[Ask a Guy] Desire for Children

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by pbs, Dec 16, 2011.

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How do you feel about having children?

  1. No desire to have a child

    4 vote(s)
    33.3%
  2. Would agree to have one, but only please my spouse

    2 vote(s)
    16.7%
  3. Strong desire to have children, regardless of spouses desires

    6 vote(s)
    50.0%
  1. pbs

    pbs
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    How many guys here would have children if their spouses had no preference? I had one child with my first wife, but only because she wanted one, and I wanted to please her. My second wife and I discussed it, but knowing that I had no desire, and because she knew that a child would probably come between us, we decided not to have any.

    So my question is this: What are guys feelings toward having children?
     
  2. boobjob

    Verified Gold Member

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    It was and continues to be the greatest thing I have done in my life. I am so proud of my two boys that I could go on for ever ( but I wont). They are my best friends and our relationship continues to deepen as they grow. I think family is the most important thing anyone can do. Also Conceiving them was the best sex I ever had. I am a manof faith so I felt very good about having sex the way God meant it to be, for procreation. It is absolutely amazing to come inside your wife knowing that you are creating new life.
     
  3. Moofafa

    Moofafa New Member

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    My wife and I both wanted one. Holding my son for the first time was the most sublime experience in my life. I still have the same feeling twenty-two years later.
     
  4. Trond

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    Holy shit, for a moment I thought this would be a nasty thread indeed (title of thread can be read in various ways, given that this is a sexual forum). You scared me man. :lol

    Anyway, my wife does not want kids. I am more for it, but I am not panicking about it either, so I think it's a no for us. Kids can be really cute and all that, but they're a major commitment too. Maybe we'll adopt later, who knows?
     
  5. cbrmale

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    When I was younger I was ambivalent, but my wife wanted children so we had two. In our case my wife had a lot of experience with children already, so raising them was not a major chore, although it is a massive financial burden. Now they are grown up I realise the many benefits more, such as going to visit my son for Christmas (whereas Christmas at home with two is pretty dull).

    However not many women have my wife's experience with children, and therefore raising children becomes a major burden at best, and possibly enough to end to relationship at worst (no time, no romance, no sex, etc).

    I wouldn't want to be childless now, but we did sacrifice a lot, hundreds of thousands, but fortunately our children never came between us. Overall, I think it's a tough call.
     
  6. lbushwalker

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    Been there done that; no lasting regret but would never repeat.
    Kids became my wife's sole reason to be; I got left out of the equation (totally eventually).
    Great young adults emerged but now the nesting resident is single.
    Ladies beware, care about your man even when kids tug at the apron strings ok?
     
  7. wht1zzfe

    wht1zzfe New Member

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    Maybe someday. No way I would have kids until I am financially stable and long done with school. I think I would adopt if it were possible.
     
  8. Priapus

    Priapus New Member

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    I voted "no desire to have kids", but should elaborate.

    We are by no means planning or trying right now, I actually have use condoms to prevent it.

    We would like at least one child but financially things would be extremely difficult, so we decided no, for now atleast.

    Now I know some people say that you're never fully ready, and not to worry, things will be fine. But I do not see it this way.

    Until I can give a child everything than I will not even think about it.

    Example... If we were to go to an adoption agency we would most likely be denied due to financial status, not because we would make bad parents. We are always told that we would be great parents, but good,great parents isnt godd enough without good finances.

    It really sucks and I am positive that we will one day regret it not having children but until I can support us alone and have my wife be a stay at home mom untill the lil one goes to school full time then its prob not going to happen. Daycare alone after matt leave would kill us
     
  9. pbs

    pbs
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    Good point, and I think this is a major consideration for guys before fulfilling their wives' maternal desires.
     
  10. Lifter

    Lifter New Member

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    Have no desire to have kids (for a variety of reasons) and wife feels the same. Been married for over 6 years.
     
  11. backcheck64

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    At first we didn't want kids, we were running all of the time, concerts, parties, etc. We were married 9 yrs before we decided to have ONE...our daughter was a broken condom but wouldn't trade her for anything..most of the time LOL. Best thing we ever did. Both kids are litterally at the top of their classes, both ranked #1. Both play A level hockey, both standout goalies, both play lacrosse..son is on the Select team, daughter plays cello in the school orchestra, teachers gush over them.

    Like I said, best thing we've done.
     
  12. Priapus

    Priapus New Member

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    Us aswell
     
  13. cbrmale

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    Backcheck,
    There is more to having children than them being top of the class, playing sports, etc. Number one is being healthy, and my wife works in disability services and comes across a lot of adults who were born intellectually disabled, and it's truly tragic. Equal number one is being happy: raised in a loving environment, good friends, satisified at school, university or work.

    Your children are a lot younger than mine, and they have a long way to go before their potential is realised. For true success, the most important attributes are perserverance and a positive outlook, especially at university level.

    I do understand the points of view of those who don't want children, but I recently had a Christmas function with former work mates, and one who never had children (but has a whole lot of 'toys'). He asked us what we're doing over Christmas and I said we're going to Sydney to have Christmas with our son who lives there, and he gave me this startled look, because he can't do that and never will be able to.

    I think the answer for men is to marry a woman who can cope with child rearing and have enough left over to love their husband, and who doesn't transfer her love from partner to child (which seems to be a common happening in our society). Maybe marry an African like I did (from Africa that is), and other cultures also have the equation better worked out too (Backcheck, your wife has a different cultural background, I think I remember reading?).
     
  14. Lifter

    Lifter New Member

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    My biggest reason for not wanting kids is because of my parents. I can not think of two other people in this world who should not have gotten married and damn sure shouldn't have had kids.
     
  15. pbs

    pbs
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    Interesting observation - I kind of feel the same way about my parents. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt however, because I never knew what kind of relationship they might have had before it got all fucked up. As was stated before here, kids can screw up a marriage, and I had a narcissistic and sadistic older brother, who made life a living Hell for parents and sibling alike, so who knows :eyes
     
  16. backcheck64

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    While our kids have a ways to go, they are at the top of their game right now. My son could already get into college at age 12 with his ACTs scores, my daughter takes hers at age 13 next month. I understand about the long term but they are the ones pushing themselves with grades, sports, music, etc...we are just here to give them the opportunity to excell. They are both very healthy and athletic. One factor of when we had kids was...she wasn't getting any younger. The chances for birth defects rises dramaticly as a woman hits her middle thirties. My wife was 30 when we had our first, 32 our second. A woman is born with a set amount of eggs and the clock is ticking from birth. Eggs are only viable for so long, men are always producing fresh semen.
    Every parent teacher meeting we go to is nothing but praise, both being excellent students, exceptionally high functioning, respectful, helpful, compassionate.....don't know why we go to every one.

    One thing, my wife and I put our relationship above all. Our kids mean everything, but it's all built on our relationship. What's sad is the teachers being surprised we all have the same last name. No combined family or anything, just 24yrs of solid marriage.
     
    #16 backcheck64, Dec 17, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2011
  17. Black_Magic83

    Black_Magic83 Member

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    Never really had the desire to have children, I have seen so many times how they get in between a couple, affecting a relationship.

    HERE IS A TYPICAL SCENARIO: The mother is too tired, the father wants sex.. then maybe he will get it elsewhere because the mother is too busy running around after the kids and too oblivious to notice that she is not doing her 'wifely duties' I know it is not just men that have affairs, maybe the mother can lose her identity because she is too consumed with being a mother, she has no time for herself and let's her self go. Maybe a guy will notice her and make her feel attractive again, especially if the father is not hands-on enough.

    We have a great relationship, great sex life, luckily both of us do not have the desire to have children.

    SOmone on this forum said the cliche "You will change your mind later" Then weeks later, I saw this same person post on this forum that his wife has lost interest in sex and low and behold, there are children in the household! I am 29 and if I wanted children, I would have had them by now.
     
    #17 Black_Magic83, Dec 17, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2011
  18. Lifter

    Lifter New Member

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    Totally agree with your statements and my wife feels the same way.
    My wife is 29 and I'm fixing to turn 29 shortly.