[Ask a Guy] does he "love" me

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by paragon, Feb 12, 2009.

  1. paragon

    paragon New Member

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    hi there, I met this real caring, reliable, guy 7 months ago. (He is 50 I am 49). He is the first male I have ever met, who does call as promised - at all times, lets me know what he is doing, where he is going. He wants to see me a lot, he prepares meals for me, he repairs my car, when he does grocery shopping he would call me beforehand or from the store to ask whether I wanted something special. He is trying to please me under all circumstances, emotionally, intellecutally, mentally, sexually. He really lets me participate in his life, we spend a lot of time together, outdoors, indoors, having fun or working (we both can work at home a lot). We do not live together, but spend nights and weekends time permitting either at his place or mine. We went on wonderful Christmas holidays, and so on.... Everything just seems to be perfect.
    But: He never tells me that he likes me, loves me. Sometimes he would say: What I like with you is ....... Or: my life is so much nicer since I have met you .... And then there is the fact that he has to leave for Dubai in May due to a work assignment for 6 months. We boths avoid talking about it.
    Now for my question: Would you guys stay with a girl just for the hell of it? Even if you did not love her? Spending all your leisure time with her? Could it be lonliness, friendship, desperation (he has not been in a steady relationship for the last 3 years)? I do not dare asking him. I do not want to get hurt, I do not want to push him either. Any ideas, experiences?? Thanks a million. Paragon :)
     
  2. missyhuggins

    missyhuggins New Member

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    Paragon,

    I think it's a very good indication with his actions that he does like you and I don't think you should be scared of asking him at all.
    Actions definitely speak louder than words and sometimes men aren't fabulous with the words. ;)

    I know this is different because it's my dad but he's like this with all the people he loves/cares about. I've only ever heard my dad say I love you once to my mother and twice to me. But I know that he loves us dearly. He fixes our cars, buys our favourite icecreams and makes sure we're alright in the material or physical sense. That is his way of saying he loves us, you know?

    Ask him, don't not dare. If you need to know or would like to hear it instead of be shown it, ask him.
    He sounds lovely. :)
     
  3. cbrmale

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    I think a lot of men are like this, but once a man gets into the habit of saying 'I love you' it comes easier. Men are typically less communicative, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, often believing that actions are louder than words. I think his actions towards you are saying a lot.
     
  4. evman

    evman New Member

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    Well it sounds like he does to me but it's only been 7 months so don't rush it. It sounds like there could be some past hurt in his life and maybe that's why he's hesitant to actually say it though he appears to show it. Give him a little more time and talk to him about it.

    You didn't say whether or not you have told him you love him or if you actually do love him. If you love him let him know but don't push him. He'll tell you when he's ready. He could just be the type that just doesn't say those three words. Maybe they weren't spoken much in his house when he was growing up. You both grew up in a time when a lot of dads that it was unmanly for their boys to cry and rarely if at all told their sons that they loved them. My dad didn't say it much but he sure did show it. It's only know that he is in his late 70's that he has started telling me. I have never doubted it as I grew up or when I was grown but it is nice to hear it. You man could just be a victim of his upbringing.
     
  5. paragon

    paragon New Member

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    :)dear missyhuggins, cbrmale, evman,
    thanks a lot for your interest in my issue and sharing your thoughts, experiences and feelings with me. I think you do certainly have a point by assuming that he is just not used to expressing feelings too much. As far as I know his father was and still is very stern and not very caring, never praising or even saying “thank you” too often.
    This morning he totally surprised me with flowers, which I have not expected in the least, although it is Valentine’s day. But actually he is not into giving presents on such a consumption-based day.
    It really warmed my heart to the max and it made me feel soooo incredibly happy, I just cannot tell you – and it was not for the flowers, but for the gesture, plus he told me, that he got them for me because he thought I might like them and listen up: “because I like you”. This is by far the best Valentine’s day/present I have ever had. Hope you all can enjoy yours the same way.
    I still do not know yet how I will survive his being in Dubai for 6 month in May. Any ideas?? Ever had such an experience??
    thanks again an awful lot.
    paragon :):)
     
  6. evman

    evman New Member

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    Glad you had a nice Valentines Day. It sounds like you have found yourself a good one. Try not to sweat the "I love you" part. Feed off of the feelings and not the words. My guess is in time it will come.

    As far as being apart, I can't really help you there. I imagine there will be a lot of email writing. My guess is that there will be a nice homecoming.

    Good luck.
     
  7. paragon

    paragon New Member

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    thanks a lot for your thoughts. you are so right. the feelings we share are very unique and I do not want to spoil them.
    fortunately there are still a couple of months to go .....
    and I do know that I will survive; just have an unpleasant feeling at the moment but thanks to IM and emails I should be alright. thanks again
    take care
    paragon
     
  8. lbushwalker

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    Hi Paragon,
    Yep, I agree with all the replies so far.
    Your guy is a lot like many of us who tend to show their feelings by demonstrating via action rather than words. Unfortunately that is the way we men tend to wired whilst many women want to have it verbalised because to them it means more.
    One way to look at it if you will indulge us; words can be lies; action shows the reality.
    Or yet another way; "action speaks louder than words".
    Anyway it seems he is getting ever closer to speaking to him those three most feared words; I love you which imply "commitment". That last word is even scarier!
     
  9. paragon

    paragon New Member

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    hi bushwalker,
    thanks for giving me another insight into the "male world". As you said, "words can be lies", and to be honest, who wants to be lied to? At the moment I just enjoy his being different and the feeling which arises, whenever he surprises me with something -said or done-, I have not expected in the least.
    enjoy your day and take care
    paragon :)