Does this sound weird?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Sally103, Apr 23, 2007.

  1. Sally103

    Sally103 New Member

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    Please bear with me if this sounds a bit long winded.

    My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. We were childhood sweethearts with "benefits" but then I moved away and the relationship lapsed. After a few years, we met up again and we resumed what where we left off and eventually got married.

    When we first got married, we made love constantly and at all hours. For newlyweds, i would expect that but then it started tapering down. Way down. We went from having sex every day to every other day to every 3rd day to once every week and now we are at once a month (twice if i'm lucky). I very much love my husband and know that sex isn't everything and I also know that I have a very high libido so do make certain concessions for him. I even accept the fact that he doesn't like to be as affectionate as I can be. So I restrict myself from cuddling or hugging or kissing or a lot of foreplay for him. I can deal with this even though I don't get out much. (I work from home and so my human contact is restricted to well...just him.)

    So anyway, he has kids from a previous relationship and again i'm ok with that. But this means he also has an ex who I not ok with. Now, before it sounds like i'm being overly jealous, hear me out.This is a woman who even though she knows we're married, decided to one day have him pick up the kids from her house and shows him her nightie...Her see thru nightie...(He told her not to do this). And up until recently, she would send him text to his cell describing sexual acts that she wanted to do to him (he put a stop to this after i found out...he hadn't before becuase he said it was only talk and it kept her from ranting and raving..which i know sounds weird but is true. Believe me she's a real nutcase).

    Ok, so there's that, now before we met up again, he had this other girl who he swears up and down that he never touched. She now has a kid and she says the kid is his (i've never seen the kid so don't know if this is true). But I found an old e-mail from him to her saying that he remembers how they used to "fuck good" and she used to "suck his dick good". I asked him about her but he continues to deny that anything happened and says that it was a ruse to have her prove the kid is his. Ok...

    I know he loves me and he likes to protect me from a lot of things But is it just me or does all of this sound odd to anyone else besides me? Am i just being overly possesive?
     
  2. Princess_Olga

    Princess_Olga New Member

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    Honestly, this does sound VERy odd. I don't know about the baby mama and her see through nighties...maybe he is doing something with her, but he just might as well not be. However, the whole deal with the woman who's claiming her kid is his smacks of him lying about something. If he sent her an email saying those things, it's likely they actually did those things. You have a right to know what the truth is, even if it hurts you.
     
  3. Sally103

    Sally103 New Member

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    Thanks for the feedback.

    I honestly don't know if he is doing anything (or did) but I thought it might just be me who was misconstruing the situation.

    He actually just called me on his way back from work to tell me that he might be late because she asked him to take her to the store to pick up some items for her new apartment. He said that if he didn't do it, she would gripe about it for weeks and try and keep him from visiting the kids. I asked if he would pick me up and he said that she would gripe about that too. (She does and has said so to my face)

    I don't know what to do.
     
  4. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    That all sounds so very dubious to me ( not meaning you are not telling the truth dont get me wrong on that ) but to be hinest on how this sounds to me , it sounds very very very dubious, just sounds like a lot of excuses. I do hope nothing is going on, but if i were in your shoes i would be thinking that it all sounds just way to odd.

    I could be way off base but doesnt sound like he is being upfront with you.
     
  5. deric

    deric New Member

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    I don't know much, but he is guilty and hiding something. thats my guess
     
  6. nibbs

    nibbs New Member

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    +1, idk, just dosn't sound right.
     
  7. Bluesy

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    He's plying you with (pitiful) excuses. If he really wanted to sever their relationship, he would've done so, damn the consequences. And why would he tell you about the see-through nightie? That's not the sort of thing a guy who doesn't want to upset his wife does.

    Not only is he lying, he isn't even doing a very good job at it :uhh: Or maybe I've just had a lot of experience with liars and have consequently developed a top-notch BS Detector ;)
     
  8. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

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    Sounds like he has 2 or more girlfriends plus you and you are the only one who will give him time to rest. You need a boyfriend.
     
  9. Steel

    Steel Member

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    Being a guy for the past 33 years, the whole “not interested in sex” thing is VERY rare in a man. That to me is screaming that something isn’t right. Combine that with the X and I’d start to worry a bit. Sounds like you guys need a heart to heart and if everyone agrees, some counseling.
     
  10. Sally103

    Sally103 New Member

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    I am a bit glad it's not just me that thinks this sounds a bit odd. I was seriously getting weirded out because whenever i do talk to him about these things he always acts as if he is the offended party and sort of side steps the issues. He makes me apologize for even asking even if there is something very amuck about the situation.
    For example: when I found out about the texting his ex did, he was upset because i even brought it up and said it was not important (which sounds strange to me, doesn't it?) I asked him how long it had been going on and he never answered until the end of the conversation. He said it had been going on for over a month!! He said he didn't do anything with her and it was all just talk but i don't know. Some of the msgs were very explicit and the dates coincide with dates when he was out "with the guys" so i frankly do not know.
    The fact that he touches me so infrequently now makes me wonder if it is me? I find myself doubting myself (in the past i've never had a problem with my self esteem.) and whether i'm still appealing (weird considering I still get catcalls on the street).
    I know he wouldn't go to counseling. He thinks all of that is baloney. But i think i may just go for my own health. I seriously don't think it's healthy that i feel so rejected by the person i love the most, you know?
     
  11. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Never ever doubt yourself, if i was you i would be feeling kind of the same , but i would also be kicking his lame ass out the door..and chucking all his crap out the window to him :p

    Hun he sounds like he is cheating his ass off, and trying to make you feel insecure and guilty for thinking he could be , when all the signs are saying he is.......personaly from what im hearing id think you were better off without him, sling his cheating ass to the curb ( theres far better guys than this one around )
     
  12. quentin1007

    quentin1007 New Member

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    Dont doubt yourself, hon. From my perspective as a man, men tend to want sex more than women do. Maybe because we go at it so fast and furious and dont really take the time to enjoy it we crave it more. What I'm saying is that most men would not go that long without sex. If hes only doing it with you once a month, this tells me that hes getting it somewhere els e or he's having an affair with his left hand. I feel sorry for women like you. You sound like a real catch, loyal, caring, and you are trying to do things the right way. I wish I had someone that wanted to have sex with me every single day. (hey you do live in Illinois, lol). But seriously what I think you should do is lay the hint on him that you are thinking about having an affair yourself. Tell him its because he doesnt give you the attention you deserve and you suspect its because hes getting it elsewhere. This will force his hand. If he wants to keep you, he's going to have to do something because it is his fault that you are thinking about having this "affair". Men are dogs and they will do whatever you allow them to get away with. Only you can put a stop to this either by making him comply or, if he wont change, walking out the door. If you ever pick the second option, look me up.
     
  13. loveit247

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    Sweetie, change the locks, pack his bags and put them on the porch. This man is cheating on you for sure. Refuse to take him back or let him see your kids until he confesses. Then, if you want him back, lay down the rules.

    I am thinking of you.
     
  14. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    This is just disrespectful as far as i am concerned. I understand that he needs to be on good terms with his ex to see his kids but this is not on in my opinion, and neither is him letting her abuse you. He should be willing to stick up for you and himself and not let her treat him like this.

    And this other girl saying her child is his. It all sounds a bit fishy to me. It seems from the e-mails you read that he is lying about having had sex with this one and that would make me question what else he has been lying about
     
  15. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    I also wanted to add that you shouldn't start doubting yourself. If he is cheating then this is a reflection on him, not on you.
     
  16. Dreama

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    Oh, honey. Don't let this son of a bitch use you anymore. I know you love him, but he is not respecting you one bit. He's cheating, and lying. If he wasn't, he would've told you up front about the previous relationship without reservation. You guys need a serious talk, and failing that, you need to leave him. You are worth more than that!
     
  17. Sally103

    Sally103 New Member

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    Thank you all for the great advice. I truly appreciate it and I will definitly talk with him to try to work things out for the best for both of us.

    Thank you all so much.
     
  18. SDAVIS

    SDAVIS New Member

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    Good lady, this guy has one too many women in his life, and that one is you! C'mon, kids by two other women and he still has that type of correspondence with them? None of my previous girlfriends would ever even speak to me, let alone show me their nighty. As far as lost interest in sex, he must be the only guy, because me and most guys I know ALWAYS want all they can get unless they are getting it elsewhere, and it that case, have no desire for more at home. You need someone who can focus on YOU, not former lovers, kids that MAY be theirs, etc. Forget the history with him, what you have is what you have TODAY. Talk to him and either get some commitments as far as direction going forward or ditch this dude. There is lots of life left to live beginning the day one of you packs up and gets out. Too many good guys out there looking for a woman to commit to, I assure you of that.