Does he have a problem with sex?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by shorty, May 10, 2006.

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  1. shorty

    shorty New Member

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    Ok my b/f is 25 so he should be horny all the time and want to have lots of sex, right? Well I wish!! He never seems to want to have sex anymore and I just dont get it. Is that normal? He says he goes through phases, after being with a girl for awhile, where he doesn't want to have sex with them and he doesn't know why. He says he still loves me but just hasn't been in the mood. Well how can I change this and what should I do? Should I take that as his way of saying he isn't in to me anymore, should I just give it time or try something different?
     
  2. Joe

    Joe
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    It's normal that when we're in a new relationship we want sex more often, but if he "never seems to want to have sex anymore" there's something wrong. Do you just ask, expect him to initiate every time, or actively initiate and are turned down? Some women expect men to be constantly horny, and that's expecting a little too much in an established relationship. Don't be timid.

    If you're actively initiating sex and getting nowhere, he may just be one of those guys with a very low libido. If his is low and yours is high, it would be smart to break it off. If he doesn't want sex at 25, he's not likely to want it as he grows older either.

    If you love this guy you should "try something different" before you give up, but I don't know what you're trying now.
     
  3. gurlcat

    gurlcat New Member

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    shorty, i went through the same exact hell when i was about your age. i was with a man who, at first, was an AWESOME lover, but that literally lasted only the first couple weeks. after that the sex got rarer and rarer until it was happening only only once every 6 months or something! looking back i realize i shouldn't have put myself through that misery (it was more a feeling of rejection than not getting my wee-wee satisfied). i constantly asked him why. was he not attracted to my body? was he gay? was he depressed. the only answer i got was that, just like your man, he said that this always happened with girlfriends--that after the initial "thrill of the chase" he would lose interest in sex with her. sometimes he would be game for masturbating together, but he said his foreskin hurt during intercourse. but that doesn't explain why he wouldn't perform or receive oral sex, or even make out. he just didn't want it.

    looking back i believe that my despair made him even more turned-off. sometimes i literally begged just for a kiss. other times i tried the stand-off approach, where i would NOT ask him for sex and hope that he'd ask on his own, i'd go for months without trying but he never brought it up, he probably was relieved that i was not trying. for the most part we lived like best friends who merely slept in the same bed. and that's the thing, we really were best friends, we did everything together and i believe he really loved me. but the lust was absent. and it slowly eroded my heart.

    we lived together for 3 years, had sex probably fewer than 20 times total, and let me tell you it took a toll on my self esteem. i didn't realize til after the relationship ended that i had become depressed.

    DON'T let this happen to you! i don't know just how rare sex has become with you and your man, but i can just about guarantee it isn't going to get better. the more he feels pressured, the more he'll resist. he is probably just one of those rare guys who has low testosterone or something. please feel free to private message me if you want to talk more. i believe you should decide to only be friends with this feller and look elsewhere for love.
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I tend to agree. There seems to be something amiss in the relationship.

    You know, internet message boards are known for their particpants being disgustingly candid with each other. LOL I suppose we're no different here, except that along with being disgustingly candid, most try to temper it with sensitivity and encouragement. Dry relationships usually are caused by both parties - and over a period of time. Not knowing the other side of the story, here is what I think.

    You are young, have a healthy sexuality. . Its almost an animal instinct within, to tug and fight to keep something going, even when it's already sputtered out. I fear you may be wasting your words and passion on someone who simply is not in the same playing field as you.

    Alot of fears come in to play when one feels the relationship may be over. If you are financially dependent on him, thats a big obstacle to overcome. But there are 'stepping stone' organizations to help you become independent and able to make your own lifetime decisions. - - - - - - - If he is living off you, then the "enabler" syndrome has set in. Many women possess this trait. We (as women) tend feel that if we can do this/or/that to/or/for the other person, that some magical light will turn on in his head... and normal life will set in. Ta-Da ! !
    But it never happens - then we feel like its OUR fault.

    Before its too late, you need to have other circles of friends, as "sharing" common friends later is hard to do. The more dominant person usually wins the friends. Before your self esteem is crushed, try making other social 'touch-points', so that you can possibly move on, if that time should arise.

    Good luck, and in this case, I hope I am way off base.
    :rose
     
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