Do you think you're good in bed?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by sensless, Sep 15, 2017.

  1. SexyFantasyGirl

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    IMO it's not really what you think about yourself, it's all about if your partner thinks you are good or not
    Iv'e always done my best at pleasing my partner in bed, and to this day I have never got any complaints yet,
     
    #41 SexyFantasyGirl, Sep 17, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2017
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  2. yojimbo441

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    I like to think I'm pretty good. I really can't say for certain because my partner doesn't complain and isn't really vocal about what she wants most of the time. When I do try something new I don't get much feedback so it's hard to say.
     
  3. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

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    Guys, I see many of you rely on what your partners say, or the fact they come back.

    But people tell you what you want to hear. Nowadays, we're all supposed to be PC.

    The other thing is that people come back for various reasons. Solitude, for instance. Real feelings, friendship are others. Others come back, because they think they don't have anyone else and a bad fuck may still be better than no fuck at all.

    Lots of people stay in a relationship, because it's difficult to move on. It can be so many reasons.

    Besides, there's always room for improvement in everything.

    I'll repeat what I said a few posts back: don't wait for a complaint. It probably will just come when it's too late. Mainly if you're a man. She'll veer off sex and never tell you why. Years of bad, or boring sex, lead to lots of women just giving up on it. It's the why bother thing. Everything is more worthy of her time than THAT.

    Even women who have orgasms with you may feel that it's just not worth the bother. She won't tell you that you suck in bed. She'll just lose interest.

    We have to think for ourselves and try to be better. If we care.

    I can't understand the comment like "she/he comes back, it's surely good". Seriously? Does she/he know she/he has an option? An option that would not mean messing up with the kid's life and housing, friends, work, throwing the pieces of a broken family into poverty? And loneliness?

    And people would really answer "no, it wasn't good. The sex was horrible." Seriously? Would you really say that to a human being? But you expect they'd tell you that?

    One of the questions I ask men I'm considering fucking is this one. And if their answers are "I've heard no complaints", it tells me a lot of things about that guy.

    As a general rule, I'm disappointed of answers to any questions where the person is putting that responsibility on others. Somebody will say it, somebody is validating you. You can't think and analyse for yourself. You don't take responsibility. Stuff like that. And on a job interview, an answer like that "well, customers keep coming", or something in these lines... well, they won't get the job.

    I'm not saying this to hurt anyone. My wish is that you think. Don't shoot the messenger. Is that your attitude in life? Others answer for you? Validate you?

    If it is and you think that's OK, fine. But at least think of it for a few minutes.
     
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  4. Amature

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    I really don't know if I'm good or not. I've only been with two women in my life. My first wife and I had sex less and less frequently over our 30 plus years until it was non-existent. She didn't know what or how she wanted sex, and I didn't know what she wanted either. My second wife is much more experienced sexually and swears I'm the best, most passionate partner she's ever had. I've tried educating myself the best I can by reading a lot, watching videos, etc. and trying my very best to please her. And she says I do, and the twinkle in her eyes says so. Yet, I somehow feel sexually inadequate. Maybe it's the lack of partners. I don't know. But no, I do not think I'm good in bed by most people's standards.
     
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  5. Eater47

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    Other people's standards don't matter....just your wife's!

    :D:D
     
  6. maxxpro

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    I think up until just 5 yrs. ago I was just good. Since then, I have had quite a few amazing partners and have tried and re-tried so many things. I now feel like I am very good and so much more in tune with a woman's body and needs. My confidence in bed is very high. :)
     
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  7. Recooter

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    I would like to think I am, but I guess never really had an opinion from a third party who didn't have a conflict of interest.

    We all have had those sexual encounters when your performance was sub-par, and you start replaying the encounter in your head, which makes you start second guessing your moves. Those encounters make you a better lover.

    What I do know, is that I'm confident in bed, and nothing will deter me from having lots of sex.

    I don't ask women about their past bfs, and how I might rank sexually. I don't care how my dick compares to her past partners. That stuff doesn't phase me. I just want to have great sex, and if I was bad, let's do it again until I make it great!

    I'm confident in the sack, and I like it when the woman I'm with is just as confident.

    All that being said, I love constructive criticism, and I consider every time that I have sex as a step closer to getting better at it!
     
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  8. Witoutit

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    It is more about what your partner considers you to be I think. It's all a perspective. I think I'm above average in bed as far as the talent and technique dept goes. I've had several partners over the years tell me I'm the best they'd ever had, which makes me smile but also makes me wonder what kind of worthless dudes she's been with that left her lying there wet and wanting while they snored. I have a few key things I consider important to women in bed, one, I put her pleasure and satisfaction above my own, as I can cum any time by just looking at a sexy picture while it takes a woman certain stimulations to really get her off, then I can get off in five seconds. LOL. Passion and tenderness goes a long way too with women I think. T hen there's respect and consideration. I she doesn't feel comfortable or feel you respect her wishes in bed she won't be relaxed and be a good lover herself. She won't trust you to try new things in bed and give her the respect to stop doing something she doesn't like when she tells you. Like anal, which a woman has to trust a man to let him try it with her, and know he will stop pushing when she lets him know it hurts and can't go any further.
     
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  9. Kurio

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    I never really see myself in a positive light so my answer would have to be no. My experiences are limited and I don't consider myself good at anything so that plays a role in this. That doesn't mean I don't wish things were different. As things are right now I don't feel able to even have a simple conversation with anyone else and that sort of deep rooted depression does not make one a good companion. The way I see it my experiences are in the past and I don't see anything changing in the future. Given my opinion of my own capability in the bedroom perhaps that's not such a bad thing.
     
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  10. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

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    You sound so down. I hope you get out of the place where you're right now. It's not easy to fight depression. Don't give up. It's so tough, but it's worth fighting. Being good, or bad in bed isnt that important. The important thing is happiness. Fight for it. Look for help. It takes an army.
     
  11. Kurio

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    I have tried many things and always return to the same place a little less than I was before. After so long I think I'm all out of fight.
     
  12. Alwayslearningsex

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    Don't give up the fight!
    I met women that made me feel so-so sexually, and as a partner.
    And some that were the other way around. So, chances are you could have luck somewhere.
    Not just sex.

    I went though a depressed period. It takes a while to get through, especially if, like myself, with a partner that makes things shitty overall.
    Things are difficult now, here giving you words of support that something will change. Find positive things in life, work on a healthy mindset. It doesn't happen overnight.
     
  13. fairlthick

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    I never like to judge my skills. My partner decides how good I am. :)
     
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  14. xtacy4

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    Damn. I'm not sure I agree with all of that! Many women just need the intimacy and closeness sex brings to a relationship. Despite whether it's "mind blowing" sex. Many women lose interest due to hormones. So, to say that women lose interest because it's boring....I doubt that's the case too often!
    Also, I don't think you're giving women enough credit. Many of us have no problem speaking up and making sure we get what we want in bed. We don't lie and deal with it or allow it just to avoid loneliness! Most men are craving for us to tell them what we want or need. If they're not doing something quite right, they want to know!
     
  15. Dog_E_Ryder

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    Then perhaps some of us are confident and have enough assertiveness that we are a good fuck. Which btw for the record I am. ;) :p You asked the question we answered it. Most guy are not stupid they can figure out if they are doing the job or not, and yes if a girl continues to go out, its a good chance... yes you are doing something right.
     
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  16. Candela

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    I don't know how good I am but it sure feels good!!:D:D:D
     
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  17. JackieTreehorn

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    I appreciate that you’re starting threads and getting people talking, but wow that’s a dark and dismissive view of things. I feel like it’s painted as a fault that most of us rely on our partner for feedback. We’re frequently told that the key to a good relationship and good sex is communication, being attentive, listening to your partner, etc.

    It’s not mere subtext. The message is almost explicitly saying that the feedback from your partner is worthless, jaded, ego-stroking, PC language, etc. She’s only giving you regular sex as a hedge against loneliness and financial ruin. I’m sure there are cases like that, but I don’t share that cynical of a view in general. And I would speculate that the members of SF—at least those who replied--are generally better lovers because they have an interest in discussing and improving their sexual relationship (ok don’t look at the action in the main page feed and laugh at that last statement:rolleyes:).

    Some of the early replies called the question “loaded” and maybe it was, simply by the fact that it started with the sentence, “Forget what women or men tell you.” Since sex is a two-person (minimum:)) activity, that’s a difficult thing to take out of the evaluation process, and still come up with a valid answer. Without any feedback, what is the measure of ‘good in bed’? Number of partners? Size? Number of positions tried? There are fallacies in those objective metrics too.
     
  18. Snook

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    Yes I do, need references?
     
  19. deepvoicedan

    deepvoicedan Member

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    I certainly was good in bed generally and I know exactly what my partner likes and her orgasms seem to get bigger and better. But it has been some time since I slept with someone else and everyone is different so if I was to suddenly become single and sleep with someone different I might be a bit rusty!

     
  20. Rhaenys

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    To be fair, I have repeatedly gone back to fuck guys who were terrible just because it was the most convenient option at the time lmao
     
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