Do girls really like sweet guys or am I hopeless?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by addymark, Feb 12, 2010.

  1. addymark

    addymark New Member

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    Recently, I have noticed that I hopelessly fall in love. I can never tell when or if a girl likes me. This is really hard.I found a girl who is very sweet to me. She tells me that I am the sweetest guy she has ever met and that she loves me. She also has a boyfriend. She talks to him about me and things like that.I really do think I like her.What do you think I should do?
    Do girls really like sweet guys or am I hopeless?
     
    #1 addymark, Feb 12, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 13, 2010
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  2. heelfetish

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    There are girls that like sweet guys, and there are girls that don't. Chances are there is someone out there that is suited to your personality, so I don't suggest changing. Just be yourself.

    As for the girl that already has a boyfriend, you're in dangerous territory. Tread lightly.
     
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  3. totty_hoops

    totty_hoops Member

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    The fact that you write that you 'really do think you like her' might be part of the problem... you're either attracted to her or you're not... you either want to pursue a relationship with her or you don't...

    If you don't feel able to make a serious attempt to get somewhere with her then you can't really complain about her not liking 'sweet guys'

    I think the idea that women don't like 'nice guys' is a kind of mental defence that some men use to comfort themselves when they fail to get with the type of women they want..

    Incidently the fact that she has a boyfriend might not be 100% compatible with you being a 'sweet guy' .... you might want to look into whether or not he is a 'sweet guy' before you do anything, because some men (the bastards generally) can have negative reactions to other blokes trying to get into their gf's..
     
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  4. igor

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    Doesn't sound like you are number 1 in her book.
     
  5. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Uh oh...if she has told you that you're the "sweetest guy" she's ever met and she finds you easy to talk to, then I'm afraid she considers you to be only a friend. As long as she has a boyfriend then that's all you'll ever be. However, being friends is not that bad, right?
     
  6. cook74

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    By the age of 30 you should have been attuned to the signs. If it is too difficult to read her motives/intentions then you just might have to ask her. What is the worst that can happen?? :dgrin
     
  7. totty_hoops

    totty_hoops Member

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    Her boyfriend kicks the shit out of him?
     
  8. lbushwalker

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    Dear addymark,
    Get this;
    Girls generally "like" sweet guys but love naughty ones..........simple fact.

    Personal evidence; for most of my life I have been a "nice" man and all I ever got for my efforts from women was a brotherly kind of love. Then it hit me one day that the really desirable girls always seem to go for inappropriate rascals so I changed myself and became one.
    I offer them adventure, thrills, danger, unpredictability and for the most they love it.
    I will not disclose how many ongoing G/Fs I now have as most here would decry and call me a liar, cheat and yeah......... rascal!
     
  9. Northside

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    Well I suppose I fit the "offer thrills, danger, etc." as a guy who rode in a Motorcycle Club for a long time. I also got a lot of media exposure at one time over some biker issues. A lot of chicks hung around us for the adventure and all, and some of us got laid a lot. Unfortunately some guys still couldn't get laid in a cathouse with a credit card. I just think, I can't say I know, but I think chicks like guys that are funny and fun to be around. Being a bad boy might get their attention but if you can't back it up with some laughs they won't be interested long. Above all, they are all different and unique, just like us!
     
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  10. lbushwalker

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    Northside,
    Dude, mate whatever the local term of empathy it might be you have nailed one fact I totally forgot to mention in the equation because to me it is always a given....yep chicks, gals, women ie the female sex always love humour in a guy.
    That actually may be the most important factor in the mix of attractions.
    Regret and remiss not having highlighted it before but thanks to NS this has been rectified :)
     
  11. outofmymind

    outofmymind Member

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    That's an incomplete sentence, here's what it means translated to English, "You are the sweetest guy I've ever met, therefor you are too nice and flat out boring, so I never want to be with you". Woman are afraid to speak out everything they feel, so they constantly sugar coat, especially if you are too nice to them!

    You got to be a little rude sometimes, throw in some jokes here and there. Otherwise she will view you as a doormat, and think you are just trying to sucker her in to being with you. A girl will get bored of that real quick.
     
  12. Northside

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    Bottom line: She has a boyfriend, she's not avalilable! What should you do: Find a chick who is available, get to know her, and let her know the real you. Don't try to be someone else, be yourself, and don't expect to not strike out sometimes.
     
  13. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Hey Peeps...been a while, thought I'd drop in.

    OK, man...if she's telling you that you are the sweetest man she's ever met and she's not already fucking you stupid, then either she wants to fuck you stupid but is waiting on you to make the move (you ARE the man after all), OR what she's really saying is that she's not attracted to you and loves you as a friend.

    Do you actually know for sure she has a boyfriend and this boyfriend is actually a romantic interest? Sometimes women will tell you they have a boyfriend even when they really do not just as a "test" to see if you're man enough to just take them anyway. (It's not even consciously playing games, it's just the way women are wired...learn to love it rather than being frustrated by it.)

    Women are rarely attracted to "too nice" guys, so if you're being too nice, then stop it, you're killing any attraction that might otherwise be there. You don't have to be a jerk or an asshole however. Find that middle ground of a naughty "bad boy" (it's right smack between being a "too nice" guy and being an asshole jerk). You've got some bad boy in you, we all do...let him out. Likewise, almost all women have a "bad girl" inside that needs someone to let her out...be the one to release her naughty side (by leading her into fun shenanigans with you and making anything naughty she does absolutely OK) and you won't be able to beat her off you with a stick. The poster who said that women love naughty men is quite correct. And it's a snowball effect...once a few women see you being naughty with one woman, they ALL want to get naughty with you too. LOL.

    As far as determining if she "likes" you (ie. she's sexually attracted to you)...stare her in the eyes when you talk to her and notice if her pupils dilate. Notice if she crosses her legs toward you, if her feet frequently point toward you, if she seems to always show up near you when you're in a group, if she touches you a lot for no reason, etc. If she's sending you these kinds of signals, then she probably digs you so just grab her, slip her off to a dark little corner, and kiss her. Make out with her and get her turned on, then take it all step by step until you're both saying loud horizontal prayers. :D Don't ask her "permission", just do it...if it's not what she wants, she'll stop you. (And honor it if she does stop you. Make sure you understand the difference between a token "no" and a sincere "no". A breathy "nooo" when you try to unbutton her pants is probably a token no for instance...just keep turning her on and you'll earn her lovin'. A "no, this is not what I want. Stop please." etc. is a sincere "no".) If she doesn't stop you, then it's what she wants. If she stops you, don't apologize or make excuses...just jokingly say something like "you're so stinkin' cute I just couldn't resist...you'd better watch me". If she gets mildly upset or alarmed, again joke about it and make her laugh..."Have I been bad? You should probably punish me." You're the man...so act like a man. ;)

    If her signals say "you're just a friend" instead of "you're a potential lover", then find a girl or two to date, get naughty with them, and tell her all about it. If you're "just a friend" (and not someone she sees at disgusting or gross...LOL), then it's probably because she just doesn't see you as a sexual being...change that. Spend a little less time with her, and when you are with her talk about some of your adventures with other girls. If she is at all attracted to you, this willl amplify it (and if she's not, this may trigger some attraction)...she'll feel jealous..."Hey, I want him for myself!" and she'll turn up the indicators of interest, and she might even make a move on you. (If she makes a move on you, don't hesitate, take her immediately and wear her out!) If she says something like "Wow, I didn't realize you had this in you!", say something like "Well, it's too bad we can only be friends". Maintain that attitude, if she's feeling any attraction at all for you, she'll see you as a challenge and try to reel you in.

    Most women won't form a romantic emotional connection with you until you either take them to bed, or make them want you so bad that their panties get wet everytime they are around you, so you need to make her see you as a potential lover and then act on it the first time she gives you an opportunity. (If she sees you as a potential lover, then she won't give you an opportunity to act on it unless she wants you to.)

    If you are hopelessly stuck in the "friend zone" after trying to turn things around, then simply keep her as a friend and move on. Ask her to introduce you to female friends of hers. Keep the friendship...if other women see you hanging out with her (even if she's just a friend), then you become pre-qualified as a decent guy in their eyes.

    HTH,
    BassDude
     
    #13 BassDude, Mar 16, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2010
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  14. FlirtyChick

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    I like sweet guys, but at my age most of them are flawed...not to say you are. Now as far as the love part, is it friend love or romantic love on her part? I used to fall in love with people because they were nice to me, but now I know better; long story. I think you should talk to her about how you feel. If she is interested in you that way it will come to fruition, if not you will be off the "hook". I don't think it does any good for you to care about her romantically if she doesn't feel the same way, and these days I don't believe in casual anything. You are NOT hopeless.........
     
  15. Barbwire

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    So, let me get this straight, are you seriously telling addymark that women are"wired" to be liars an no sometimes means yes?
     
    #15 Barbwire, Mar 16, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2010
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  16. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Now, now...you know exactly what I mean CL. An "I'm about to come you have me so turned on" kind of "no" means "no, not yet"...an assertive "this is not what I want" kind of "no" is a "no I don't want to have sex with you". It's impossible for any man in his right mind to misunderstand the difference between those two.

    Some women (and men) are wired to be liars, some women (and men) are not. We know who is and who isn't, now don't we?

    Addymark...one more thought: Yes, women dig sweet men. Just remember to be a sweet MAN though...women love sweet little boys and sweet women too, but not exactly in the way you're after. ;)

    Cheers,
    BD
     
    #16 BassDude, Mar 16, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2010
  17. Dreama

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    Hey, BD welcome back to the discussion. I have spent a great deal of time, reading a lot about male seduction, and I agree with most of what you say-However, with the philosophy, I always have to take a bit of an issue with this. I say if a lady says no, it's a no, but that's just from my bad experiences; I might be biased.

    What happened to me was, hubby and I went to a party, it was a few close friends and a guy I had never met before. Hubby had stayed up late, and had a few brews so he headed back early. I thought I would just stay and party and crash at that house after the party. Wells, I got a bit too drunk and ended up having to take my leave into the restroom to, well...puke my guts up. Little did I know, a guy had slipped in with me, the guy at the party I didn't know. I didn't realize it until I was bent over the toilet puking hell for leather that there were hands up my shirt, undoing my bra and fondling my breasts. I couldn't say anything, scream, or even respond-I was completely helpless. When I finally finished puking, I got up to say that I wanted no part of this and that I wanted to be back home with my husband. This creep followed me almost all the way home, and I was so drunk that I almost couldn't stand up. It was a miracle that I wasn't raped and in the bushes the next morning-I got home and locked the door. I couldn't believe what had just happened to me. From now on, to me, no is no.

    I know that this is completely out of the context of which you were referencing your experience-the time, place, and tone is much different. That said, I would just say, be cautious. If I were a single lady, and wanted to be picked up, I wouldn't be saying no to guys, and if I did, it would really mean that. I know that my experience is the reason I do this, but you never know what kind of experience that they have had under their belt.

    That said, it's good to see you around here!
     
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  18. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Thanks Dreama!

    Totally agreed. A woman who has healthy self-esteem isn't going to give it up too easily (unlike a woman with very low self-esteem, who may have sex with someone just for validation that she's actually attractive to at least someone)...she may say "no" a time or two (perhaps over multiple days) even though she really wants to give it up. Again, the guy should honor that "no"...the woman will make it clear when she's ready.

    In no way should a man ever force himself on a woman. There's a huge difference between being a dominant masculine male versus being a rapist. Your experience was more akin to date-rape than a willingly passionate night with someone you like, and not at all the kind of situation I'm refering to. But, you already know that. ;)

    Oh! Another important point that you triggered here...a "no" may not always be spoken. A woman pushing you away or off of her, struggling to get out of an embrace, etc., is VERY obviously a "no, not at all!". On the other hand, a woman gently grabbing your hands that were about to unzip her jeans and guiding them back to her bare breasts is pretty obviously a "no, not yet". ;) Wouldn't you agree?

    BD
     
    #18 BassDude, Mar 17, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2010
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  19. lbushwalker

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    Tut tut Cl I was just saying in another thread how tolerant you have become.
    BD is being helpful here and not really suggesting any such thing only that sometimes the words used in such situations need to be interpreted in context with activity.
    For you things might be quite absolutely; yes or no but for others well.....there are degrees of responses and so a man has to be real careful to understand the true message.
    An emphatic NO is always thus but little resistances can be token ok?
    The guy has to be sensitive and smart enough to understand the difference in the true nature of the message.
    Please, no harm meant here people but guys if in any doubt go for the safety of no go ok!
     
  20. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Yes, well said...if there's any doubt about whether it's a "no, not yet" or "no, not at all", then assume it's a "no, not at all".

    Let me state something differently here: My advice isn't about getting laid only, it's about forming a romantic emotional connection with the woman in question. In general, women form an emotional attachment when sex is involved. Would anyone here disagree with this statement? (I didn't think so.) Also in general, women only form one strong emotional attachment at a time. Would anyone disagree with THAT statement? (I didn't think so either.)

    So, if the original poster wants her to "fall in love" with him, then he has to take her to bed (or create equivalent sexual tension). Being her friend is good...but he still needs to take her to bed if he wants to launch a relationship with her.

    BD