Do you think you're good in bed?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by sensless, Sep 15, 2017.

  1. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2015
    Messages:
    3,532
    Likes Received:
    6,022
    Gender:
    Female
    So, some of you think people don't say what you want to hear and the reason some person comes back to you is the excellent sex you provide. I never thought you didn't believe in it, otherwise I wouldn't have written these posts.
    ___________
    Going back to my post, I don't think I've said women were the only ones doing it and, in case I didn't make it clear, men do the same. I'm afraid this part of the message didn't pass.

    Men will do anything to get sex, any sex, seing as it's a break from one's hand. That includes telling the woman anything she wants to hear and agreeing with anything she says.

    The behavior is encouraged. I've read in many threads that a man should show interest in what the woman does. Showing interest in what one isn't interested is a lie and a mean one, at that. The woman will perhaps make decisions believing his behavior and interest are genuine.

    I don't know if when one says "men", or "women" it's like saying "all men"/"all women". I never mean "all". There are exceptions to all rules. It is normal to think we're different, better, we're the exceptions, so much better than everybody else, we're fantastic, no one ever lies to us, why would they?!? It isn't realistic, though. We all have strong points and weaker ones.
     
    Amature likes this.
  2. Sagittarius84

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2014
    Messages:
    976
    Likes Received:
    692
    Gender:
    Male
    Somewhat of a fallacy, an easy to determine one at that, given this forum.
    But I think your overarching opinion has some credence, especially when measured against my apprehensions..
    So in an objective sense, yes, I think I'm great in bed. I've got great cardio, orgasm control, I'm all about tactile exploration. I'm very cognizant of my partner's reactions. My body doesn't prevent me from achieving certain positions, and I'm physically strong.
    But in a real world subjective sense, none of that means anything. Honestly what good is it to have the tools and strategy necessary to be sexually competent, when the ability to demonstrate those things hinges upon someone else's opinion?
    Especially as a heterosexual man, wherein our success with one woman may convince other women to give you a try, but by no means spells guaranteed sexual success.

    But I think the quoted passage unveils a truth spoken upon very sparingly..in that men's desperation for sex(nowhere near as readily offered) we have sacrificed quality for surety and quantity...namely there's a lot of ladies out there with garbage vagina that are never advised as such.
     
  3. cook74

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2007
    Messages:
    4,514
    Likes Received:
    7,680
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    I think I used to be better than I am now. I am not too old, just out of practice.
     
  4. Alwayslearningsex

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2010
    Messages:
    3,165
    Likes Received:
    1,420
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    Not all men actually. Many probably.
     
  5. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2015
    Messages:
    3,532
    Likes Received:
    6,022
    Gender:
    Female
    I don't know what you mean by "garbage vagina". We're talking about consensual sex. At least, I am. So, they're both getting something they want out of it. If what you mean is that the waste is the guy's sperm, than I'd say the bin is the condom.

    Sex happens for a variety of reasons and an orgasm isn't always the most important thing. Bonobos use sex to solve conflicts. Humans do the same. The fact we aren't the only apes doing it is an indication that women aren't denying sex just to piss you off. The way we act about sex has to do with a lot more than making men happy.

    Two genres was an evolution in the sense that it creates variety, as opposed to one genre reproduction. It makes two genres species more difficult to decimate by bacteria than one genre species (less variety, since offspring are a copy of parent). No where in nature you find pleasure as a main reason for sex. We're just part of it. Look for the behavior in other primates. You won't find it.

    Being cross with women for not wanting sex as much as men is irrational. The female of the species needs to be selective. It's an evolutionary design and all living creatures of this planet exist because of that basic instinct. It explains even the elusiveness of the female orgasm. We only have that from what the embryo would have made a penis.

    Anyway, that's all to say that both evolution AND society want the female apes we are to be selective. We're not doing it to piss anyone off.
     
  6. Sagittarius84

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2014
    Messages:
    976
    Likes Received:
    692
    Gender:
    Male
    Men and boys are constantly brought up with the idea that ejaculation=win. That the sign of a man satisfied with his sexual experience is the inevitable orgasm. The problem is ejaculation does not automatically equal orgasm. If need be i could ejaculate midway through a 100m dash without missing a step, but the experience wouldn't be classified as orgasmic.
    As such many women walk around, fradulently confident in their sexual prowess, despite them being slightly more life like than a fleshlight. Whats worse, many men, jaded by the low expectations of sexual fulfillment consider surety and quantity higher priorities than quality, no different than the legions of addicts that will flock to easily obtainable crack, as opposed to the expense and tribulations to obtaining powder cocaine.

    Nobody is implying malevolent intent here, I understand both evolution and society have pushed women to be selective. The issue is evolution and society have also been instrumental in encouraging men to mate with girls as young as 13, a sentiment Im sure you're glad is dying.
    The issue isn't selectivity alone, it's the consequences that stem from criteria by which said selectivity is determined. There are quite a few biologically positive motivations for grown men to seek teenage women as mates, but we know societally the consequences that stem from that. We also know that humans through advances in medicine and hygiene have somewhat usurped evolution as it operates in the animal world, thus we are no longer bound by the same evolutionary agendas as our primate cousins.
    So don't translate it as "cross" see it as frustration by a population of men who see a large portion of women still making sexual choices based upon a 45-50 yr lifespan, and an inability to provide for oneself, yet still being disappointed by the quality of man borne of such a system.

    You've mentioned more than once that your experiences with men are what drives some of your "lesser" opinions of our capabilities. I postulate it is infinitely easier to blame a gender as a whole based upon your personal experience and anecdotal experiences from others, then to consider perhaps it is the men you attract and are attracted to soley that are prone to demonstrating said behavior.
     
  7. Arjana

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2017
    Messages:
    614
    Likes Received:
    3,506
    Gender:
    Female
    Oeh I like this question!! Because I have no idea lol...

    I can become distracted during sex, when the mind wont shut down... that might be a bummer, but i got that under control. Lol...

    That in mind, i think I do OK :D
     
    JudeHara, HazHardHat and Ryan4chat like this.
  8. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2015
    Messages:
    3,532
    Likes Received:
    6,022
    Gender:
    Female
    I still didn't get what is a "garbage vagina". And I didn't get where I've blamed a gender. Blamed what gender and of doing what? Wasn't I, in the very post you quote, talking that it's all evolution and society? Do these two have genders? As for the last paragraph, I don't believe for a minute that you think a woman of my intellect doesn't know how to choose a mate. Therefore, it just put a smile on my lips.
     
  9. Sagittarius84

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2014
    Messages:
    976
    Likes Received:
    692
    Gender:
    Male
    ...to be fair, you did qualify it slightly with...
    ..which still implies a majority.

    I don't doubt your mate acquisition skills, you above most probably have a greater grasp of what it is you want from a relationship. I only speak to the shortcomings you've come across that you share. We should all be reflective enough to consider if that which we want is the progenitor of our complaints.
     
  10. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2015
    Messages:
    3,532
    Likes Received:
    6,022
    Gender:
    Female
    What you call "garbage vagina", if I understood correctly, is what I've been calling dead fish. I hope I've got it now.

    That isn't blaming. It's nature. The same nature that made women have to be selective made men do anything to procreate. Take a look at some species that are semelparous. They have even found semelparous mammals. In a less catastrophic way, observe the displays of birds of paradise to try to attract a female. It's nature. It isn't there to piss anyone off.
     
  11. Sagittarius84

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2014
    Messages:
    976
    Likes Received:
    692
    Gender:
    Male
    Lol, dead fish...I like that one.
    Selectivity in of itself is not the issue. It is the criteria by which said selectivity is exercised that causes the most issues....

    Let's step back for a moment, is your definition for "good in bed" based in objectivity or subjectivity?
     
  12. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2015
    Messages:
    3,532
    Likes Received:
    6,022
    Gender:
    Female
    Subjective, of course, because the moment I decide how to define "good" and "bad", I'm introducing subjectivity. That's at the core of problems in social science.

    I think the misunderstanding comes from a few opinions of mine that are misinterpreted.

    1) I think feedback is important, but not the most important factor, because people lie not to hurt you. Men and women. I'm not blaming a gender. I'm not saying lying is wrong either, in certain circumstances. I've started a thread about these lies and all the contributions are pro such lies where the truth would only hurt another person.

    2) In other threads, I've said things like "men aren't good at fingering". I'm not saying "all men". I'm not saying women are good at everything they do, nor at anything at all. I'm not saying men can't be good at other things, like oral, etc. Depending on the question asked, I'll talk about men, or women. I think it's a healthy thing to have someone speak up from experience, since most of what we read here is fiction, hearsay and internet-reality with its characteristic propensity to exaggeration. Forget not, some (I'm friendly teasing you) feel a lot less happy when I cite research papers and their statistics, something I've done many times. I've said in many threads that one individual isn't a statistics. It doesn't mean one can't share experiences.

    The dead fish thing: I've suggested in a few threads that the interest in soft bdsm things are due to people being lazy and just wanting to lay there, like a dead fish, while the other does all the hard work. I don't need to say it's my opinion, because I'm writing it without any citation. Whenever I say things like that, I know there will be an outcry... unless I say there will be an outcry.

    So, the problem is that we assume we know how the other think just by a question he/she asked, a suggestion he/she proposed. This leads to a lot of misunderstandings.
     
    BeBop and lbushwalker like this.
  13. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    7,312
    Likes Received:
    5,490
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    @Rhaenys that statement makes me intensely sad :(
    With your tits and your naughty disposition, you could have anyone!
    Oh and I almost forgot, also that alleged very tight pussy!
     
    #73 lbushwalker, Sep 23, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2017
  14. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    7,312
    Likes Received:
    5,490
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    @Sagittarius84 and @sensless, I seem to agree with you both but then that seems contradictory, but really is it?
    We are exploring reasons and options so all is fair and equal, well kind of isn't it ?
    Sorry to mention this @Sagittarius84 but I just hate those harsh words "garbage vagina" term.
    Even the worst I have ever experienced can never equate to that just because they have belonged to a real live and feeling woman!
     
    Amature likes this.
  15. Rhaenys

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2015
    Messages:
    5,940
    Likes Received:
    23,197
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    The Lands of Always Winter
    Verified:
    Photo
    It's ok. That was all a long time ago :p
     
    HazHardHat and lbushwalker like this.
  16. HazHardHat

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2015
    Messages:
    2,127
    Likes Received:
    2,782
    Gender:
    Male
    Love this honest answer and glad you got that under control @Arjana ;)
     
  17. Sagittarius84

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2014
    Messages:
    976
    Likes Received:
    692
    Gender:
    Male
    I'm sorry, maybe it's a cultural thing. Ever since I've been sexually active, terms like garbage vagina, or wack dick have been commonly used purposely insensitive terms to refer to specifically a lack of effort in lovemaking, not necessarily the physical state of the genitalia themselves.
     
  18. JudeHara

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2017
    Messages:
    79
    Likes Received:
    245
    Gender:
    Male
    Wow..I guess I just don't hang out or associates with assholes. I cant imagine any of my friends using most of these terms to describe even an ex lover. Sincerely . lucky guy with no assholes friends.
     
  19. BeBop

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2016
    Messages:
    2,949
    Likes Received:
    4,718
    Not all "soft" BDSM. Even if you're the Sub, it should be a dynamic/motivated experience. Feedback, responses, interaction with your Dom/Domme - no "dead fishing" allowed! (There's my version of an "outcry" on that. ;))
     
  20. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2015
    Messages:
    3,532
    Likes Received:
    6,022
    Gender:
    Female
    Lol, Be!

    It's decided, I'll add a signature to let everybody know I never mean "all". Never, ever! Never!

    How should I write that in English in a way that it's really clear? Would you, guys, suggest the signature text? I realize I just don't know how to express it in a clear way. I think there's a language barrier situation here. :(