Dirty talk at dinner: entrees

Discussion in 'Erotic Literature' started by nicelynoosed, Jun 17, 2015.

  1. nicelynoosed

    nicelynoosed Member

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    'Thanks to the inspiration for this story: the 'Which Hole Would You Pick?' thread. Hope you enjoy it. - NN'

    E asked “Is the orgasm different based on which…hole the guy is in? I really am interested in the original question. Like, I know the… ass is tighter, so that would feel better, right? On top of that, the person on the receiving end is proving that their freak switches are turned on, so is going over back there better or just different?”


    This was not asked out of the blue. I would not have been terribly upset if she had demanded an answer without preamble but, as it happened, E, A, and I had been discussing sex explicitly for the entire meal and nobody was about to change the subject. We’d been thrown together, three friendly acquaintances, when a dinner reservation had gone awry. Our large party couldn’t be seated together as intended, and our trio had ended up in a corner booth gabbing very explicitly about sex.


    It didn’t hurt that the two women were pleasant in all the ways I could detect in a restaurant without risking arrest. A was a shortish, very blonde and blue-eyed engineer whereas E was a taller, dark-and-freckled graduate student. I like good food and I like smart women and I like talking about sex. This was a banner Friday evening.


    “Well,” I responded to E’s question, “I suppose that would depend on the the fit between the two people. Less endowed fellas have an easier time fitting in… back there and some ladies just find it easier to be accommodating. Even if a girl is into it, there's no guarantee that the proportions will work. Some guys are just too long or wide or the wrong shape, but that's pretty much true with any kind of sex. Things have to be similarly sized, or they just won't work together. Some dudes struggle with performance issues for years before they find a woman who can accept them. How's that for a wakeup call? One day you think you have premature ejaculation issues and then next you're being told that you're huge so naturally everything feels tighter and all these too-tight women were making you shoot too soon. It's like a man who thought he was blind all his life finding out that he had merely been wearing too large a hat. It’s more about the fit.”


    A interjected “Ha! Too large a hat or too small a woman! But… the ass does feel different from the ... the other two holes. So, that orgasm is different too, right?”


    “Hypothetically,” I rejoined, “I wouldn't know personally, see above.”


    I exchanged a knowing smirk with myself. They just blinked.


    “But it's not just the stimulation or the location that determines the quality of the orgasm,” I went on, “Yes, different openings have unique feels, but a dude’s mood, diet, foreplay, time since last orgasm, energy level, perception of his partner’s interest, and even hydration all play a role in how hard a guy comes. It’s never just one thing.”


    “But I know from my pervy classmates’ site that different guys go for different holes,” A countered “Like, they have favorites. That's why there are such clear categories in porn, right? So that makes me think that guys can like how one feels more than the other two.”



    I considered this, and responded, saying “Yes guys can prefer one way over others, but that’s true of a lot of things that have to do with sex. People have favorite positions, choice costumes, and of course go-to dirty talk. But I think few men would restrict themselves to a single orifice, except in fetishistic situations.


    “Or hey, maybe a fellow likes fantasizing about something not available to him in real life. There must be guys out there hung like oxen and totally in love with their wives, but would like to be able to do Option C, so to speak. They don’t want their beloved spouses limping and weeping for weeks, so they refrain. But fantasies are great because they are safe. A guy can love thinking about having a woman’s mouth or lovely ladybits or ass or boobs or feet or whatever even if it doesn’t happen in real life, or at least not often. When and if he lives out that fantasy, the thing he’ll remember most is his excitement, not the specific ways one aperture compared to another.”


    “Did you notice, E, that he said boobs, ass, and lovely ladybits that time?” A asked.


    “I did,” confirmed E, “But he also described anal sex as Option C. Sometimes he talks all polite and scientific and other times it ‘fuck this’ and ‘suck that’. It’s really weird to hear a guy be so descriptive without using more graphic terms and it’s even weirder to hear so many different language for the same parts and activities. What’s up with that? You’re clearly not prudish, but you pick some unusual words.”


    “Perhaps I am verbose,” I admitted, “But I think many of the old fashioned terms are derogatory or offensive, especially for a guy to say. So I have to be inventive because you are two smart, lovely women and I rarely get the pleasure of having such a frank and open discussion. I pick vocabulary that will inform without boring and without dwelling on ideas not easy to convey. It’s a bit like trying to describe blue without referring to the sky or the ocean. Possible, but it takes concentration. I can’t very easily explain what the …cockhead feels like sliding in here or spurting in there. You don’t have the reference points.”


    “I’m not so sure about that,” A countered, “My boyfriend once tried to tell me all about ...semen during an argument we were having about condoms, and I finally had to shut him down and say that yeah, I know all about jizz. Most girls do.”


    “Ha!” E laughed, adding “It probably doesn’t occur to dudes that we might deal with it more than them. Straight guys don’t have to swallow it or have it leak out at inopportune moments or get in their hair. For them it’s just come and go, so to speak. Is that what you mean? Because A and I may not know all about what it feels like for a guy to get off, but we sure as heck have had experiences with a dick or two.”


    They paused to high-five in agreement.


    “I know you can talk about things like speed and pressure,” E continued, “Just like we could explain the major girl parts even if we couldn’t tell you what it feels like when they’re happy.”


    “Ah, but you didn’t ask about clitoral hoods or shafts or labiae whether minora or majora. You didn’t inquire about Bartholin glands, the mons veneris, or the internal neural cluster anterior to the pelvic bone which some authorities claim is the seat of the quasi-mythical area described by Dr. Grafenberg and known to the world as the G-Spot and it’s a good thing you didn’t ask. Because I don’t personally possess any of those and have no business trying to teach you about them. I think that I could become a gynecologist and still have no idea about the feminine experience.”


    E contemplated this, then said “This is seriously engrossing, but man, it’s a bit like a good lecture in college. Interesting, but I might need to start taking notes so that I’m sure I caught everything. I wonder how you do with pillow talk.”


    A snorted into her glass and then chimes in, using every woman everywhere’s typical guy voice, i.e. low and dumb. “Hey, your lovely ladybits were awesome tonight.”


    E took up the theme, mimicking A’s tone and saying “Dr. Gaffenberg couldn’t have done it any better.”


    I held up a hand to hush their giggling.


    “Ha-ha.” I allowed, “I meet two charming ladies for dinner and the conversation becomes indelicate, so I try to use polite language instead of resorting to obscenity. Sue me for being a gentleman. That’s not the same as how I talk in the bedroom. And it’s Dr. Grafenberg, not Gaffenberg, dear.”


    E was having none of it “Say ‘assfucking’, please? I want to see if it sounds weird or not.”


    I sighed, and decided to just do my little party trick.


    “Well, it would sound weird because I use longer words than that.” I commenced, letting my voice grow deeper, more intense, and clear, “I wouldn’t say ‘assfucking’.


    “I’d say ‘laying her down and spreading her open and touching and tonguing her ass until it was wonderfully slippery and completely used to fingers sliding in and out and then aiming at that tiny, puckered doorway, gently but firmly pressing a super-slick cock against it until that moment of delicious surrender when her body opens and it eases into her ass, so slowly and so carefully sinking in before stopping and whispering in her ear that she is doing just what is needed and that she feels so good over and over until she relaxes enough to let more and still more into her, beginning to move together and feeling a hand reaching in front of her to rub between her legs while the other begins a sweet, sharp pinching of her nipples until, unbelievably, she feels herself rock her hips back and give herself over to desire, letting herself grow more and more open until the cock is sliding almost easily in and nearly all the way out of her so that while the fingers dancing over her clit drive her closer and closer to a new and different peak she feels him begin to swell and the incredible, full, tightness blurs with the ragged breath on the nape of her neck and shoulders until, suddenly and finally she begins to writhe and buck and twist and gasp as the cock buried in her ass pulses and sound becomes light and light becomes air and air melts into time and all is chaos and delight and she is filled with a lovely, aching contentment.’”


    I punctuated my statement with a small, very mischevious wink. Some guys are good at golf. I talk dirty.


    The sound E made wasn’t exactly a laugh or a cough, but she managed to get out a very sincere seeming “Ok. Ok. Ok. Wow. Ok. Um, yeah. Clearly not a prude.”


    “Heavens no.” A agreed, waving her napkin in front of her, “Someone please turn on a fan in here and fill it with ice cubes.”


    [To be continued…]