I started a new job back in the last week of June, and not that it's necessarily connected but our sex life has been going downhill since. I think I thought it was at the bottom before our 10 year anniversary vacation, and it was a rough 3 weeks before that because she gets all worked up over changes like going on a trip and will the kids be okay being left with grandparents and so forth... So the trip was okay, I knew we'd have more sex than while we're home and we did the first couple nights, and after that she was too tired by the end of the day which was what I expected, but since then all we've had was rushed sex in the morning a few times with a constant stream of being too tired at night or her being out of action. Saturday was our last time to do it, and by now I'm at that point where I want to be turned on by her but I've been so repeatedly shot down that I am associating wanting her with being rejected, so I'm reading signals from her in the morning that she might be ready, but by the end of the day after the kids go to bed she's not sending signals, she's just laying there. As it turns out, it was a really good opportunity for me. She knows I've been wanting her and she orgasms from oral, she wears my favorite leopard print shelf bra and crotchless panties, she lets me hastily set up the video camera, she gets in reverse cowgirl position for me... But I'm not hard, and after she gets me hard I last for 3 pumps. So the next day she's happy with the sex session but worried I'm not attracted to her, we talk about things and I explain that I've been frustrated so long that I'll need things to turn around before my confidence is rebuilt... After a nice talk I'm feeling a little better and a little horny so I take a chance and ask her if she wants to try some more, but she's tired by this time. Then this morning she accomodates me with a little affection, she's sending signals again, and of course nothing will come of it until the kids are in bed after trick or treating. And then after they're in bed at 8 PM she doesn't want to do anything because she doesn't want to miss House which is on at 9 PM. So that's just ridiculous to me, so I let it all out. There's my story, we're at that point where it looks hopeless and that we're in a cycle of frustration causing frustration. I am sure I can figure it out if I had the energy, but there's the problem - I don't, I'm too flustered to think about it. Whatever advice anyone gives, nothing about infidelity. I just feel a need to say that because I have no idea where this will go, I just don't want it to go there because (with all due respect to those for whom open marriage type stuff works) infidelity is repulsive to me.