Does anyone get jealous?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Animularisen, Sep 23, 2007.

  1. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    I'm used to being jealous... probs due to trust problems in the past...
    I trust my boyfriend but certain things make me jealous... if i think its jealousy...

    how many other people are?

    just that slight jealousy...?
     
  2. adultchatter

    adultchatter New Member

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    Pay no attention

    It is human nature to be jealous or protective of the things we love in this world. The best thing to do in order to change this feeling is to pay no attention to whovever it is that you love and if it comes back then you know they loves you.
     
  3. Bluesy

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    Well, it all depends, hon. Is he doing something to cause these feelings, or are they happening for no good reason? Sometimes people are dishonest, and/or have a provocative personality, and we pick up "vibes" from them that create intense jealousy...so in that case, it's warranted. And sometimes people are perfect angels, but that isn't enough to stop the green monster from paying regular visits...in which case, you might want to get some help in learning to control your jealousy.
     
  4. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    It's not like he's doing anything but like I dislike the fact he has more girl mates then male... which isn't all that strange and I'm sure lots of boys do but it's just weird for me coz my last boyfriend had hardly any friends and the ones that were, were males. I've got used to this fact... but sometimes he'll talk about picking them up and carrying them around town or something and I'll be like (in my head) jesus, just shut up please.

    He gets jealous of people I know... Mainly if I get any new friends so i guess the feeling is mutual...
    I've found out its because we both don't trust other people (We trust each other) but some girls made a bit of trouble in our relationship a while back who were meant to be his friends. Going around saying that he was their boyfriend... which really upset me because I've been cheated on before but I know he wouldn't cheat as he's really against it when he hears about it or his friends are cheating.

    He isn't friends with them girls anymore for that fact they did something that hurt me and now he distrusts them but it makes me jealous/wary of new girls that come around...
    Some of us can be right bitches lol
     
  5. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    I am jealous by nature, and I don't like how it makes me feel. I was jealous even before I got hurt, so I don't know why I feel like that except low self esteem I guess.

    The best thing you to can do for each other is try to understand how the other feels and reassure each other. At least you both have similar feelings. It is far worse when one is jealous and the other is not and therefore cannot understand how it feels.
     
  6. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    Thats true, he didn't understand at first coz he never got jealous... and then he got jealous of one of my mates and i was like AHH you know how it feels now! lol
     
  7. MsEspresso

    MsEspresso New Member

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    I definitely used to have feelings like this. Not so much anymore . . . we've been together for almost 13 years, and we totally love and trust eachother. He can ogle other women all he wants, and I can do the same. We both agree that it is perfectly healthy to fantasize about other people, but we both know that neither of us would ever act on our other attractions. It just takes a lot of time to build that amount of trust. Although, a little bit of jealousy is healthy, I think. So when I know he's been flirting with some other women, I do feel a tiny twinge of jealousy, but it just makes me want to please him even more!
     
  8. bigballs69

    bigballs69 New Member

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    i get jealous when ever my girlfriend talks about having fun with another guy especially people she use to go out with. but i don't say anything because it really shouldn't be that big of a deal.
     
  9. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    I get very jealous, but don't tend to let my partner know that it bothers me. It is my insecurities that make me feel that way, not his actions.
     
  10. starberry

    starberry New Member

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    I was at my boyfriends house the other night. He has a gay room mate who bought on of his friends over ( a girl). They were flirting heaps and I could tell she was his type. I got so jealous.
    I got back by punching him in the eye when he was asleep, I also told him that I had organised a threesome with her and then decided not to at the last second because there was too much chemistry between them. I'm such a bitch.
     
  11. dwj21

    dwj21 New Member

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    ^^^yeah that's fucked up......
     
  12. eandvk

    eandvk Member

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    When I was younger....late teens and early 20s,Id get jealous at times of my GFs....but as I got older and more and more secure in myself, my looks, my personality and my body, I didnt become jealous any more. I think the more one is secure in their own self...jealousy wont become an issue.
     
  13. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    This seems like a really good question. Here are my thoughts on it. My wife is very jealous and possessive. (She's actually told me several times "You are my property", to which I've responded "No, I'm not. I'm not a purse or a pair of shoes, I'm a human being.") Any female that I have any sort of casual friendship with, she will generally get around to asking me if I'm having an affair with her (which I never am). I've never given her any real reason to be that way. Now, I do flirt quite a bit, but it's usually with married female friends that we've both known for a very long time, and my wife flirts with pretty much everyone, not just the husbands and friends we've known for a long time. I feel maybe a little jealous sometimes, but I generally laugh it off or make a joke about it. My wife will sometimes be "jokingly jealous", and that's cute...it makes me feel like she loves me and doesn't want to share me.

    Sometimes though she takes it further...too far in my opinion. She can get "sad jealous"...moping around for a long time, obviously upset, and I have to drag it out of her. This gets really annoying quickly. It starts to make me feel distrusted rather than loved. And she will sometimes take it even further..."angry jealous", in which case she'll scream things during an argument like "well, why don't you just go be with xyz", etc. That's over the top in my opinion, and really makes me feel undeservedly distrusted.

    My wife also snoops on me. Again, I've never given her any real reason to do that, but she does. She'll read my email, read any instant messenger logs that I might have, and sometimes she'll find something that she doesn't like. Now, it may be a joke or some thing that I would or have said to another woman right in front of her husband and in front of my wife, but that doesn't seem to matter. In reality, I guess written things can more easily come across as serious since you can't see the person's facial expressions that might obviously indicate it's a joke, etc. But still...this sort of behavior makes me feel distrusted, and undeservedly so in my opinion. She flirst more than I do, but I don't snoop on her. (Maybe I should, though...maybe I'd find things that would upset me...who knows?) It also can impact the friendships that she's jealous of, and that part really ticks me off. I've never cheated on my wife, and don't intend to, so it's really unnecessary to take it to an extreme level.

    So, in a nutshell..."jokingly jealous" can feel good to the person it's directed at, but beyond that I think it tends to make the person feel distrusted. That's not a good thing in my opinion, especially when the distrust is not deserved. Who likes feeling distrusted? No one I can think of...particularly if the distrust is undeserved, it becomes downright irrating to say the least. And, if the person IS actually doing something wrong....by expressing the jealousy in a harsh way, you've tipped them off that they better stop. Wouldn't you rather them feel completely trusted so they would get careless and get caught if they were actually crossing a line? I would.

    Here's what I believe is the key point: If you take it too far, then you have to realize that you remove some of the motivation to behave well. In other words, if you're being punished for something you're NOT doing, then you might as well do it since you're already being punished for it. So, I tend to think that over-the-top jealousy has the effect of making it more likely that the person will actually do what they are being accused of, assuming they haven't already.

    In some cases, jealousy is deserved. In some cases, it's not...and I think sometimes jealousy may say more about the person feeling jealous than the person they're jealous of. Undeserved or extreme jealousy I think suggests some pretty low self-esteem in the one feeling the jealousy (or perhaps other reasons, like a string of prior bad experiences in similar situations). I think it can also be a reflection of what the jealous person might be capable of. For instance, if they are assuming some friendship is an affair, then perhaps it's because if they were in a similar friendship, they might be thinking about turning it into an affair? Understand what I mean?

    So, in general, I think a little bit of jealousy can be a healthy and OK thing...but, like any other emotion, taken to extremes it's not a good thing. Someone above said "let go"...that's great advice, no one wants to feel like a prisoner (well, most people don't).

    Also, I think folks should consider that jealousy is generally a temporary emotion (for most of us, anyway). Be careful to not make important decisions based on jealousy...you want to make those decisions based on more permanent (or at least, long term) emotions. One of my best friends decided that she wanted to be with the fellow she married after she had told him that she wanted to see other people for a while...he brought a date to a place he knew she'd be just to make her jealous. It worked, she called him later that night and told him that she had changed her mind about the dating arrangements and really just wanted to see him only. They ended up getting married...now, they are not exactly the happiest married couple I've ever seen. If she hadn't made her decision based on the temporary emotion of jealousy, then her life might be quite different (as in, considerably happier) right now.

    My thoughts for ya..

    BassDude
     
  14. deckard_cain

    deckard_cain New Member

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    I think I'll always get jealous, its what you do with that that matters. Telling my partner about it has helped us a lot. Just telling her whenever it happens.
     
  15. NaughtyKnickers

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    Sure! Who doesn't!?
    If a person is remotely competitive, and values something/someone they have vested their emotions in, of course they're going to want to protect their prize. :shrug

    I think keeping those feelings in check is what's important. Like many human responses and emotions you have to be able to identify what you're feeling, and stop yourself just long enough to conduct a little reality check to see if your feelings are well founded.

    That's the best I can do. Eliminating jealousy all together is pretty tough!
     
  16. ChargerBabe

    ChargerBabe New Member

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    I couldn't have said it better myself. I am an extremely jealous person and have been all my life. But I totally trust my husband.
     
  17. Bluesy

    Gold Member

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    You must have snagged yourself a one-in-a-million kind of guy :) I'm very territorial, have always had problems with jealousy, but I fully believe that if you're with the right person trust is not an issue. Thank you for proving that theory correct!
     
  18. The Kid

    The Kid New Member

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    Jealousy is something that every human is going to have once in a while. The key is to not let that jealousy take over and impact every facet of your life. If controlled jealousy is fine in small doses.
     
  19. ChargerBabe

    ChargerBabe New Member

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    Thank you Bluesy. I do believe he is a one-in-a-million guy. Before we even started dating all my friends told me don't even try it because we are so opposite ( I am very loud and obnoxious and he is quiet and reserved) but the fact that we are opposites is what really makes us work. He isn't jealous at all and I would never want to abuse that!
     
  20. LA_20

    LA_20 New Member

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    sometimes but I try not to. I have a lot of close guy friends and I know that my boyfriend trust me without a shadow of a doubt. Although I ocassionally get a twinge of jealousy when a girls flirting with him, I tell myself "he trust you with your friends, the least you can do is trust him in return". that being said, it doesn't stop me from shooting nasty looks at girls who are checking him while we are holding hands... I figure a glare is better then saying what I really think "sorry hun, he's taken, so you can stop staring now"