dont know what to do

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by cum, Mar 31, 2011.

  1. cum

    cum New Member

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    I posted something similiar to this but I just can't deal w this any more my wife doesn't hve any sex drive all. We both work I get up at 4:45 to exercise n she gets up 5:15. we get off work at 4:30 n we both get home by 5pm. We share our responsabilties, she cooks n I wash dishes n so on. We have a 2 yr old child which I also help her with. Bed time comes n there is no signs of her wanting to make love she falls asleep right away.I love her n always want tomake love to her but don't know what to do n she also gets mad if I watch porn. What th f'''k
     
  2. HardRocker

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    Can the child sleep over at the grandparent's once a month? Or friends who have children as well as the same problem (all parents do). If there is some way to get away for a night alone, or even at a motel once in a few weeks and relax with your favorite out-of-house entertainment, it works wonders for your relationship. We had to force ourselves to make the time somehow, but it was well worth it. You have to remember to be partners first and parents and providers second.

    We were lucky to have several friends who all had their babies at the same time, and we would help each other out that way. And our parents would take our child for a weekend once in a while too.
     
  3. need4more

    need4more New Member

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    Sounds like she is exhausted, too tired to be in the mood. I know I require a lot more sleep than my SO. You both have long days, then throw in the daily stuff and a 2 year old. Even though you are sharing responsibilities, she is probably more tired than you think. My mind used to go into hyperdrive when I went to bed, so relaxing was not something I would do. She may be doing that too. Talk to her.
     
  4. cum

    cum New Member

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    Well baby goes to bed around 8 8:30 n there is no way wife will let the baby stay at someone elses house. Grand Parents leave to far away it sucks cuz she is also too conservative she won't share any sexual thoughts n thinks is crazy to touch her self
     
  5. backcheck64

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    Tough spot, Are you doing absolutely all you can do to help with the house and kid?. Have you tried candle lit backrubs right after your child goes to sleep? She sounds frazzled and that means more of the remedy falls on you. Wife had a rough day at work yesterday, so while she was getting ready for bed, I lit a dozen candles (for some reason she finds they area relaxing), then proceeded to give her a half hour massage. When I stopped massaging her, she rolled over on top of me and proceeded to try to rip my dick off. She got so hot with the massage and things, she went nuts...not that I didn't enjoy it. You need to get on a fix pretty quick because kids are much easier at a young age. As they get older, the running gets really intense, with school functions, sports, social engagements..... time will only get shorter.
     
  6. Moon

    Moon New Member

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    I can't add much to the above but I would suggest you try to insist on cuddling her - if only for a moment or two - each night.

    Take the pressure off wanting sex for a bit, just start by holding her. Tell her she is precious and beautiful, get her used to being loved for the woman she is without wanting something from her. The rest will follow :)
     
  7. cum

    cum New Member

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    Yes I do try very hard I have giving her massages but by the the time the baby falls asleep completely wife falls asleep too. Three wks ago I gave her one massage n had sex, at the end she told me I don't have as much imagination as u honey. N on top of that she is very quiet when it comes to sex talk so I don't know I'm doing my best or is it that I'm just weird?
     
  8. Chronichaze

    Chronichaze New Member

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    That's quite the predicament.. You're going to have to be straight up though. No other way going about it. It may be hard to approach at first. Tell her you think it's a important component to a healthy relationship and be sure to mention how much the kid and her mean to you. If she can't understand that then she probably truly doesn't have much of a sex drive. Some people are just like that. You'll have to express you're concern directly to her if you wish to have some hope in your future love life.
     
  9. HardRocker

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    Something to think about that I learned the hard way; men woefully overestimate the amount of help they provide around the house and kids. If you see anything that needs doing, do it whether it's usually her job or not. Dividing the chores agreeably does not work, because stuff doesn't need to be done in such a convenient order. That includes picking up the rugrat when she's crying, shitting, snotting or whatever. Grocery shopping, clothes, dishes and dust all happen faster than you can control.

    I know you said in your first post you share the chores, but just rethink it and make sure you are doing all you can. It's a proven aphrodisiac.
     
  10. Sportinwood

    Sportinwood New Member

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    I didnt read all the other responses so I may be repeating something. Tell HER how you feel, tell her what you want. Being tierd 24/7 is an excuse not a reason. I know b/c I was in a relationship like this. I told her how I felt and she seemed to ignore it like it wasnt a big deal. Well after a couple years of it I couldnt take it anymore and ended up cheating on her...she found out and I told he why I did it. I didnt love the other women I loved her, I wanted to be with my wife not the other women. It was purely for the sex and the sex only. Ever since the affair it opened her eyes and she realized I was serious about what I had told her. If she was taking care of her man along with everything else none of this would have happened. Things couldnt be better. I know what half of you are thinking so go ahead and say it. It happened...its all in the past now and things are good. Everybody handles situations differently.
     
  11. Alwayslearningsex

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    Hard Rocker takes me back to when my kids were that age, we used to have babysitter and go on dates.
    For your problem, did you have an open talk with wife? Without pressure.

    Also I don't know if this is your home life, just throwing some points for you to take or leave it.
    As things are busy we must not lose track of what we are in together for, WHY we got together, and keeping it fresh in our lives as best as we can.
    Not to live witrh rose colored shades, but to show how we appreciate each other, love each other, bu also riding the highs and lows together.
    (that's not for me anymore since I ended things with ex)
    Women will also want to be loved, not because it leads to sex, but to be loved ..... men too but you get the point. They want sex too but not all are the same, and life has a way of changing things. Doing things, showing love and affection without hinting at sex, waking up in the morning with a kiss, "I love you", a call or email saying she is sexy and you are lucky to have her.
    Ideas, and if this fits here trying to help. Other than that no idea.
    Having kids, stress, can kill sex drive, not her fault.
     
  12. Meee

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    This is from your other thread:

    Even before you had a child, you had a sexual compatibility problem. This needs more work than just getting a babysitter. Marriage counseling maybe?

    P.S. Your profile says you make about 100 thousand a year. Does your wife really need to work right now when you have a two year old?
     
  13. backcheck64

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    I agree she should be home with the child, but I also know $100K doesn't go far in Colorado, I have a friend in Aurora making $95K and barely scraping by, I can live much better here on $40K than I could out there on $100K.
     
  14. cum

    cum New Member

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    Yes I know I said even b4 our kid we had a problem w sex but back then we had sex a lot the problem was that she was also like conservative like touching her self is kind of wrong for her. N she won't give up her career I told her b 4. Thanks mee
     
  15. backcheck64

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    Her FIRST career should be mother. Ask any teacher, they can tell you the kids that the mother stayed home with them and those that were in day care. My wife didn't give up her career, it was just on a break. After the kids were in middle school, she went back and basicly picked up where she left off, but as a result, our kids are litterally at the top of their classes, my son could have started college based on SAT/ACT scores at age 12, both in the gifted and Duke TIP program and both reading at a college level in middle school. Son is taking all honors and AP courses and and my daughter is on the same track. Both are also top athletes on their hockey and lacrosse teams. This was possible because she stayed at home with them, had them reading by age 3, played with them to build balance and agility and eye hand coordination. If you plan on having any influence over your kids as teenagers, you have to build that bond very early on.
     
  16. cum

    cum New Member

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    The problem is not about her being a good mom or not actually she rather not have a sex life or social to b amom