do cheaters change???

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by soy, Jul 20, 2007.

  1. soy

    soy New Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Canada
    so i'm courious weather cheaters ever stop and 'settle down' for the right girl. I've been best friends with this guy for a few years now we know eachother inside and out. a couple months ago he expressed to me that he was totallty in love with me. I told him i felt the same. The thing is, he cheated on his first girlfriend. He is with a different girl now, they ahve been togeather for a couple years, they live togeather and they both know that when summer ends they will be moving back to school, and things will end.
    But he has tried to start things with me, while with her, and i KNOW that he would cheat on her with me if i allowed it.

    the thing is, we've been such good friends for a while now, i feel like i know him, we have a really really good relationship between us. He said that he never thought i would love him back in the same way, and that he has never felt this strongly about anyone ect...
    and i do believe him, but do cheaters ever actully stop?
    Do they grow out of it? or do they most likley fall back into old habbits?
    i've experssed to him how i feel about him cheating and he says he understands. But i donno maybe some people just can't help it?

    if there are any guys on here who are cheaters, or used to be, i'd like to hear from you. If your scared of getting picked on for cheating or anything you could just PM me.

    thanks :)
     
  2. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    There isn't a single answer to this. Some men and women 'cheat' and feel so guilty they never do it again. Other men and women adopt a more pragmatic approach to extra-relationship sex, deciding that a lifetime of sex with one single person is a lofy ideal, and therefore they justify a bit extra for whatever reason. Sometimes the partner knows of the cheating, either openly or by intuition, but lets the cheating happen because keeping the relationship going is better than losing it.

    It is up for you to decide as to whether this boy will cheat on you, and if he did how would it affect you?
     
  3. trophy-husband

    trophy-husband New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2007
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Texas
    Does a leopard change its spots?
     
  4. NaughtyKnickers

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,609
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Nothing like a knee jerk reaction to add to the discourse ... :eyes
     
  5. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,754
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern Indiana
    Soy
    I have never thought of dating different Women as cheating.
    If anyone did that then we all are cheats as none of us
    has ever dated only one person, We date many people
    that's the way we make our choice as to is the
    right one for you.
    If you have his engagement ring on and He dates another person
    that is cheating, But you were talking ordinary dating and
    until we make a commitment in life no cheating can happen.

    Hiker
     
  6. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    6,443
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Interesting issue...

    For one thing I think we need to differentiate between habitual/pathological cheaters, i.e.: the people who come on here and say things like, "I can't stop cheating on my girlfriend!" -- and those for whom cheating is an isolated incident. My ex boyfriend definitely belongs in the first category. He cheated throughout our relationship and I don't believe it was because he was attempting to find the right person. He claimed it was because he was a man and therefore, "supposed" to have sex (spread his seed)with as many women as possible. In cases such as these I'm not entirely sure if it's possible for them to change, at least not as long as they see women as sexual opportunities instead of people.

    The other type, the person (man or women), who might cheat due to a moment of personal weakness or temptation -- might feel so guilty about it that they never ever do it again.

    However, this is a complicated issue.
     
    #6 Puss_in_boots, Jul 21, 2007
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2007
  7. cook74

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2007
    Messages:
    3,836
    Likes Received:
    5,826
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    If a man loves one woman enough he will do a lot to avoid hurting her. It depends on the strength of the temptation and the weakness of the individual.
     
  8. Alexander Swift

    Alexander Swift New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2007
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Euegene Oregon
    Im in the Exact same situation as you are... Ive known this girl for 5 years and shes had a boyfriend for the last 3. Recently shes been very hard sexual pressure on me. If u figure this one out let me know.
     
  9. Runtoyou

    Runtoyou New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2007
    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    At some point in every relationship things cool and those with a habbit of cheating are likely to stray.
     
  10. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,754
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern Indiana
    Soy, just a question for you
    Has your boyfriend ever said that you was his only
    G/F and that He would never date anyone else.
    I am trying to grasp why you think a guy dating another Girl
    makes Him a cheater.
    Christ I dated at least 10 Girls throughout Hi-School
    and No one accused me of cheating. And if I was
    I certainly didn't know it.
    I really think you must think you OWN[/U someone
    just because you dated Him.
    Until they give you a commitment their is no cheating.

    Hiker]
     
  11. biggonjr

    biggonjr New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2007
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    SOY
    im going to have to agree with hiker on most of his points anyway the point im trying to make is that from age 16 to 20 i have dated 3 women which makes me no expert on anything the point is is that the only reason i dated the last 2 women is because the first woman i was with cheated on me and i tried to take her back and it worked for awhile but then she cheated again so i thought putting a ring on her would make her change but it didn't and she did it again some people just don't want to change and it just a matter of what your willing to put up with to make things work
     
  12. Upirlichy666

    Upirlichy666 Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2007
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    no cheaters never change their fucking cheaters they should be killed on the spot of their cheater
     
  13. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2007
    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    AZ
    I think it's a good idea to line up a job before you quit the one you have. I think it's a bad idea to line up another relationship before your out of the last one. Also I think most cheaters cheat and it's a hard thing to brake. I think it comes from insecurity.:ugh
     
  14. Brad

    Brad New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2005
    Messages:
    342
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    England
    Hi Soy

    I agree with the idea that if just dating and dating several people at the same time, that is fine and not cheating. But only so long as no party is given bullshit that they are the only one in the relationship.

    Cheating in my book is primarily the act of being dishonest to a person that feels strongly for you. And by dishonesty I mean having other intimate relationships while keeping them secret and denying them if challenged.

    Now Soy, relating that to your situation:

    Consider the facts:

    He has cheated before.
    He has lived with his current girlfriend for 2 years.
    He is now ready to cheat on her for you.

    He will probably cheat again, and again.

    There are plenty of men that cheat and will smugly back it up by saying it is nature’s way of spreading the seeds of essential re-production etc. They are in base terms correct. Our ancestors were Cave Men after all.

    If you don’t have too much of a problem with the prospect that you might be his next ex-girl friend, then I’d follow your heart and gut feelings and go for it.

    However, if he is sincere about being totally in love with you then if I were you, I’d give him a challenge that will be easy for him …… if he is being honest.

    The challenge for him is to break up with his current partner, then he can become yours totally. No hassle and no cheating at all.

    Simple if he is being honest with you.

    Difficult for him if not.
     
  15. P1MP1NJ

    P1MP1NJ New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2007
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    once a cheater always a cheater imo
     
  16. Bluesy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,779
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Superb advice! :tup

    Only the bit about the caveman doesn't fly real well because women are biologically programmed to cheat, too. Our instinct is to find a partner who will take care of us and our offspring, then go out and hunt for even better DNA for said offspring. We've all got our innate challenges to conquer in the name of monogamy...

    I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Phil, but I do see the wisdom in some of the things he says. According to the Philster, cheaters remain cheaters unless they get help for the underlying issues that fuel their infidelity. Everyone is tempted, not everyone cheats. There are reasons why some people stray and they need to be addressed before a person can truly change their ways.
     
  17. azezpz1

    azezpz1 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Houston
    You know him better than we do, some people will some people won't sorry I can't help much.
     
  18. Bella

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2006
    Messages:
    5,930
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    In my opinion, no they don't.
    ~Bella
     
  19. wadafxup1

    wadafxup1 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2007
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    You know..i see all these answers, straight YES or NO, thats not the case..it really depends on what kind of person he is..i mean some people WILL stop..some on the other hand just cant really be trusted..so its not something someone on here can just tell you "No, he wont change" or "Yes, he will def. change", We don't know him enough to judge him like this.
     
  20. Father Bob

    Father Bob New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2007
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    young people cheat and date around....just a fact of life called hormones. he may cheat when he's with you too. there's no guarantees in life.

    take a chance...it may or may not work, but at least you'll never look back and wonder.