(PLEASE CONTINUE READING AFTER PICTURE) I really like this picture (especially the statement it is making) I'd like to get my wife (Not all the time, but occasionally) to be more like this during sex and/or foreplay. (Assertive? aggressive? Take charge?) Like; "I've got what you want, so you are going to do what I say." That is called dominance play, right? Or something like that?? IDK, but for the sake of this thread, that's what Im going to call it. Sort of just being aggressive, possessive, in charge, assertive, etc. I DON'T MEAN LIKE BONDAGE, WHIPS, and CHAINS type of thing! Just to clarify...! Anyway, I have some questions about "dominance play"... and I am hoping someone can give me some advice, but first, allow me to get some information and thoughts here... My wife and I have been married for going on 13 wonderful years. We have sex quite often. (almost every day) We both love sex! My wife is ...fairly open... to trying new things. But she's more of the personality that is... more playful... and...passive? She'll do pretty much whatever I say in bed. But she isnt really...assertive or aggressive...herself. She's not really "creative" either. (though she can have her moments, dont get me wrong) She'd be just has happy, I think, to just have straight up "normal" sex, as opposed to say... trying to spice it up with other things. eg. Anal, dress up, unusual places, etc. She IS open to doing all that, But I am the one that has to come up with those things, typically. She enjoys them, but she rarely would initiate other things. (Like she loves to dress up for me, but yet, I dont think she would have ever initiated herself, like went out and bought sexy outfits, it if I hadn't first got her into doing it. And actually, she still doesnt just go out and buy such things. I usually buy them for her, or tell her to look for something new. But I dont recall her ever going to a store or going online shopping herself for such types of things without my prompting it.) And like she would never say... "I want you to come over here and fuck me". Or grab me when we are out, and take me somewhere because she must have me. I am not saying that she wont initiate sex, she DOES sometimes at home, but again, she is more.. Playful about it even then. I am not sure if I am explaining this well.... I wonder if it is a confidence thing with her. I can imagine her being aggressive and assertive, and its such a turn on. It's so hot thinking about! She'd could easily have me begging for it. (I dont think she quite realizes the power of pussy. haha. Sometimes she make it a little "too easy".) I'd love for her to be like, "I know you want this". But at the same time, I think it would seem...out of character for her to do that kind of thing. So I guess my question is this.... can this sort of thing...dominance play... be learned? Or is it really something you already have to be, personality wise? Is it something only one person in the relationship can be? I would love to: slap her ass when I am doing her doggy-style, or pull her hair while Im fucking her. (I think about it when we are having sex) Or be a little aggressive with my talk to her during sex. (Now, I have tried to experiment with some of this, a little...on occasion. But I felt weird doing it myself. Like the other night, she was strattling me backwards, fucking me. And I really wanted to smack her ass. I kept trying, but I'd hesitate, and pull back. Or kind of just...pat her....lol... I really wanted to but it felt..weird.) I've grabbed her hair and slightly pulled her head back before, but then I feel like I should be more tender and loving. I almost feel guilty. She's rather delicate... I'd love for both of us to take turns being the aggressor, or play dominance, or whatever its called, during sex from time to time....But while its a turn on...I just dont know if it is really, "us". I have mentioned it to her...about being more...aggressive... And I showed her that picture above. But I don't think she really "got it" though. She said something like, "Im not really sure how one would do that." Or something to that effect. So I could tell she didnt really get it. And I think if she ever did do or say something aggressive, it would seem...weird to me too , because that's not really her personality. And I know if I were to say or do something like that, I would also feel a bit weird. Would that feeling wear off? Or would it always feel weird? Would it start coming more naturally? So again, I guess my question is...can you learn it? Or is is more of a personality thing? Thoughts, advice? Sorry if i was sort of all over the place with that. I just type my thoughts as I am thinking them.