Dirty jokes?

Discussion in 'Games and Jokes' started by _Acid, Mar 6, 2016.

  1. SexyFantasyGirl

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    Q: What do you call lesbian twins?
    A: Lick-a-likes.
     
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  2. SexyFantasyGirl

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    Q: What drives a lesbian up the wall?
    A::A crack in the ceiling.
     
  3. Englishman

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    Q: What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

    A: Spit, swallow, and gargle,
     
  4. SexyFantasyGirl

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    There is this family with three kids, two girls one boy. The oldest which is a girl tells there mother that she is gay. About 5 years down the road the other daughter also tells their mother that they are gay and the mother says does anyone in this house like dick? The little boy comes up and says i do mommy.
     
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  5. CLE32793

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    A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea.

    She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died.

    The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much.

    After the memorial services, she went to the railing and poured his ashes out into her hands and started talking to him.

    "Henry," she said, "you know that mink cape I wanted all my life? Well your company sold for so much that now I have bought myself a beautiful full length mink coat."

    "And Henry," she said, "you know that trip to the Caribbean I always wanted to take? Well, I took a world cruise for 90 days and it was wonderful!"

    "And Henry," she continued, "you know that big blue Cadillac I had been hoping for the last 5 years? Well I bought a Rolls Royce instead and it drives like a dream."

    "Oh, and Henry," she said, "you know that blow job you always wanted?" and she blew the ashes out of her hands into the sea . . .
     
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  6. CLE32793

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    Q: What do u call a stripper with 2 ponytails?

    A: A blowjob with handlebars!
     
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  7. CLE32793

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    Five Kinds Of Sex The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

    The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime. Including the kitchen.

    The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you've got to do it in the bedroom.

    The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!"

    There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the court.
     
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  8. CLE32793

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    Love this one!
     
  9. CLE32793

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    Why are men like cars?

    Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
     
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  10. Englishman

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    10/10 :)
     
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  11. sssssss

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    Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?

    He heard the snow blower coming
     
  12. _Acid

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    Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt. "We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave. The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."
     
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  13. _Acid

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    Three men were walking along in the forest when they were captured by a group of cannibals. The king of the cannibals gives the three men a challenge "If you complete this challenge, you will go free, if not we will eat you." The three men, not wanting to die, agree to hear the challenge. "You most go in to the forest and pick out 10 of any fruit you find, bring those fruits back here" the king says. The three men head out in search of their fruit. The first man comes back with 10 apples in his hands, happy as can be. The king then says "You must shove those 10 apples up your butt without making a sound." The man reluctantly agrees to try. He gets the first one up without a sound, but screams in agony on the second and is killed and eaten. The second man comes back with 10 grapes in his hand. Again the king states the challenge. The 10 fruit up the ass, without any sound. This is going to be easy he thinks. He gets through the first 9 without a single sound. Just as he is about to shove the 10th grape up he bursts out in laughter. He is killed immediately. The second guy still laughing meets the first guy up in heaven. The first guy says, "What's so funny? You could have still been alive!" He replies "I saw our buddy coming back with 10 pineapples and a huge smile."
     
  14. duffy

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    Eeeewwww !!
     
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  15. CLE32793

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    What goes in hard but comes out soft and wet?

    Gum.
     
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  16. CLE32793

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    What's the difference between being hungry and horny?

    Where you put the cucumber :)

    untitled.png
     
  17. CLE32793

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    Wjat's long and hard and full of seaman?

    A submarine :)

    yellow-submarine.jpg
     
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  18. Englishman

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    On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"
     
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  19. CLE32793

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    What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

    After five years, your job will still suck.
     
  20. CLE32793

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    This is why you test drive the car before you buy it. ;)
     
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