difficulty cumming

Discussion in 'Sexual Foreplay and Techniques' started by curious_toungue, Oct 6, 2012.

  1. curious_toungue

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2007
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    bay area
    When me and my so first started to date we would have what id like to say quite vigerous oral sex, after about ten minutes or so of licking and playing with her clit I could get her to cum no problem. She has a difficult time cumming without direct clitoral stimulation so usually the only way she could get off was with me eating her out or using a vibrator in the missionary position. Over time though she's seemed to get less intrested in me eating her out and only seems to oblige me for about five minutes with it before she wants me inside her with her vibrator being utilized. For me its just a bit sad that before I could make her orgasm just by myself and now over the last few months she says it feels really good but just can't quite " get there" im curious if anyone has any opi ions on this or how toconvince her to let me try for a bit more of a duration of time.

    Or if I should even just drop the subject for the most part and just be happy we can both orgasm while having sex with toys. Just for me it does sadden me a bit. Also the only position that works for her is missionary with legs up and a vibrator. Whitch can get a bit old as its always a main event in bed for us. Does anyone have any other reccomendations on positions that are good for use of a vibrator while having sex? we've tried doggy style but she says its a bit uncomfortable and just doesn't hit the angles the same way. Although I've had exes who had a good time with that position and a vibe. Honestly im just happy that we do both orgasm consistently but id like a bit more variety in ways to help her cum and I miss the times where all was needed was my tongue.

    I guess my main questions for the masses would be; good positoons for use of a vibrator or techniques? and any ideas on why the oral sex is having a harder time to completion now? Maybe due to desensitization due to use of a vibrator very often? And any tips for how to make her cum now adays with oral,

    Thanks in advance for any responses :)
     
  2. pbs

    pbs
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2011
    Messages:
    881
    Likes Received:
    441
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northeast
    IMHO, vibrators tend to desensitize, and could be why she doesn't come so easily now with your tongue. Why not take this as an opportunity to lengthen the time it takes her to climax, and tease her a little, give her some time to enjoy the journey to orgasm. You might even try holding back a little when she wants to come, and build her desire until she starts to get more aggressive about making it to her climax. Building up a lot of sexual tension over a long period of time by teasing and denying her a little will lead to stronger and more intense releases.
     
  3. curious_toungue

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2007
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    bay area
    Thank you for the advice and quite often we will do the teasing when she gets close and denying her the orgasm until it builds up more intensely with the vibrator but its almost like when im preforming oral she just gets frustrated and wants a more intense or faster orgasm? Because shell pull me up and say that she just wants me inside her. I don't eve. Feel like im getting a shot to make her cum anymore!
     
  4. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    Have her not use the vibrator for awhile and she will probably get used to your tongue again. Have you tried having sex with her on top? That position gives the most clit stimulation.
     
  5. Paula

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2007
    Messages:
    1,020
    Likes Received:
    26
    Gender:
    Female
    What about yourself? Can you enjoy when you know what is coming every time? Ask yourself.

    Do you like surprises? I think she does.
     
  6. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2011
    Messages:
    396
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Michigan
    Women will orgasm when they want to. She doesn't want to, then making it happen won't work. Look at her having you inside of her as a gift.

    A woman can make herself have sex, but she can't make herself want to have sex.

    A woman would just not always want to orgasm oraly.

    Bottom line, she wants to, do it. She doesn't, don't. You'll most likely turn her on more by going after your own pleasure with it not depending on her doing something she doesn't want to (and maybe even can't.)
     
  7. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    My wife is easily orgasmic orally and sometimes comes during intercourse without any extra stimulation (she finds stimulation distracting). She prefers orgasms during intercourse because they feel fuller than orgasms from oral, which she describes as feeling hollow or empty. I have had other partners describe the differences in a similar way.

    I would have a problem with just one position over and over, but I have not had partners who used vibrators during intercourse with me so I cannot help you on alternative positions. One thing to remember and to discuss is that sex is for two, and one person in a relationship dictacting how it's going to happen each time is inappropriate. She may not like endless oral sex sessions and that's probably okay. But one position with bodies arranged just one way shows no consideration whatsoever.
     
  8. BitchN

    BitchN New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2012
    Messages:
    535
    Likes Received:
    86
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    I was going to start a thread about this myself......I don't really have any answers for you but I have not had an oral orgasm for......um..well, 10 years. I use to be able to get off during oral sex easily......but not now. My theory on this is because we started using a vib....and during intercourse I'm in control of my own orgasms..... I use the vib on myself at all times and I know when, where, and how I like it.

    I don't know if because I'm always in control of my own clit stimulation that I can't relax enough or that I'm in control of my orgasms......

    Does your so use the vib on herself or do you control it?
    That might make a difference.....but if I was you I would not use the vib for awhile.....

    If you find a answer let me know.....I would like to be able to cum orally again.
     
  9. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2011
    Messages:
    396
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Michigan
    I've read a lot that vibes desensitize women or something. We've used a vibrating bullet sometimes and it's good for her, but when she uses it she gets too wound up to receive oral. She's usually okay later.

    I think something that makes orgasm from oral difficult is focusing on wanting to have the orgasm too much. It kind of needs to not have that pressure in order to happen.

    Female arousal is a series of becoming more aroused then being at a plateau, then ramping up the arousal, then plateau... and so forth. Focus on enjoying the sensations you're experiencing and let go of the pressure to achieve orgasm. It's very much like male performance anxiety issues.
     
  10. Dragon_Fire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    1,893
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    I think this is it. She needs to control her own orgasm and it's easiest for her to do it with the vibrator. Maybe she should try re-training herself using her fingers rather than the toy but I really understand the need for control. Even though my partner is able to bring me off, I often hold off for the pleasure of doing so myself.

    As for positions, for years I was only able to cum laying on my back with my legs fairly straight. Even now, if I orgasm from clitoral stimulation, this is my preferred position. I've never orgasmed from doggie style and find clitoral stimulation in this position a pain in the arse. I sometimes orgasm vaginally from other positions but that didn't start until I was 40. Otherwise I just enjoy intercourse for the sake of it and don't fuss about when and how I orgasm.
     
  11. curious_toungue

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2007
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    bay area
    Were starting to become more used to me using the vibrator but somtimes she just doesn't desire us to slowly build up pleasure or want to work with me on it. Sometimes its almost like she just wants to get her rocks off asap lol. Im not too sure what paula meant about always expecting the same thing???
     
  12. BitchN

    BitchN New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2012
    Messages:
    535
    Likes Received:
    86
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    Were you two having sex on the same night her favorite TV show was on? That might explain the rush job......
     
  13. Esozh

    Esozh New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2012
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Midwest
    I like to use a bullet vibe on her clit while I go down on her, often actually using the vibe more on my tongue while licking her clit than on the clit itself. Always works. Also, I we use vibrating nipple clamps and will use the bullet inside while giving oral. She always responds well to this.