effects of being unfaithfull.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by blueberry78, Jul 11, 2013.

  1. blueberry78

    blueberry78 New Member

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    Hey guys, after some advice here, I caught my wife out talking dirty and thinking about her past on facebook with one of her ex's a while back. It wasn't to much of a deal, I was annoyed we talked it out and that was that. Our sex life was normal for about 6 months after and now I have lost all interest. Our life doesn't have any drama and things are cool talking wise, I have just lost the desire to be with her intimately. Any helpfull ideas or advice welcome guys and girls. I'm at a loss on this one.
     
  2. blueberry78

    blueberry78 New Member

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    Thought I should also add, no I don't flirt, talk dirty or want to meet up with any ex or new girl as I got married to be with one girl cause I meant it, so I'm not being a hypocrite. Ah what else? he sent her pics of his dick that I saw on her facebook and its smaller by a fair bi than mine and I made her cum a lot while I was still into it so not threatened at all. I'm really at a loss guys and girls.
     
  3. Trond

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    Are you sure that her flirting is linked to your loss of interest?
     
  4. blueberry78

    blueberry78 New Member

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    Pretty sure, I know people define things differently but what she went into like phone calls behind my back etc I think go beyond flirting. that's just me and my opinion though. to make it in the mirror I would fully expect hell if I did that to any woman while in a committed relationship.
     
  5. JonJo

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    How long have you been married?
    How old are you?
    Any there any other changes, in your general health?

    You say you talked it over and everything was cool - but it obviously wasn't/isn't, it's still in your mind.

    What is your religious belief?
    Have you strong moral beliefs - you talk about being unfaithful, what is your true definition of unfaithful?

    You may not be threatened by the size of his dick but you are threatened by something and maybe are 'easing' your way away from being hurt, in case her flirting means more than just that.
    Ask her why he send her photos of his cock? Did he think that she'd want him to? Did she want him to? If so why?

    Has she commented on your lack of interest?
    Does it bother her?
    Has she asked why?

    Basically: Talk more. If you can talk to her as you say you can then tell her how you are feeling, then put the same questions to her as you have to us.
     
  6. blueberry78

    blueberry78 New Member

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    That's some good advice, I have answers but its like 3am here in Australia. will be cal with answers in the morning guys and girls. thank you for the good food for thought.
     
  7. losixxx

    losixxx Member

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    There is a difference in talking and communicating. Have you tried to acctualy listen to her and how she is feeling no matter how small her problems is. Is this a case of she was seeking attention and affection. Pic of his dic on facebook look at the photos on hear there is dicks tits and a lil of everything difference is 99.9% are strangers and ppl no one will ever meet.
     
  8. IdoPiddleSome2

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    Re: effects of being unfaithful.

    Possibly I'm a fellow throwback who still {ghasp} thinks marriage means something. Pay your dues, play by the rules, enter into an agreement you meant to keep faithfully, and then suddenly YOU'RE the one who's out of line; that sort of thing.

    It doesn't just happen in marriage. It does, in many places in which you trusted another human to play by the same rules you both agreed were THE rules. Wish I had more to offer than to say that's part of life, but it's part of life. I won't say I'm always happier for lowering my expectations, but it tends to make for a bit less insomnia.

    You might examine your views on forgiveness and your options in case that doesn't cut it. Best regards.
     
  9. blueberry78

    blueberry78 New Member

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    Ok guys will try to answer as best I can, we have been together for 4 years and married for 1. I'm 35 and she 26, my libido is fine as I still masturbate in the shower in the morning and night. no religion for either of us and Iwe do communicate fairly well, her biggest issue with me is I snoring after I've been drinking. no real health changes have happened. she has not bought up the lack of sex lately but I know the conversation is in the post and will arrive one day soon. I listen to her when she tells me how she feels, I give her head and shoulder massages when she's sore, make her breakfast in bed occasionally and try to make her laugh with jokes and observational humour and also try to buy her a nice surprise every now and then. I still tell her I love her as I really still do it's just my sexual desire for her after the whole getting hot with an ex thing has disappeared. we talked about it back then and she said it was just a stupid mistake that she wishes she could take back and she honestly had no idea why she did all of it, that's the best I can answer for the previous replies for now guys and girls and thank you for your replies. I'm really at a loss for what to do, I wish they had a "find the want to bang your partner detector" like a metal detector lol.
     
  10. Meee

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    In my humble ( :rofl ) opinion, you're working too hard to convince us that everything was ok after she was unfaithful. Everything's cool, no drama, that was that, and so on. Well I don't believe it. Dick pics? Talking dirty? Secret phone calls? I don't believe that you were only annoyed. Frankly, I can't imagine that it wasn't crushing. Open yourself up to how seriously it shook you, and maybe you'll be able to start getting in touch with how it has affected your sex life.

    Also, I see a contradiction between these two statements:

    I'm hearing at least some lack of communication. Once again, I think you're trying too hard to set this up like everything's ok and your lack of desire is some kind of mystery. You don't have to be at a loss for what the problems are. Reread your posts. The clues are there.
     
  11. blueberry78

    blueberry78 New Member

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    I didn't say things were perfect with communication but we still talk and were not fighting, I was very upset at the time but that was months ago and we had sex for months afterwards until literally 2 weeks ago when my dick just went nah fuck it I can't be bothered on me. I think the reason she hasn't bought up the lack of sex with me is she is worried about the answers she may get but then that's conjecture and guessing what your partner is thinking is a bad thing I think. I'm worried that this is the beginning of the end for us and even though I've tried so hard to put it behind me my head or heart or whatever has made up its own mind. I don't want it to end but if I'm not sexually attracted to her anymore I'm smart enough to know the writings on the wall. such a shame really, we are so damn good together. also if everything was fine I would not have made this thread, honestly though we don't fight, still sleep in the same bed and tell each other we love each other. I just don't have that attraction to her now.
     
    #11 blueberry78, Jul 12, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2013
  12. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    i've been there recently. meee gives good advice. you really need to accept how deeply her actions have affected you and admit that you are more bothered than you claim to be. i dont necessarily think the writing is on the wall, but it will be if you don't man up and talk to your wife about it. sex is more about a functioning dick. your (big) head has to be in it too. right now, your head and your heart, to be honest, are not. you need to let out whatever it is you have bottled up if you dont want to kill your relationship. if you still love her, as you say you do, then you need to figure out a way to work through the issue of her actions. you need to figure out what it meant for her, and the answer "i dont know why i did it" is total bullshit, i should know, i've used it. she doesnt want to tell you the truth, and deep down, you know that, and you know you don't really want to hear the truth cuz it could hurt. the only way to get every thing back on track is to get it all out in the open. bottling it all up and ignoring it is only going to make things worse, and if you wait too long, it could be irrepairable.
     
  13. blueberry78

    blueberry78 New Member

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    Update for all, I had it out with her after she accused me of cheating tonight because I don't want sex anymore. it all ended with her saying she just likes being done by random guys and that's her thing, fetish or whatever way you want to say it. she said she thought the sex with me was so good that she thought she could give that life up but its what's she's into. so end result I don't do cuckold even though she offered that solution. kicked her out with her things, going to my bar and time to enjoy being single. Thanks to all the opinions that stopped this from being a drawn out process. its hammered time.
     
  14. blueberry78

    blueberry78 New Member

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    I thought I should add she left with the car I bought her, the crazcost rings and jewellery and ill give her the town house in the split. she is not hard done by and I'm not a prick. would have been nice if she told me that stuff when we got together. Wish I could meet a girl who didn't get with me for money or sex and just got with me cause I'm a caring and loyal guy. I'm off guys and girls. thanks for theadvice.
     
  15. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    well that was quick... :/
     
  16. luvbug

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    Sorry things ended the way they did.
    Good luck!!

    Oh....and have a drink or two for me!! :)
     
  17. Peteher

    Peteher Member

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    In my sick mind I'd go somewhere different. I'd start to get her warmed up, call her a little slut and make her talk dirty to me about wanting to get fucked by this dude. I'd smack her ass, cum in her butt and treat her like a whore. That sounds like way more fun to me. When she's breathless I'd whisper in her ear that she needs to tell me if anything like that happens again and behave herself in the future.
    Turn lemons into lemonade man! Women who are bored are targets for cheating. Use your hurt feelings to divert this to sexual energy and dominance. I'm telling you it can save your marriage and self estime.