[Ask a Guy] Does having children change relationships

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by pbs, Jan 2, 2012.

  1. pbs

    pbs
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    Of those responding, so far it's about 50/50 of guys who want vs. guys who don't want kids, and about 2 to 1 in favor of women who want vs. don't want them.

    Question: How many guys have had their relationships with their spouses impacted by having children, and in what way(s)?
     
    #1 pbs, Jan 2, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2012
  2. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

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    My relationship with R involved me learning to deal with 3 kids from her previous marriage. As I have no kids of my own, it has been quite a journey! That it impacted our relationship is an understatement, to say the least. There has been some pretty serious issues involved, like drug use, teen pregnancy, the middle daughter, her husband, then their child, living with us... Some days, I just shook my head and asked "why me?" Other days, I screamed at the top of my lungs and just tried to not jump in my truck and hit the highway... Once in a while, I thanked my lucky stars... :eyes:):D

    Now, as the kids have moved out, the dynamics of our relationship are changing again, for the better, and although there were many other issues over the past ten years, at least I don't feel the need to run quite so often...

    T
     
  3. 33stack

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    I'll say this: If your relationship/marraige is anything but stable, a child will complicate it tremendously, 2 children will be like throwing a grenade in the house.:eek
     
  4. Sith

    Sith New Member

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    It absolutely changes things. All of a sudden, ALL the time and ALL your effort goes into a child - not each other. That speaks for itself.
     
  5. lbushwalker

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    Agree with you Seth.
    All Her effort and attention goes to the newborn and by the time there are three if she has not consciously changed her focus then you get relegated to someplace below the family dog.
    Happened to me and it killed our relationship :ugh
     
  6. almostthere

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    First off there is a lack of privacy. Unless you have a huge place. The whole master on the first floor is the way to go. Then if your SO gets so consumed that you are now low on the totem pole,it sux. Lots of women,not all, become moms and forget they still should be a friend and LOVER to their man. Again not all but some. I feel that's why some stray. To find that feeling of being with a sexual partner and not their kids mom.
     
  7. a_high_bitch

    a_high_bitch New Member

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    My parents said it fucked up their lives in general.
     
  8. HardRocker

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    It doesn't have to ruin your relationship. My wife and I have a great 27 year old son and I wouldn't trade anything to change the way it is today. It's a long long haul, where your Primary reason for living is to make sure your child develops into a successful adult. That state of purpose changes from your old relatively self centered priorities to new long term selfless priorities instantly when your baby is born. And it can be a hard shock. Successful couples adapt together.

    If the two of you can stay on the same page about your new reason for living and don't forget to respect and need each other, and you do need each other, then you can slog through together. And lo and behold, one day there is light at the end of the tunnel and you know you'll have each other back one day. What's left of you anyway.:lol
     
  9. backcheck64

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    Kids have brought us closer together.....united front LOL.. Things have gotten a lot busier with kids. The older they get the busier we get. It has cut down the bedroom business a little with all of hte running, but well worth it. And we take a week here and there to get as busy with eachother as we can.

    No regrets with kids.
     
  10. coramfuncpl00

    coramfuncpl00 New Member

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    Well we have had 2 kids and I'm happy to say that our sex life has continued to grow and expand...The privacy issue is a big deal...we sometimes have to wait until 1am and triple check that the kids are sleeping before we can do anything, once a month we get the grandparents to take the kids overnight and we make the most of that.

    But we do know and he especially knows quite a few guys that the minute the kid was born the wife closed shop or only lets the once in awhile quickies through, but even those are rare.

    Also we know quite a few couples when the kids were born, one side or the other just gave up on physical appearance or sexy personality and became all about business. Generally the wife in the cpl but we do know two guys like this...with the women it went from sexy clothes every now and then and getting themselves made up nice and being flirtatious with the hubby on a decent basis, to sweatpants, t-shirt, granny panties, no make up, and complaining, nagging, and never wanting to go out anymore...with the husbands, its gone from helpful, keeping up appearance(weight wise mostly), facial hair grooming, and nice nights out or in - to all about work and paying bills.

    the last paragraph is the biggest detriment we have found on a marriage that we have seen happen one of our long-time family friends is now divorcing because she(who let herself go) caught her husband cheating(we are friends with both) - shes furious about cheating, he did it because she hasn't touched him or let him touch her in over 2 years and their kid is 2 1/2 --her side is that the kid needs the attention and sex is not important anymore and he should be loyal and not just after sex...its a shitty situation and we feel bad.

    We make plenty of family time with the kids and have a lot of fun with them...but also we make a good amount of time for each other and keep our once a month appt for a date night. He keeps himself in decent shape(at least I think so but he wants to lose a good amount of weight and I support him) and clean looking and smelling, she does the same, dresses up for him...so basically we try and remember the things that physically attracted us to each other in the first place and work to keep that up and keep each other interested.

    Positivly our children bring us closer, increased the love in the home, make outings more fun, and made our 1 on 1 quality time more special.
     
    #10 coramfuncpl00, Feb 18, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2012
  11. somhairle

    somhairle Well-Known Member

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    It certainly did for us. My wife gradually became more 'disinterested' after each child. Eventually things became very routine and then as the children became older, we stopped altogether.

    We are trying to do something about that now and still wondering why we allowed it to become as bad as it did. However, it is proving far from straightforward!
     
  12. Black_Magic83

    Black_Magic83 Member

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    I do not want children because they do change the dynamics of the relationship. I see that the men feel neglected because the baby/child takes so much of the mothers attention.
     
  13. lbushwalker

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    Sex lives but humanity dies.................
    I will take the sex every time but then I have intentionally procreated once and accidentally twice :eyes
     
  14. mikeh

    mikeh New Member

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    Children change a relationship and your entire life beyond all comprehension and as a couple you have to adapt quickly.

    I've always said this. The worst thing about my marriage is the children, the best thing?? My children. I wouldn't change them for the world.
     
  15. lbushwalker

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    Have children then but no marriage because the two are not compatible.
    Going to stir the hornets nest with that notion for sure!
     
  16. coramfuncpl00

    coramfuncpl00 New Member

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    male here:

    My wife posted earlier in this thread and I agree with everything she said...I know that many guys in here feel neglected from their wives when the kids show up and I believe that it is wrong to do that.

    I disagree completely with the notion that marriage and kids are not compatable, we have children and a great marriage and a great sex life...

    TOGETHER(key word here) we make time for each other and make time to be parents its a little tough, but its worth it...our children make our marriage complete and our relationship complete...also we enjoy and relish our 1 on 1 time much more these days because of the lack of it that we have in respect to time.

    I am happy to say that neither of us gave up on the other, a marriage or relationship, should not be that way. I do think that many times it is the woman's fault, and as my wife has said to me in the past and still to this day. Keeping me happy is better for the children, for the fact is that a happy husband is a happy and great father.

    I do know men who resent their children because their happy marriage became nothing more then living in a daycare center, and they really don't want anything to do with the kids after that. But it doesn't have to be that way, ladies. Your kids need a lot of attention that is true, but they do not need all of your time and energy, your husband is part of your family also and needs some of your time and attention as well. This will make him a better father and you will have a happier family life.

    So in answer to your question:
    Yes, your relationship does change when the kids come...but in our case it has been completely for the better.
     
    #16 coramfuncpl00, Feb 20, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2012
  17. Alwayslearningsex

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    Having children CHANGE everything you do.
    Sleep is not the same and not all kids are the same.
    It takes longer to go get ready to go out somewhere, how many times we are all done and PFFFFT, undress baby / kid, change diaper and clean up, dress again and out the door, never mind the feeding.
    Changes dynamics at home, expect having to do more one way or another.
    Don't keep the score unless the other partner is clearly not doing their share but look at depression / low level of energy on mom's part as well.
    Beready to play like a kids, sing kids songs, etc, to keep it to the point, BEING A PARENT, BEING INVOLVED.
    Sex may pick up on mom's side sooner or later, not all women are the same. Expect the house to be messier for a while.
    Conclusion, EXPECT life to change if you will have kids, I never saw a household unchanged from having kids. OH! more trips to the doctor, earaches, teething. BE ready if you want to be a parent, and be with the right partner for the long run, not because you have a crush on someone !!! It's a commotment, not just a fuck and life goes on ...
     
  18. 12barblues

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    of course ...life changed...drastically.....but if having kids meant not having ANY sexual contact at all for 4 years.......then so be it. life is a jumbled up mess sometimes , but at the end of the day, I'm a father.....and i couldnt ask for more...theres nothing i wouldnt sacrifice for them, sex included. (and i REALLY like sex...lol)
     
  19. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Ya know.. It's funny, because the relationship changes it's true. But it's not like without kids you are not going to have things that change the relationship. Change is inevitable and if you're avoiding kids just because you want the relationship to not change, then you're going to face the consequences without the rewards.

    Pregnancy will absolutely change a woman, and the way it will change will vary throughout the entire 9 months, but that is temporary. With our first child I got to have confom free sex until the third trimester... With the second, I was on my own and I was a real pest to my wife.

    That aside, I've learned some things about our sex life recently. As I mentioned in my blog I'm 40 now and my performance got to the point that I really wasn't getting erect during intercourse, and I went to see our doctor and he prescribed Cialis...

    Here's the funny thing about it. I've been thinking that all these years together, I've been the same and her sex drive has gradually been decreasing. Now my erections are back to a level they were at 10 years ago and so is my wife's sex drive! Apparently I've changed more than her, and it's physiological. (Well... 11 years ago she was more than I could handle, and she was waking me up at 4 AM because she wanted me and her sex drive isn't THAT strong now, but for the sake of the point close enough)

    Last week, we had a quickie in the bathroom while the kids (5 and 6) were in the next room playing videogames.
     
    #19 MILF_Rider, Feb 21, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2012
  20. fyrguy

    fyrguy New Member

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    No doubt that kids change the relationship. Less personal time less privacy. But all worth it. if you are going to have them have them close together so they all move out around the same time and allows you free time later in life