Does he actually love me?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Welshhunniexx, Jan 25, 2011.

  1. Welshhunniexx

    Welshhunniexx New Member

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    After reading what my husband (spidersnake) has written on another post, and me not finding this fact out until reading it on here, my head is all over the place.
    i really dont know if he loves me. he hardly ever talks to me unless i bug him so much he gives in, he prefers to be watching a movie or playing on his phone. the only physical contact i really have with him is in bed, he'l be sat on the chair and me on the sofa. and lately he doesn't seem to want to cuddle me in bed and is finding it harder and harder to become hard and to cum during sex.
    god i know im not that pretty and im real lucky to be with this guy, but everything seems to be pointing to him not loving me anymore. my heads just so fucked up. i asked him why he didn't tell me and that i had to read it to find out and his answer was, i didn't want to hurt you. i cant cope
     
  2. Mittimer

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    Actually strike that. Just read where the post was made.

    While it may be a bit off of him not to talk to you about these things first, it in no way implies that he doesn't love you.


    Try to relax and talk to him about it. None of us here can tell you how he feels.
     
    #2 Mittimer, Jan 25, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2011
  3. Welshhunniexx

    Welshhunniexx New Member

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    about himself maybe being bi. i knew he had sexual relations with a man in the past but had no idea he wanted to do it again or even had any thoughts that he may be bi. hes always said 'my arse is an exit, not an entrance'. also, he made a comment about he would go with a she-male when hes always told me that there is no way he'd go anywhere near them.
    im always finding things out by reading them as he wont actually tell me. the same as when a so called friend tried it on with him. i found out by reading it on another site.
     
  4. AGFUNK

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    Perhaps he just doesn't know how to bring these types of thinks up to you. Just because he writes about it on here doesn't mean that he doesn't love and care about you. My husband has some issues with talking about things and he says that when he writes it out that he can explain better and really get his feelings out. He usually texts me when he can't say it right out loud. Your husband chose to write on here where it would be accessible to you to read and also get others opinions. In my opinion I think that he just didn't know how to tell you out loud. You should just ask him. If he has a problem with talking out loud to you my suggestion is bring some paper sit down across from each other and write down what you both want to say. It might help.
     
  5. nurseharley

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    right. maybe his way of telling you was through the forums, since you can obviously read whatever he posts.

    i don't think it's a question of whether he loves you or not, maybe he's worried about what you'll think of him. either way, you should go ask him these things instead of making another thread about it for him to read then he'll make a thread about you not really loving him. vicious circle
     
  6. Welshhunniexx

    Welshhunniexx New Member

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    Thanks guys. i do try and talk to him but he'l either just clam up and try and change the subject or say 'oh dont start now, i dont want to talk bout it'.
    we have just had a heart to heart (inbetween our lil gal shouting at us for cuddling lol) and i hope we can both understand each other and try and do what we have both agreed to. i didn't intentionally do a post just for him to read it as he said he hardly comes on here now. i just really needed to vent and clear my head and this site was the one i was on at the time.
    a huge thank you to you people for taking your time to read and reply.
     
  7. EscortBunny69

    EscortBunny69 New Member

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    Communication is the key but if you have to question his love then maybe you need to start from the begininng.....

    Try going out on dates like romantic dinners, cinema, evening away.....:)
     
  8. Welshhunniexx

    Welshhunniexx New Member

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    Haha that never happend in the 1st place lol and would be even more difficult now we have our darling little girl and no money. i'v had alot of crap from my ex husband in the past (wont go into it here) but its obvs made me very insecure and makes me think no man could ever love me.
     
  9. backcheck64

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    You might not press too hard right now, it sounds like he's struggling with his sexuality a bit. He seems to be a bit confused as to his preference at the momment. I doesn't sound like it's your fault at all, he hasn't been completely honest with you. He needs to come to terms with his feelings before he can (or maybe can't) recommit to you. Too much pressure could push him away. Just make sure the lines of communication are open on your end.
     
  10. Welshhunniexx

    Welshhunniexx New Member

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    Thank you hun. i'v always said to him that i'm here for him to talk to about anything he needs to talk about. i'v always been the kind of girl that people can come talk to and i try my hardest never to judge. hes my bloody world and i just want him to be happy whatever he decides.
     
  11. BlueLizard

    BlueLizard New Member

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    If it never happened in the first place...maybe now is a good time to start. Having no money is not a reason. Cook a special dinner for the two of you...wear his favorite sexy lingerie. Being constantly broke myself, I understand things can seem difficult at times...but there is a way around everything! And use the time together to talk. It doesnt have to be everything on your mind all at one time...one step at a time...and the first one is always the hardest...
     
  12. Alwayslearningsex

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    Some serious talk is needed but don't push TOO hard, let him know you are having a hard time but don't be blaming or accusing, tell him you hope to have good communication and work on things. Go from there.
     
  13. FlirtyChick

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    Only he can answer as to if he loves you or not, hun. There has to be a talk, period.
     
  14. backcheck64

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    I hope it goes your way, but be prepared for the worse. One of the fathers of a child I coached years ago just up and switched teams. Hope for your sake it's just curiosity and he wakes up and realizes he has someone that loves him.
     
  15. JohnBentley

    JohnBentley New Member

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    It may be difficult for him to talk to you about these things, as compared to when he's by himself with a keyboard. I hope it works out for you.
     
  16. andretti

    andretti New Member

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    As for the dates, I wanted to concur with what others said - you don't need a full bank account to do something romantic. Find a local park, hold hands, take a stroll, and share a Kit Kat bar or something.

    As for the bi fantasies and his other posts, I can see why he'd bring some of those things up in a forum, as opposed to talking about it with you. Some things are easier to get off your chest in writing, under a cloak of anonymity, as opposed to looking someone in the eye, and telling them your deepest, darkest thoughts. Maybe you could become his penpal, and have him share some of those things with you, personally, through email? Some erotic correspondence might help both of you.

    I know this is easier said then done, but you need to realize a lot of men would love you, despite any flaws you see in yourself. One of the most alluring things about a woman is self-confidence, so your insecurity only adds to a vicious cycle. Try to abandoned those insecurities, and gain some confidence in yourself and your sexuality.
     
  17. EscortBunny69

    EscortBunny69 New Member

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    Myself and Mr bunny have a lil bunny but we try and set aside some time for us.

    Romantic meal could just be something quick and easy, something you both like with a bottle of wine.

    We don't have money to waste but some money spent on some nice wine and a chat on the sofa is a lot better than pub prices and nosiy people :)
     
  18. SpiderSnake

    SpiderSnake New Member

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    I love my missus more than 100%, im just going through a bit of a 'head fuck' at the moment. She always wants to talk last thing at night when i'm so tired I cant even see in a straight line let alone think in 1 lol.
    I admire people into psychology. I dont know what goes on in my own head & that scares me, I would hate to know what goes on in other peoples heads.
    Also, im bound to be a little screwed up at the moment. Its the first time i've set up a home with a partner (all my ex's already had their own places decorated & set up the way THEY wanted - no room left for my ideas), first time i've been involved in raising my child, first time i've had my own pets, etc. I've got so much on my mind. Its so many firsts that i'm trying to keep up with.
    I've moved away from my friends & family to a country where things work a bit differently, I can hardly understant the locals accent & that makes it harder to make friends & we hardly spend any time apart. If we're constantly joined at the hip & live in each others pocket, we both experience the same things so as we were both there at the same time, what do we have to talk about? We know exactly what happened in each others day - we were both there.
    Add to that i'm nearly 36, have any men on here heard of the mid life crisis?
    Things are just happening a bit to fast for me at the moment & I feel like im going insane, Welshhunniexx, our snakes, tarantulas, dragons, scorpions, rats & cats are the only constant in my life - our baby is constantly changing.
    Im living in a whirlwind, my head is slowly imploding & my body is shriveling up. The only thing I know for certain is I love you Welshhunniexx aka my True Goddess. Planet Marble x5 xxx xxx
     
  19. cbrmale

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    I will clarify one thing here and that's people who have studied psychology cannot see into other people's heads. Typically, a clinical psychologist will ask a lot of questions, and by doing so will encourage the client to understand and acknowledge where they are, and understand where and why they want to be somewhere else.

    Typically, men don't have mid-life crisis at 36, it used to be 40 and it's about having reached your peak in many ways and facing a slow decline. If such a thing's going to happen, it's probably in a mans fifties.

    The one constant with one's child is change and growth, and my experience was that change and growth was a good thing. A three year old is more interesting than a baby, a six year old even more so, a teenager more interesting again, and your own adult offspring are something else entirely.

    Maybe being tied down to a place, a partner and a child is different to what you've experienced before. Possibly a change of scenery for a moment would a good thing, as this may enable you to focus on what's happening. A holiday, low budget version, for a week or more would probably help.
     
  20. loveit247

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    You can have a crisis at any age.