Divorce

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Flame, Apr 15, 2011.

  1. Flame

    Flame New Member

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    I hope this subject isn't too depressing (I guess if it is, no one will post and it will just fade...)

    A friend of mine is going through a divorce and she has always told me that she knew walking down the aisle that he wasn't the right man for her.

    Another two friends of mine are both still married to their husbands but are not happy and they have admitted that they knew on their wedding day that they shouldn't go through with it.

    I was wondering, for those of you who are divorced or very unhappy in your marriage (eek, sorry, this really is a depressing thread!!!) when did you know or suspect? If you knew before you said your vows, what made you go ahead and get married anyway?
     
  2. Trond

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    OK, I may not really qualify here, as I am not ready for divorce, nor have I fallen out of love with my wife, but we certainly have some serious problems that go back several years. I suspect that some of your friends, when they got married, were hopeful about their future, but also a bit anxious about certain things. In their cases, it turns out the anxious thoughts were correct. I am not saying they are lying, only that they may remember selectively.

    I can remember thinking that our sex life might become a problem, but I was also convinced that letting her go (which was the only option, since she would have been deported) was not an option. The sex HAS become a problem, but we also care about each other, and have helped each other out in all sorts of ways. We were both "in distress" before we met, and things generally got better. In my case, I can't really say I regret getting married. Uh....is this even on topic?:eyes
     
  3. cbrmale

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    Mine is the converse in that I had some lovely times with a few women but it didn't seem quite right to me, so we didn't go beyond what we had. And then I met my now wife and I felt things that I'd never felt before, and that's when I knew. First-up meeting her and I knew.

    My sister is going through a divorce after 23 years of marriage, and this is after many unhappy years together. We thought her now husband wasn't right, they didn't seem suited, so the unhappiness and the collapse comes as no surprise. Mis-matched personalities: she's bright and vivacious and a bit like us in that she would love to travel and explore beyond suburban boundaries. He's working-class, limited ambitions, doesn't want to do anything beyond that which he's 100% comfortable with. We knew they were not suited before their marriage, but I haven't asked her if she knew then.

    I think people mistake friendship and sex for something more than it is, and then live to regret it. Those who go beyond friendship and sex and eventually find the soulmate who you really, truly love are the ones who have long-lived and happy marriages.
     
  4. Untamed

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    My ex-husband said to me the day after our wedding:

    "I wish we never got married, we're just going to end up like my parents"

    The day we got married was a happy day for me but for him it was "Oh man, this is bad".

    The reason we waited so long to get married (10 years into the relationship) was because he didn't want to be another statistic, "it's just a piece of paper" and the very fact that he really didn't want to wind up like his parents.

    I honestly thought on my wedding day that this was it. We were going to be a family "finally" with being married.. completed our lifes path.

    So many issues erupted (became more apparent) after we got married, we both changed and I walked out 6 months later.

    3 months before we got married we went through some rough times which should have been a sign that it wasn't the right thing to do (get married). But when you hear wedding bells and think about marrying your high school sweetheart all the bad stuff went out of my mind.

    I would have to say that it was him who had the doubt in our relationship on the wedding day.
     
  5. Dino

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    I'm really sorry to hear that, Untamed. I have absolutely no idea what your personal circumstances are (and you are welcome to tell me to mind my own...) but in my personal opinion, don't even START blaming yourself.
     
  6. TheMotion

    TheMotion New Member

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    My wife cried in the shower before her first wedding and knew it was wrong and wondered what they would talk about on the honeymoon. (To avoid confonting this I imagine she blew him 24/7).

    I felt the ring burning a hole in my finger the day I travelled to my honeymoon after my first wedding.

    Neediness, youthful idealism, peer pressure, and runaway momentum drive these things.
     
  7. backcheck64

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    If you have those feelings, why not call it off before you walk down the isle? I don't get that. This is supposed to be for life, not for the next couple of weeks or years. If there is an any shadow of a doubt, why do it?
     
  8. lbushwalker

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    I just had that empty gut feeling thing that I was not ready at age 23 but circumstances were such that it felt like it was too late to back out; the train had already left the station and no way to get off other than hit the emergency brake button.
    This must be a very common occurrence.