few other partners that usually never paid attention to her, so she has expressed that she is uncomfortable taking over, unless she is drunk. She told me that the only time she ever has, was when she was drunk, and really wanted sex. I usually ask her what she wants me to do or what she likes best... 9 times out of 10 the answer is anything, yeah it is a good answer to some but I am looking for more participation from her. I am very close to just getting some toys and edibles and using those but I want some input from her... too. Most of the time during sex the only way I get participation from her is when I tell her what to do. I have explained to her that we both really have alot of say in what goes down, not just one of us calling all the shots. Any advice?
     
  2. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    It's simply a matter of confidence. I used to be like that, afraid to be assertive in bed because I'd read somewhere that men don't like the idea of their partner being experienced enough to know what she wants. But now I know that's definitely not true. I'm afraid that the more you encourage her to be confident and assertive, the more uncomfortable about it she'll feel. However, try and built up her confidence as much as you can in both sexual and non-sexual situations. Low self-esteem takes a long time to get over, and she won't be ready until she's ready. Good luck!
     
  3. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Well said, P-n-B!
    I know I come from another whole generation :lol , but I was very 'plain' in bed when i was real young and new to it. I was pretty much taught that women should just be the recipients of such advances. No lady would ever have personal ideas about what she wants in the way of sex. You just lay there and let him do it, moaning a bit to let him know he's good.
    :rofl
    "You've come a long way baby!"

    But yeah, instead of trying to pry things out of her, just build her up (and not just in bed... !) - let her see herself through your eyes. And be patient.
    In the meantime, go ahead and try a toy from time to time. I recommend the vibrator for exterior stimulation first (if she isn't used to 'things' being inserted in her). It will make her feel less self-conscious ( imo), and she may find she likes the new sensation on her clit. ;)
     
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