Emotional Affair

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by AGFUNK, May 23, 2014.

  1. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    I was talking with my husband today how my emotional needs are not being met. That if it didn't change I would be forced to look some where else to have my needs met. He said he wouldn't/didn't care. Yes, we did have a conversation beyond that. I was wondering if anyone had advice to get him to meet my needs or advice on having an emotional affair.

    I'm not going to leave my husband so don't suggest it please.
     
    #1 AGFUNK, May 23, 2014
    Last edited: May 23, 2014
    Untamed likes this.
  2. Untamed

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2010
    Messages:
    2,168
    Likes Received:
    331
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    New Zealand
    He said he wouldn't and didn't care? Where the fuck is the love?? (Sorry love but I'm pissed off)

    Ask him if he even wants to be here? Or tell him to get the fuck out....? Take your ring off and give it back? or just leave.

    Easier said then done but staying in a loveless relationship is pretty shit.
     
    MHmac, mscowboy, luvbug and 1 other person like this.
  3. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    He loves me and I love him. He just won't cuddle, hug or kiss. Sure he will if I do it first but he won't do it on his own or if I ask.
     
  4. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    He won't even spend time with me when little guy is sleeping such as watching a movie or even just talking like we used to.
     
  5. Untamed

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2010
    Messages:
    2,168
    Likes Received:
    331
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Sorry my initial response was pretty impulsive. I've had similar conversations before and it results in maybe 2 days of him trying hard then back to the same. I guess some people can't be bothered putting in the effort and forget about the other person in the relationships needs.

    Maybe ask him if this is how he pictured your relationship being? Ask him what your doing wrong why he's not into showing affection anymore?
     
  6. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    I haven't asked if this is how he pictured our relationship yet. Thanks for that question. I will have to ask him later. I know I'm not doing anything wrong. I take care of everything in the house and do most of the caring for our son. He works and then he plays his game. He will spend time with our son and take care of him if I ask. I show him affection all the time. I usually do not turn him down for sex unless I'm in the middle of doing something or taking care of our son. That's mostly because we don't have sex as often as I like and I take what I can get.
     
  7. HotForHoney

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2013
    Messages:
    16,922
    Likes Received:
    17,177
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    North East USA
    Never give the ring back.... Might need the money later.
     
    MHmac, ply, opnm1nd and 7 others like this.
  8. MissJuicy

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
    Messages:
    287
    Likes Received:
    523
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Scotland
    Hon I'm more concerned by the fact he said he didn't care, did you ask him why that was his reaction?

    And when did things change ?
     
  9. MissJuicy

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
    Messages:
    287
    Likes Received:
    523
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Scotland
    Oh lordy that made me chuckle
     
    HotForHoney likes this.
  10. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    It changed when he started caring more about his game then me. This year. He had problems with the game before our son came along. That's a whole other story though. The thing that bothered me the most is that I did have an emotional affair when we first got married. At least that's what he says it was. I cut out the person that he said I was having an affair with. I haven't talked to them in years. Now he just doesn't care. No he's not cheating. He doesn't have the time at all.
     
  11. John W

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2014
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    183
    Gender:
    Male
    Sounds like he doesn't care if you have an emotional affair because he is already having one himself with his game. I still don't get the game thing, but I think the two of you really need to discuss priorities, especially with a little one around.
     
  12. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    I know he's having one with the stupid fucking game. It goes a lot deeper than I thought it did. I've tried talking to him, it doesn't work. It's like I'm talking to a fucking wall.
     
    ply likes this.
  13. CaramelLady

    Guest

    A wise, wonderful man told me that a husband's job is to make his wife feel that she is the most beautiful woman in the world, and that he should see to it that ALL her needs are met.

    I know that leaving your husband is not an option, but at some point AGFUNK you will have to make some choices. Not that I am advocating one thing over another. But my dear you deserve to be happy too.

    Sweetie no man should put a video game in front of his woman. He should not ever, ever have her play second fiddle to a game. I cannot for the life of my understand him. If he loves you, he should show it!!

    Your son is learning from his father how to treat women and how to treat a woman you love, the mother of your child. Is this what you want for him? You are a lovely young woman and you deserve everything a good healthy relationship entails.

    You have given him the best that you have, why should you settle for less from him.

    I am sorry to be so blunt, but someone needs to kick his ass, take his games away, and say. "Hey this is how you lose her stupid!" Someone needs to tell him to treat you right and hold on to the best thing in his life.
     
    MHmac, sandwich, Untamed and 3 others like this.
  14. 10_3XL

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    8,236
    Likes Received:
    9,544
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Idaho, USA
    I could say a lot in response to this. I've been in a situation very close to your husband's (game-obsessed, removed from the real world, etc). Everyone else has been saying all sorts of things here. My piece I'll keep completely brief for once. Based off what you have said here, elsewhere, and before now:

    LEAVE HIS SORRY ASS!

    Not necessarily permanently, but a severe wakeup call is needed. Take your son, pack your bags, and leave your husband.
     
    luvbug, Kiltedtxn, Untamed and 2 others like this.
  15. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    I have thought about it. We have no place to go. His mom is in another state, I don't talk to my parents and my mom will just use this as I told you so and my grandmother is sick. I plan on talking with him again tonight when our son is sleeping. I found out more about his game that he failed to tell me while he was sleeping.
     
    Untamed and CaramelLady like this.
  16. AtkCCC

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2012
    Messages:
    682
    Likes Received:
    300
    Gender:
    Male
    May I offer some advice from someone who has been married for over 30 years…Do not get confrontational during you chat with Hubby. Stern and concerned is perfectly fine but from my experience as soon as the voices get loud the listening and understanding stop. Good luck.
     
  17. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    Thank you. I will try my damnest.
     
  18. Untamed

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2010
    Messages:
    2,168
    Likes Received:
    331
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    New Zealand
    What did you find out Hun?

    And what game is he playing?
     
  19. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    He spent a lot of money on the game. He planned on spending the whole day tomorrow on it. He prefers it more to real life. I tried talking. I'm done talking. I got everything out. I stayed calm. I didn't yell. I thought before I spoke. I'm just very tired and sad. Hell I even brought up an old friend that he has issues with and nothing. He says that it will never be enough no matter what he does. He thinks that since he goes out with us and isn't on the game then that he's doing good. More was said but I'm just too tired now. Going to go to sleep next to my son soon.

    I'll message you the game.
     
    Untamed likes this.
  20. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,963
    Likes Received:
    5,072
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    Yep he has disconnected with reality and lives in his cyber wonderland.
    'Fraid there is only one way for him to realise that and 10-3XL said it!
     
    opnm1nd, Untamed and 10_3XL like this.