Does it bother you if they're already taken?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by aussiebloke, Sep 9, 2007.

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  1. aussiebloke

    aussiebloke New Member

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    Lets say you've met someone. They're great, you're really attracted to them and would love to give it a go. You think they're attracted to you too. But they are already in a long term relationship...

    What do you do?

    I ask because I think maybe there's something missing from my conscience. I mean I am by no means a selfish person... in fact I'd like to think I was generally a nice, respectful guy with a good set of morals. But when it comes to girls that I like that are already in relationships I just feel nothing. Which is odd, because after my last relationship broke up and I experienced what it's like to go through a breakup with someone who means a lot to you, I thought I would have a new respect for others' relationships. But it's just not there.

    So my question is this: in a situation like what I described above, do you back off and respect what the couple has together or do you go in for the kill anyway?
     
  2. Hot Wheels

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  3. Melissa29

    Melissa29 New Member

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    Um... you definitely respect whats going on... duh?

    Seriously... think of it the other way; you have a wonderful relationship with your SO and some idiot comes along thinking that they are better for him/her than you are... wtf?

    No... relationships are commitments... thats the point of being in a relationship; otherwise we would all just be uncommitted blobs wandering around aimlessly screwing whatever came within 10 feet of us...
     
  4. Dreama

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    Well, I know that I wouldn't appreciate anyone trying to get with my fiance while we were together, and I wouldn't like someone trying to get with me. So, anyone in long term relationships are off limits, without a doubt to me. It's that simple
     
  5. cook74

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    I'm not saying that taking away another man's wife or girlfriend is cool, but, doesn't it take two to tango?

    If the woman is capable of leaving her SO then there is no reason that an opportunistic male can't sweep her off her feet. I guess...:shrug

    Personally, I have always stayed away from women in relationships.
     
  6. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    What to do? Think, "Dang, somebody already has her. Lucky guy." - and find an available woman.
     
  7. clamUp

    clamUp Active Member

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    I'm going to reply from my dad's perspective, just to add some contrast.

    In the 40s and 50s, (the highlight of morality, in his opinion -- whole other argument there) relationships were almost never a commitment of any type. People in relationships were free to date whomever they wanted, and often did. One of the big differences back then (as it was explained to me -- I was born in the 60s) was that sex was rarely a part of most relationships. So while it may have been a heartbreak that your girl or guy was out with someone else, it wasn't the shock that it would be today because there was no sex involved, or so it was assumed, and no commitment to infringe upon. The only real commitment was marriage. If things were still like this today, your question would be a whole lot easier to answer. It wouldn't be as big deal without a ring.

    Nowadays, sex is a part of most long-term relationships, so when your partner is out with someone else, there's both heartbreak and a painful shock because you're pretty sure there's more going on than an evening at the the corner drug store for ice cream. You have to be aware that getting involved with someone already in a long-term relationship is very likely going to really hurt somebody else.

    The best thing to do is consider other people's feelings and act accordingly. Personally, I know how my partner feels about being run around on behind her back, and it's out of respect for her feelings that I'd never consider fooling around.
     
  8. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    I'd walk away. One of the few regrets I have is screwing around with a friends wife. I'd give a lot to change that if I could.
     
  9. Maddox

    Maddox New Member

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    I wouldn't "go in for the kill" but I'd let her know how I feel and leave it up to her if she wants to pursue a relationship with me instead of the other guy. I'd find no regrets about her leaving him if she liked me more...
     
  10. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    #1. You have never felt that pain.

    #2. You have never lived with the pain of causing such pain. (And don't want to.):)
     
  11. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    As a younger man i have been with married women before.
    I dont think i would wish to do that again, not unles they had already become single or seperated.
     
  12. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Well...


    ...here's the deal; you're young and you ain't gonna learn anything unless you ask, right?

    If you 'go in for the kill' what have you done if you succeed? Gotten laid? Get her to be your girl? Maybe have kids, get married?

    What you've done is identified a woman who is not faithful or honest to the man she is with. As other people's relationships are meaningless to you, she is perfect for you and, frankly, the guy she left owes you at least a beer for saving him from another day with her.

    Now, you'll either grow out of this and consider the meaning of the word 'integrity' both that of the girl you picked up by merely asking and your own in how you view the world around you in terms of right and wrong. Or, you won't grow out of it and you'll live a life where you won't and can't ever trust anyone around you because you won't trust them either.

    Now, another way to look at this is if she truly feels something for you too, you both know. So, it's up to her what happens next as she is the one who has a commitment to deal with. She can take care of business with that person and move on and do it right and be someone you know is honest.

    So, think about it. Act accordingly.
     
  13. deckard_cain

    deckard_cain New Member

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    Do unto others...

    I don't want anyone trying to mess my relationship up, and never would. So I am not about to go raising hell in theirs.
     
  14. Bluesy

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    Would you really want a woman who could be so easily pried away from her bf? If she's that fickle, she'll have her head turned by some other fella someday and leave your ass in the dirt. And if she cheats on her bf with you, that doesn't speak very highly of her moral fiber, does it? What do you think she'll do when she gets bored with you and Handsome, Exciting New Guy hits on her?

    I do think there are exceptions...Very rarely a person settles into a mediocre relationship and then one day crosses paths with their "soul mate". In this instance, the only decent thing to do is end her relationship before getting involved with Mr. Right. He wouldn't have to steal her away because they would just know they belong together.
     
  15. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Edit...

    Edit button wouldn't work.
     
  16. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    I agree with these. If a girl can cheat on her boyfriend with you there is a high possibility she will cheat on you with someone else eventually, and that isn't the kind of relationship i would want.
    In my opinion the most you should ever do with someone you like who is in a relationship is let them know how you feel so they can make a decision on what they want.
     
  17. cook74

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    Surely some women are in an unhappy relationship and would just be looking for the right/or better guy to come along. Lets not just imagine the man is being predatory and the woman is being sneaky.

    Sometimes a woman can befriend a man and realize that he would be better for her than her current partner. The new partner that she gets is not necessarily someone that has betrayed his friend and the woman might have been well within her rights to leave her previous partner so there is no chance that she will run off on this one with the next handsome guy.

    There are so many different dynamics (forces that produce change) in each relationship, only two people can judge whether their particular circumstances can excuse them or not.(Maybe three people)

    (BTW, I am not condoning cheating, I am just saying that sometimes there might be a good reason for it)
     
  18. Joe

    Joe
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    Since I've had a couple affairs with married women, I'll add my 2 cents worth. Some "relationships" are bad but are also, for one reason or another, difficult to end. Both women who I was with had high school aged daughters. They didn't want to divorce their husbands until their daughters were finished with high school, yet their marriages were in turmoil. They both were unhappy and horny.

    The affair with the first woman was for sex only. To put it bluntly, we were fuck-buddies. We met every month or two at a hotel and had crazy sex for a day or two, then went back to our normal routines. We were friends with privileges and agreed before starting that when one of us decided it was time to quit the foolishness it would end. Period. After a year or two I ended it because I formed a "real" relationship with another woman. (I had several different sexual relationships with various women during this time and made no attempt to keep any a secret from her.)

    The second married woman (during the same time period) really wanted a long-term monogamous relationship. She was going nuts with her uncaring husband but wanted to keep "the family unit" together for her daughter's sake. We only got together a few times, but there was much more involved than just sex. We had strong feelings for each other. Her home situation finally got to be more than she could handle and she left her husband, then phoned and asked if she'd be welcome to move in with me. That was 8 years ago, and we've now been happily married for 5 years.

    I don't have any regrets about being with either of these women, and I certainly don't feel like I harmed any happy marriages. The first woman and I remained friends for some time after we quit meeting; the second woman and I are busy "living happily ever after." I trust her completely, and I'm sure she feels the same about me.

    I think you need to consider what you're doing and what the long-term effect might be, but people in loving relationships don't usually wander. Ask the woman you're attracted to what kind of relationship she's in. If it's good, just say you're happy to hear that and let it go. If it's bad, make your move. She's the one who needs to decide if her current relationship is working or not. I would NOT take advantage of her during a weak moment, but if she's available, let her know your feelings.
     
  19. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    We don't have to imagine...

    ...he said, his own words, 'move in for the kill'. And he said it in such way and context that she was already giving him the eye and, to him, it was simply a matter of him making a move.

    Now, it doesn't get an more predatory than that, does it? Also, she is, by what we're told, in a relationship or he wouldn't need to be doing any 'moving in', right?

    Plus, you're saying she may simply be waiting for the right/better guy to come along. So, by definition, she is with the wrong/worse guy now, yes? What's so tough about moving on first?

    People cheat. I understand that. Many, many people could care less; 'it's the done thing', people stay where they are until something better comes along. I'm just saying to a young man, as an older one, the path of least resistance isn't always the best or right one.
     
  20. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Lol...

    ...OK. :lol

    The old not condoning condoning, eh? :D
     
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