Did I overstep my bounds?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by jaguar, May 25, 2007.

  1. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    Sorry this is so long! Thanks for bearing with me.
    I mostly work out in the field but everyday I have made it a point to visit with the office girl (half my age) before I call it a day. We have a close relationship with hugging and joking. I am always playing practical jokes on her constantly! Mostly sexual jokes but never crossing the line. I can’t remember the tv show, but the little man who always said, The plane! The Plane! Well hers is, The Line! The Line! Ha-ha. We have been pretty much doing this for a solid 6 months now. The other day she tells me she is dating a guy and really likes him (35 years old, she is 24). For some reason I completely shut down, felt like my heart was ripped out and betrayed! I just got pissed and said I don’t want to hear anymore and don’t even talk to me! And stormed out! Man! What the hell is wrong with me I asked? She was really hurt by my actions and wanted to talk (what is up with you). I battled with this all day and night, what the hell! Could not figure out why I got so pissed. The next day after work we had a long talk about my feelings. I told her I though there was no other explanation except I must have fallen in love with her. Then it came to me why! I was not actually in love, I just had a fear. This was buried so deep it took awhile for it to expose itself. I explained.
    I had this exact same relationship with a girl her age when I was 37. I mean exactly the same even with the same time frame working together. Then she got a “Boyfriend”! One day at work he cornered me and said we need to talk. I am Sarah’s boyfriend now! I don’t want you touching her! I don’t want you hugging her! I don’t want you kissing her! I don’t want you even working with her! Or we will have problems! What the hell! The next day I talked to her, what’s up with that? She said he is very jealous of our relationship and very processional. He does not want me even talking to you and wants me to change shifts. I really like him! He is so good to me! I am so sorry! I want to stay with him! I was deeply hurt, she did change shifts and I never talked to her again. I have a fear of boyfriends and of losing you. I felt this happening all over again!
    Her reaction to all this was very interesting. She said, I’m going to tell you something I have never said before. I love you! And adore you! If he ever tried to become between us, I will say, see ya! I don’t want you change! Please! I don’t want “us” to change a thing!
    I felt such a strong bond with her at that moment! I have never had someone care so much and want to keep a friendship like this going, even with all the sexual harassment! Haha.
    So I did something today that I have never done. I am having a single Yellow rose sent to her place of work. I instructed the delivery hours when she should be alone in the office during lunch. If you know the color meaning of roses, the Yellow represents friendship. It is pure yellow, not yellow with the red top. The red topped yellow means friendship with the red topped meaning falling in love. I enclosed this note, and was wondering if this would be crossing the line? I hope not.
    P.S. for you are not confused at the end, we have nick names for each other. She is Little Red Riding Hood, and I’m the Big Bad Wolf. Haha. What do you think?
    Thanks for listening

    Humans search their whole life for a friendship they can place
    deep into their heart forever, and lasting throughout eternity.
    Their quest of this relationship must reflect one of nature’s miracles.
    “The Perfect Yellow Rose”, but sadly is never found for most.
    I must be the luckiest person on Earth!
    My quest is over, I found you.
    When I look at this Rose, it reflects what you mean to me.
    Pure beauty in heart mind soul and spirit.
    Perfect in every way
    Thank you for your love and caring, it means more to me than you know.
    You are planted in my heart forever Little Red!
     
  2. LaVitaDolce

    LaVitaDolce New Member

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    I don't think you crossed the line.. I would love it if someone sent me a rose. :) I'm guessing it just brings back old memories for you, and I can understand where you are coming from.
     
  3. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    Thank you LaVitaDolce. I see we are both Cancers! We think alike, and do place our feelings deep in our heart. Thank you for understanding me.
     
  4. heelfetish

    Gold Member

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    For once I actually read a long post here! :eek

    Jaguar, as you two discussed the issue beforehand and came to an understanding of friendship, I do not feel you crossed any lines. However, you have to be true to the both of you. Are you 100% absolutely positive that friendship is all you're looking for?

    Either way, it sounds like you have a true and good friend in her. Treasure that friendship, and do your very best not to drive her away. But at the same time, your friendship with her should not interfere with her romantic relationships. If she asks for some space, be a friend and give it to her. Smothering her at that point would be very selfish.

    Best of luck to you both! You sound like a very sweet & caring guy, rare traits these days, it seems.
     
    #4 heelfetish, May 25, 2007
    Last edited: May 28, 2007
  5. LaVitaDolce

    LaVitaDolce New Member

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    Your welcome. :) You are definately right about our feelings. Whether they are friends or more I care alot about them. Especially when I fall for a guy. It takes a while to happen, but when it does I fall hard.
     
  6. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    Since she seemed to make it clear that she cares for you i don't feel you crossed a line. But you do need to be sure that friendship is all you want, hoping for more may complicate things between you.
    Just out of curiosity why do you feel like it may be crossing the line? Are you worried about how she will view it, or maybe how her boyfriend will?
     
  7. HouseHunny

    HouseHunny New Member

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    I'm a cancer too:eyes

    Now that being said, here is my two cents:) I think that what you are feeling is beautiful and when we are charged with these great feelings, we want to embrace them...well, because they feel so good. However, I also think that (by reading your response on another thread) you have lost that emotional connection with your current partner. After that spark is lost, it is not uncommon for this kind of thing to happen. How would your wife feel or react to this if she were to know? I think you miss this kind of beautiful connection in your life and have found it in someone else besides your partner..... Yes, your poem was lovely, and I would have been completely flattered if someone did that for me. At the same time, I don't think you should lose the sight of your reality, that maybe you should be writing beautiful poetry for your wife too maybe try rediscovering why you both got together in the first place. Do you do these kinds of sweet things for your wife too?
     
  8. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    No, just sending something to a place of work kind of bothers me. I know she enjoyed the gift as I got a text from her saying: You know u r the best right. Also if I was the boyfriend, I might think this could be crossing the line, and there we go, maybe he could become jealous of our relationship.



    You make some very good points in your reply. Yes, I kind of have lost my spark in my marriage and enjoy all the fun with this girl at work. I did not tell my wife as I know this would probably hurt her. I have told my wife about a few jokes with her, and she got very jealous and said, I don't know if I like this girl, ha. I basically have stopped telling her anything that relates to this girl at work. Yes, I do send my wife flowers, candy, thinking of you kind of stuff all the time. I do love my wife, just need to put my priorities in order. Thank you all so much for the reply s, it does help me direct my feelings in the "right direction". This is why I joined this SF, the people here offer Great advice!