Does this happen to others?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by sexisgood, Jun 17, 2007.

  1. sexisgood

    sexisgood New Member

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    Ok, I dont get this.

    I've gone out with a lot of guys I consider cute or hot and usually they want to do stuff (kiss, have sex) They seem into the date/meet-up (whatever you want to call it.) They come up with ideas and do things which suggest they find me attractive. They call me to their house, they start up the kissing/touching, etc. And as I said, these are the guys I would class as good looking.

    Well, I was tired of that stuff because it seemed to me most of those guys were just about sex. So what did I decide? I decided I would go after the nerds, dorks, the calm guys, and maybe not as good looking.

    Result?

    They seemed uncomfortable. They seemed like they met a ghost. They made excuses that they had work or that they had to do something so our meet-up was cut short. So I'm trying to figure this out. How could these types of guys not like me? I met two of these types of guys recently, the nights went as a I described, and never heard from them again.

    What's the deal here?
     
  2. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    Here's the deal:

    There are more than two types of guys -- there's a third type. You are overlooking the type that I was: an outgoing guy that wasn't a nerd but was not in the partying class of folks.

    I used to call it the 'middle class' in High School and College, because though I had friends that were nerds and friends that were in fraternities and such.... I was always the guy in the middle -- and there was a circle of friends of mine that were like this.

    1. We liked some of the things that were considered geeky or nerdy
    2. We felt bad for the geeks and nerds
    3. We were good guys -- so we didn't like flaunting the rules/laws. Skipping, drinking, etc etc. So we really didn't fit in with those guys either, even though we weren't social outcasts and got along good with these folks.

    So you need to find one of those 'nice guys' that weren't socially retarded, but just chose to be good rather than get into trouble.
     
  3. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Also sometimes guys ( nerds geeks as you call them) can sometimes tell if a female actualy wants them or is using them as a type of ghinipig) not meaning your doing that....also ( and im not getting at you here) just because a female is beautiful doesnt mean every guy will want you, even dorks geeks and nerds have ideals of females they would idealy wish to be with.

    But flip the coin, a beautiful female goes up to a guy most females would stay clear of because they arnt the good looking captain of the football tean sort...those guys may feel very intimidated by your looks and wonder just why your going for them..

    Humans are very complex creatures, it isnt always straight forword.
    even guys are complex at times :)
     
  4. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Right on the head Kronnie.
    And may I add that the Geeks and Nerds like sex also but can be inteminitated
    by a good looking girl as Kronnie said. So take your time and let them get used to you
    and just mabey you will find a real love.

    Hiker
     
  5. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    (( off topic , wow great t osee your back again BH )) been a while ...hows everything going..
    Its not often you agree with me hehehe, but thats cool. grea to have you amunst us again. Hiker
     
  6. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    Yeah i fit into that class as well.

    Im totally into nerdy things such as Computers, Games and such. But i also am or what somewhat a jock in school. Im a pretty nice guy (for the most part) i have the mean streak and can tend to be a total asshole at times though as well.

    I dont care to party big or anything. And dont really like to drink only for the simple fact that if i dont like the TASTE then im too picky to keep drinking it and i dont like the taste of most alcohol. Im not a social outcast though since i dont care to party much sometimes i get seen as that.

    And i know i sure as hell get overlooked becuz im not out there to be seen really. And even when i am i am just naturally laid back and calm not riled up real easy. Though i have been in many fights lol. I dont walk around like im a bad ass or try to draw attention to myself. Which is usually seen as a lack of confidence which also turns girls off.

    Anywho i consider myself quite the "catch" but women dont seem to notice me a whole lot. As that though many find me physically attractive it seems. :ugh ...???
     
  7. sexisgood

    sexisgood New Member

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    First guy:

    I went to his house to watch a movie, we played board game beforehand if you can believe (not something I would usually do) And the funny part is, he was actually trying to win and he was all serious about it. And he just played, no joking around, etc..just seemed to be too into what he was doing. Then we watched the movie..he seemed in an ok mood but again, not a lot of eye contact with me or communication. After that he was pretending he was really tired. There was no real convo going on there. To me he didn't seem interested even though online we flirted a lot.

    I came home that day and realize he was not interested for some reason..he didn't message me for one day, i got him off my msn list.

    Second guy:

    We meet up. I said if he wanted to walk down to the area with loads of bars/restaurants..he said "sure that would be great". We walk, little chit chat..but basically lots of quiet tension. I was dressed up, he was in shorts. He said twice "sorry" to me because he was boring and didn't have much to talk about. I said it was fine. We walked for 20mins, and he started talking about being tired, and it was then he said that he would probably be called into work early tomorrow so he should go. He said again that he was real tired and that it would be nice to meet up when he was not.

    One day later he deleted me off his msn list.
     
  8. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    lol i have sometimes been like guy number 2. Depending on the person i have a REALLY hard time coming up with anything to talk about. Most of the stuff i do is silly or playful joking. But if i feel uncomfortable then i have the issue of awkward silence. Its usually not the girls fault. Although sometimes i believe it is.
     
  9. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    I'm probably basically going to repeat what Kronnie said, but perhaps a little bit more bluntly.

    First, why should "those types" of guys be more attracted to you? Because they're "geeky" and wouldn't NORMALLY be able to get someone like you? Correct me if that's not what you are getting at, please, because that sounds - i'm being honest here - really arrogant.

    Men, no matter if they're "hot" or "geeky", aren't stupid. I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that these 'dorks' probably sensed your condesencion and thought "Pfft, to hell with her."

    Perhaps, instead of going after a certain type of man, whether geeky or not, you should look for someone who will treat you right. Drop the classist ideas.

    That's just my two cents, sorry if it sounded blunt.
     
  10. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Well it does seem that bot hguys were intimidated more than anything by you in some way or other....some guys need time to open up fully, kind of like a flower.....

    sometimes it takes people more than one date or one day to open up...if people dont take the time and patience how will they ever know .....in life there are confident people , and those that arnt..

    if you take the time and roll into things easy withthe quite guys in the end they could suprise you ...

    (9 sounds a lot like both of those guys were not used to female company in real life..
     
  11. sexisgood

    sexisgood New Member

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    I didn't say that in the best way but wanted to get the point across of what I meant. Let me try that again.

    My point was, this time, looks, even interests and general outlook was not the key in determining which guy I went out with. Instead, I would go out with him if he seemed to want the same things as me and seemed nice enough.

    Now in terms of picking up on my arrogance. Honestly, I try to act confident, and in public sphere maybe I even look it. I dress that way as well. However, I am as nice as can be. After the second guy said that he thought he was boring, in a very nice way I said "naaaaaw..its totally fine"..nice sweet voice..I laughed nicley to things he said. I tried to do everything in my power to make him feel comfortable.

    Now that I think about it though I was kind of condensending to the first guy. Now he was totally quiet so it left me to get kind annoyed. He barley ever started coversation or asked m e a question. I dont think he asked one question except early on when he asked what drink I wanted. So what ended up happening is that I would say things like "so you dont do this?" and then "so you dont do this either?"..so he just kind of looked embarassed. But the point was, I had to create the whole convo, he just didn't seem interested. Could he not talk more about the subjects I bring forth? If he doesn't do it, why not give me a whole view on why not and talk about the type of person he is. Instead, he just said no and that was that basically.

    But from my convos, these guys seemed totally nice.

    As I said, I was tired of guys always putting on the moves and wanting sex first meeting, so this is why I met these guys. I wanted to get to know them, learn about them, but they seemed to not be interested in that.
     
  12. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Your confidence is your downfall...these guys were not confident you are used to guys being up front and able to carry a convo wit hyou with ease, these guys are not that type they need time to open up..
     
  13. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    sorry to tell you...but guys can tell how fake it is..and it actually does make it worse...you gotta be the instigator in the conversation instead...even if you make a joke about it or something just get something going. Dont leave everything to him. help the poor guy out.
     
  14. niceolderguy2k6

    niceolderguy2k6 New Member

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    Even in today's time, I still think there are guys out there who are good looking but who want to get to know you as a person first before trying to go to bed with you. I would suggest keep trying until you find someone who doesn't want you as a sex object only. They still do exist and are worth the hunt.
     
  15. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    I am somewhat a geek myself, IT Analyst. Being a bit of a geek myself and work with a few I can try to provide a bit of perspective for you. Those in jobs that require a lot of intellect tend (not always) to be introverted, socially akward, and tend to hang around with those that share similar interests. Reason being I believe is that they like to understand how things interrelate, their jobs require them to work alone a lot of time, and interaction with other is less.

    Geeks and nerds as you call them tend to be very much in tune with how people act. I am not saying this is the case but I suspect a part of the issue is that your interest in them make not be genuine due to the fact you have been burnt. If you are interested in a geek / nerd type of guy the main things I can recommend are as follows:

    • be genuine
    • have an interest in world events
    • don't play stupid
    • have interests in how things relate
    • develop knowledge about a subject (e.g. computers, an event in history, government, a country) anything that shows you have an interest outside of your job
    • learn about their interest
    • be well read
    • read literature

      This means being able to discuss a variety of subjects at different levels and finding ways to relate to them. For me, the biggest turn offs while I was dating were woman who played dumb, did not have an interest beyond the celebrity gossip page, and only cared about what happened on their favorite soaps.

      I hope this gives you a bit of insight.







     
  16. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    york howd you do those bold little filled in circles ?
    sorry that was off topic :)...
     
  17. Barbwire

    Gold Member

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    Kronnie, if you quote his post and look at the code, you will see the secret. ;)
     
  18. igor

    Gold Member

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    Someone said that maybe a guy might feel intimidated by an attractive gal. This happened to me. I never considered myself a good looking guy and never had many dates thru high school.
    When I went to college I was fixed up with a blind date with the most amazing attractive, sexy girl I had ever seen. And she was really into me. I couldn't imagine why a super-model type like her would want to be with me. I did get over my shyness, and we went together for a little over a year. Then all of a sudden she wanted nothing to do with me. I am guessing that when she was home on xmas break her old high school boyfriend got her pregnant. She and I had never had sex.
     
  19. Barbwire

    Gold Member

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    Igor, DUDE! Ok, let me get this straight, you went out with a gorgeous girl for a YEAR and didn't get any? Now, you are married to a woman and you still are not getting any? Something is very wrong with this picture.

    Sorry to go off topic, but I'm really dumbfounded here.
     
  20. Bluesy

    Gold Member

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    Fascinating theory about a correlation between looks and superficiality, but it ain't flyin'. There are hot, studly guys who want more than just sex and are perfect gentlemen (and, yes, I know this from personal experience as well as observation and, well, logical deduction), and there are unattractive guys who are pervy horndogs ready to get it on at the drop of a hat. Looks don't mean a thing, hon. If you're only attracting pervy horndogs, there's a reason why that is...a little honest introspection would be far more productive.