Divorce/I'm Tired

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Kermit, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. Kermit

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    i was gonna wait but i decided "fuck it; i'll tell y'all now" i'm fixin to go through a divorce. A mutual thing, though we might have a fight a certain large loan she never should have taken out, but if i were to have voiced my objection (which predicted this very siutation) i would have provoked a verbally violent reaction from her.

    I'm tired of being treated like shit, being yelled at, hit, grabbed, denigrated, being subject to violent references. I'm tired of always being rejected when i try to give simple displays of affection both public and private, she rejects even teh slightest.

    I'm tired of the double standards...where she can do anyone or anything she want and i'm an asshole if i have any issues with it, but subject to her absolute dominion by contrast. I'm tired of feeling worthless to her beyond being an extention for herself when she doesn't want to get up from WOW.

    I'm tired of her getting angry when i have depressive episodes because it displeases her if i'm quiet, terse in my responses and morose and i should "snap out of it." as if i choose to be depressed.

    I'm tired of her violently flipping out at behavior that is a hundred times less than what she does on a daily basis. A marriage shouldn'like this, to be expected to be Mary Poppins and docile and obediant polite and subservient, while she can be the Wicked Witch Of The West and be as rude, mocking, condescending, demanding as she wants. It appears to be too much to ask for to be treated with the same respect she demands I give her. Golden Rule y'know? I just want to see the sweet girl i fell for again, but she's gone or never existed.
     
    #1 Kermit, Nov 14, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2011
  2. luvbug

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    Im so sorry Kermie!!! *Big Hugs*

    You deserve so much better than that. She doesnt appreciate what a jewel she has.

    Karma will bite her in the ass tho.

    You have my support.....anytime you want or need to talk/vent Im here for you.

    Chin up Kermie...things WILL get better. *hugs*
     
  3. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

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    I hope it all works out for you, K. Sounds like tough times ahead, as well as behind. Good luck!

    T
     
  4. Kermit

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    Hopfully they will, but i realize she's just gonna hold me back from moving forward.

    Lol, maybe on the Karma, but i do not hate her or think she's evil. I still care about her. I wish her the best in teh world still and if i can afford it I plan to send whatever i can to her to help her out with her daughter. won't be easy for those two but it never has been easy for them.
     
    #4 Kermit, Nov 14, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2011
  5. Mittimer

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    You've already had my input on this honey. I wish I could have told you more. But you know how I felt and to be honest, you've known how I felt about your marriage for QUITE some time now.

    I love you and hope that it works out for the best. You have all of us here for you if you need.
    If you don't already have my phone number, pm me and we can chat sometime if you need to vent.
     
  6. Kermit

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    Thanks mittens :)
     
  7. Alwayslearningsex

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    Never saw that coming from you Kermit, sorry about this.
    You word it in a way discussion was not an issue.

    Any underlying issues at the source? More for yourself to ask though.
    Wishing you luck in all future happenings.
     
  8. RideNaked2

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    I'm so sorry Kermit! Lots of love and hugs your way...good luck
     
  9. lbushwalker

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    Kermie, sometimes you got to make the hard decisions.
    Afterwards you will feel lousy but at least know that you had the guts to go through with it.
    Good luck mate.
     
  10. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    good luck in the future buddy
     
  11. pbs

    pbs
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    I went through a divorce back in the mid 70s - a real bummer. Looking back, it was just a bump in the road though. Know that happier times are ahead.
     
  12. Moon

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    Kermit, you also know what I think of your marriage and the wife. I am so proud of you and am here for you any time xx you are a fabulous bloke and will find your soul mate one day xxx I wish you all the best for your future, it can only get better xxx
     
  13. backcheck64

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    Sorry dude.
     
  14. HardRocker

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    Really sorry Kerm, you don't deserve to be gratuitously treated like shit. It's apparent from knowing you here, that you make an effort to choose the bright side of things as the attitude you prefer to lead your life with. Who wouldn't find that impossible under the influence of a mean spouse.

    All I have to offer is to be sure and write all that you told us as examples of your irreconcilable differences. And lock down your bank accounts before you serve the papers. The party that files first has the upper hand, so if it's possible, don't tell her you plan to do it.

    Good Luck,
    HR
     
  15. boobjob

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    Sorry to hear it. Always a shame when something doesn't work.
     
  16. Kermit

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    at least i don't have to worry about bank accounts, my old one got closed out and she never allowed me to have an account that she didn't have access to. That's one of the reasons i cannot continue this marriage. I was never was allowed a say in our financial matters and should leave everything to her. I remember one time we had gotten a large sum of money in a tax refund check (sure some overdue bills got paid) and we both had loans and i told her "y'know you once told me if we had them taken care of we'd have some real money, so instead of 'blowing' that thousand dollars at the mall lets use it and pay those fuckers off once and for all and free up some money every month" this just enraged her cuase i had forgotten my place, that she was a "money expert" and that i knew nothing so i should "shut the fuck up" and let the "adult" of the marriage handle the money without interference by a "child". Money's not hard really, live within your means and just budget it and if possible allow room for the unexpected by cutting out unnecessary expenses (i don't believe a 100 dollar a month Mountain Dew budget is necessary when tap water and the sodas at work are freely available) and do the best you can and don't blow opportunities like those. She'd had that loan for several years now (bad place 40% interest) but has no interest in paying it off ("they're the last thing in my mind" to quote her). We have very different economic philosophies. She believes in waiting as long as possible before paying bills and i believe in paying them as soon as possible. I hate loan offices, she sees it as free money ( "I would get another if i could!" another quote after i groaned for the second paycheck in a row she's planned to borrow money again, i mean where is it gonna end!) and i see it as money we need to pay back ASAP. I mean granted i believe in paying for services like water, rent and electricity cause it's essential. She believes in planning everything according to expectations and i believe in keeping in mind unexpected expenses to be prepared cause you never know what tomorrow may bring. Funnything is afterwards we got a bill for medical expenses we didnt' expect (exactly waht i'm talking about by unexpected!) I just can't live like this with someone who gleefully and blissfully wallows in debt and embraces it or at least shrugs it off as no big deal if she can get away with it.

    The one thing that kills me though is she pawned her wedding and engagement ring that are heirlooms (70 and 90 years old respectively) for gas and cigarettes and is content to pay the interest and has no interest (she'd get a meal out before she'd pay the 40 dollars to get those diamond rings back) in getting them back. It wouldnt' have bothered me as much if i had paid for them but it bothers me inmensely since they were passed down. I didn't know at the time til she had done it. At the time i thought she said "ring" not "rings" (shows how much discussion took place) i thought she was talking about the ring she just got out of pawn not too long ago, never dreamed she'd pawn those heirlooms. I got upset and she called me childish for getting upset that "in the real world we have to do things to survive" (this was for gas and cigarettes) "when you grow up u will understand that." I understand that of course, but why those we could have pawned other things if she given me the chance to have a discussion before resorting to that. We finally got them back only to have her pawn them again knowing my utter discomfort with that and when i raised objections she threatened to never get them out and let them go to sale since they're hers to do what she pleases if i persisted in my "childish" objections. Now you see what i mean by condesending.

    Sorry for the long vent it's especially relevant as i groaned when i learned i'd have to do another payday loan and sign more papers like i did two weeks ago. Which of course enraged her cause of my visible signs of discomfort were showing. I hope i make it thorugh the several months it'll take to untangle this financial mess before i make my move out of state (i have no friends locally, so i'm going out of state to stay with my best friend she's thrilled at the idea of me as a roommate, can't get a place cause she'll never release my paycheck to me enough to get my own place) cause these places only take cash in person, i cannot just get a job and send the money in the mail.
     
    #16 Kermit, Nov 15, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2011
  17. AGFUNK

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    I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this but also glad that you're getting out of it. From what we talked about your marriage that it seemed to me that it would end up like this. I wish you the strength to get through all of this.
     
  18. Kermit

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    Thank you, and please pray too i can get through this without having to pay her Title Pawn (thank God my name isn't anywhere on the paperwork!) hopefully securing the rings so she can't hold them hostage
     
  19. 1hotmamma420

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    I'm sending you strength hun. Stay strong!! Keep your head up as best as ya can to get through this. Just think what it will be like without all this bs.
     
  20. Kermit

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    Hopfully awesome, i think i've vented a weeks worth lol sorry for over doing it. I like becoming acclimated to new surroundings and my best friend is like the sister i never had.

    Which reminds me (and is appropirate considering this is SF), she asked me several years ago to help her make a sex tape of her and her husband (camera operation). At first i was hesitant cause of the subject matter but came to realize that it would be good film making experience (or at least a start) so i agreed. I think she asked me cause she knew i'd be entirely professional about it which would make to a much better quality film in terms of camera work.