Does arousal drop in a good relationship

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Godiva, Mar 23, 2011.

  1. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    G'day all.

    I was kissing my boyfriend and NAKED and was about to suggest he put a condom on when i realised he wasn't even hard. This startled me. So i asked if anything was wrong, and he said no. So we kept kissing and I upped the anti, and then he became hard. No biggy. I didn't even think about it.

    The next day i start making suggestive actions, and took a look at the bulge in his pants- and it wasn't there as it would have been a month ago.

    So i contemplated and asked him why.

    Some back story. I've been with him over a year, been having sex with him only 6 months. Previously he would get an erection if i even LOOKED at him, or if he pecked me. This is fully clothed. Even if we started talking about marriage, or moving in, it would arouse him. I've moved in only for the past month.

    Now he said he didn't get aroused because he knows i'm not leaving so the excitement isn't there as it was before. He said this started about 3 months ago but i've only noticed it as of yesterday. I have never had to work so hard to get him hard (pun partially intended).

    I cried. But instead of wallowing i got dressed up in a corset, high heels, fish nets, the works, in a robe. Let him undress me, gave him head, and rode him until he came. Interestingly the last 3 times we've had sex he's said are the best orgasms he ever had, and we didn't even do it ever day. It can't be that he's bored.

    We're only a year in, had sex for only 6 months, and it's already becoming something hard to get started....

    Is this normal in a good relationship????
    I always thought that even after being married to someone 30 years, that a slight suggestive movement, should arouse a man. Is this guys slowly losing sexual interest in me???
     
  2. Dragon_Fire

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    It does sound way too early for him to be losing interest. Is something else going on in his life such as change of job, death or illness in the family, financial woes, etc? I suggest you have a good chat to him to find out what is on his mind. I doubt if it's just simple lack of attraction.
     
  3. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    Me moving in? He just got a new job he is really happy about (same institution but an easier part better for his health).
    He did have some health issues but he's getting better. Generally speaking his life is looking up (apparently) he has been DYING for me to move in and gets reallllllly overly happy every weekend i move back in (spend the weekends at my parents).
    He did set me down and have a chat saying "it doesn't mean i don't love you or i'm not attracted" - he insists its the security that is making it more of a task to get aroused.
     
  4. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    I'll let ya know
    The good signs are that A) he wanted you to move in and B) you say he gets excited when you are gone for a weekend and come back. So both those things say to me that he is still interested.

    Is it possible he is getting a little comfortable? Sure...it is bound to happen when you move in with someone.
    It's always more exciting when there is a little mystery and you "miss" the person.

    Maybe he just masturbated earlier and that was why it was harder for him to get aroused,or maybe you guys have just been doing it so much his stamina went up.

    Try taking a little break...Don't ignore him or anything,but don't act all that interested.
    I do this with my husband,and within a day or two he is literally stalking me like a prey.

    Sometimes they just need to build the testosterone back up and they are right back to being animals:p
     
  5. Untamed

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    Good advice DJ..

    With my past relationship it happened a few times.. made me feel really unsexy.. I started looking at my body like "Oh gosh I've gained weight that's probably why"

    Then I started paying attention to things that got him aroused and wanting sex.. wasn't usually me triggering his arousal. But women on the TV...
    Once even a lady he had to go and see at an office.. he came out and we started driving off.. I looked down and was like "wow.. what got him turned on"

    and then he started saying "Man you should've seen what [insert name] was wearing.. in her profession she shouldn't be wearing low cut shirts like that and really short shorts".. well there it was ... lol the things I notice.. it's kind of sad to think about now. Small shit that made me feel less desireable...

    But yeah in his defense he may have been really warn out Godiva. Perseverance and not discriminating on him when he goes soft as it has been known to make a guy insecure not being able to stay hard.
     
  6. backcheck64

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    I would call it a drop in arousal, but comfort and familiarity can make it require a little more effort. Take a new car, first few months you can't wait to drive it, then though you still love the car, you need a new road to get a little of that fresh feeling back, then maybe a set of wheels to add a spark, and as time goes on, a tweek here and there, but it's still the basicly the same car you're still in love with. Same goes with a relationship, but instead of wheels and turbo chargers, lingerie and toys, and instead of new roads, different positions and actions, instead of a paint job, hair highlights or color change. Doesn't mean there is any less love or affection. And yes it goes both ways, it's just harder for us guys.
     
  7. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    DarkJewel - i asked him what his preference was and he said 1-2 times a day. So i don't think i'm over stepping it. Though after the sex i asked if he wanted round 2 and he said "NO!...i'm tired!" and it was pretty late...
    He definitely did not wank. On weekends i usually don't talk to him...so that is why he probably misses me so much on Mondays and is so happy to see me. I don't think i should ignore him more that i already unintentionally do.

    Untamed- What you said just made me feel sadder. Wouldn't you want his drive to stem from looking at you not other women???
    You're right. Maybe he is tired. But the fact that he owned up to it and said it's been going on for 3 months, is what makes me sad.

    Anyway, i've kinda hit a dip in the libido anyway too, because i have so much school work, work, and stress to deal with anyway. I do like to make sure he gets off though, and its sad to know that my efforts aren't wanted anyway. Which makes me want to spark them more (reverse psychology perhaps). Anyway. I think i'll give him a break off the nookie for a while. Maybe give it up for the remainder of rent. Then i bet he'll want some at some stage after that!!! Happy Easter ;)
    lol
    That's my plan anyway.

    I recently cut my hair. He didn't even notice. I actually put make up on too.
    Actually, me wearing all that fancy stuff- did nothing to help i don't think. And i really tried :(
     
  8. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    I like my feet....nor others. And he doesn't like feet. And per chance, i just gave myself a pedicure today. Well, half of one...base coat. The colour i want to paint it is at my parents home, i'm going tonight. I getta play with my new Mac too! :)
    i seriously doubt that a pedicure would win his affections. i know him.

    do you think withholding will help and then BAM one day, put the sexy on, once he is good and proper frustrated???
     
  9. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    I even doused myself in a perfume he loves that i wear that i haven't worn in a while. And i wore make up to bed. i never do too. I really tried...and it seemed not to make much difference at all. :(
     
  10. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    okidoky! :)
     
  11. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    thank you everyone for your advice!
     
  12. BlueLizard

    BlueLizard New Member

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    I think there is a comfort level he has reached by having you move in. And thats not a bad thing. In two sexless marriages, it would only take a slight gust of wind (free blow job!) to get me hard. Part of that stems from the fact I had no idea when I would get sex...and if I did get any, I had to jump thru too many hoops to get it.

    Move clock forward to the last three years. Dreamer moved in...a year later we got married. Because of her love of sex, I know there is never a question of not getting it. Now its anytime, anyplace, any position. And a comfort level that doesnt mean I get hard at the mere thought of sex.

    I think you should be flattered he has reached that comfort level with you. I'm thinking thats a good sign as far as your relationship is concerned...
     
  13. Untamed

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    Yep little things like that.. slowly ate away at my self esteem... and he is now my ex. Maybe there will be someone out there for me who knows.
     
  14. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    I don't like that comfort level. Ill just try to restrain, I'm bad at that, but ill try to make him work for it. Ill use my bitterness of his lack of excitement To help me resist.

    untamed i am glad you broke up with him, I would have for sure!