Defining your confidence through sex?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Yamira87, Jan 20, 2015.

  1. Yamira87

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    I have the problem, that I'm pretty insecure in real life. I doubt myself a lot (every aspect of my life). If a guy wants to have sex with me, I somehow almost can't believe it... But it helps me feeling confident and some kind of worth in that moment.

    So it happens that my goal when I go out or go on holiday mainly is, to find guys who wants to fuck me. And so far it worked a lot of times.

    I'm not here now for fishing for compliments but I'm not sure, if it's healthy that I prefer compliments about my looks or my ability to give blow jobs more than being complimented for being a nice smart girl.

    After one night stands i feel really depressed cause I miss the person so much, even though i dont know him really well. If there's a night Where nobody is interested in me, I spend the next days comparing myself to other girls, looking for what is wrong with me...

    So maybe some of you think that i should try and relationship instead of fucking around but I'm just not into that. I don't believe in long term relationships (besides that I never was able to get a guy fall in love with me)...

    So is there someone having the same problem? Maybe it's a common problem and I just don't know it ;)
     
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  2. scar69

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    Common sense should tell you that ability to get laid has nothing to do with attractiveness, some of the ugliest girls I know have had the most partners. The harder something is to get the more desirable it is, so save yourself for marriage and cut down on your risk of getting an std.
     
  3. Yamira87

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    Oh I don't ever want to marry. I just can't believe that something is made to last forever.

    Besides, I like the excitement and the nervous feeling that comes with meeting new guys.
     
  4. scar69

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    In that case nvm but a guy wanting to fuck u doesn't mean he finds u attractive and my psychologist helped me work thru my insecurity issues
     
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  5. Yamira87

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    Hm... Why would you fuck someone who you don't think is attractive?
     
  6. 10_3XL

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    I don't think that there's anything wrong with not wanting to be married or in a long-term relationship. If that is not "where you are" personally then don't force the issue - let it come (or not) as it will.

    There is definitely a big ego/confidence boost that coincides with being able to go out and pick up a new person every time. It validates for you that you truly are desirable to many people.

    I think the only real issue I see in your initial post is how you expressed you get more/are more focused on people viewing you as a desirable sexual object, rather than valuing you and desiring you as a full human-being. I think that is something that you should consider working on, as ultimately your value as a person (body, mind, and soul) is of far greater importance than simply your sexual desirability/proficiency. :confused:

    Again, don't be overly judgemental of yourself for not wanting a relationship beyond a quick hook-up. For some people that is genuinely all they want and/or need. If and when you are ready for a deeper connection than that you will know and work towards it, I'm sure. :)
     
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  7. lucky5338

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    I have just looked at your profile and cannot understand why you should feel insecure. You have a very pretty face and are very attractive as well as being sexually desireable. I am sure you will meet some nice people here. Come and join in the conversations . Personally I would l like to get to know you but you might a randy old goat like myself a bit boring LOL
     
  8. johnnyangel694u

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    When my wife was in college she said, she looked for acceptance through sex. She would fuck just about anything that would come along. She dated a nice guy that wined and dined her and she didn't really give him the time of day but would go to a party and fuck the brains out of a stranger. I don't understand that at all.
     
  9. HotForHoney

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    The same reason you are - to have sex/get laid. Feel good for a few minutes.
     
  10. Yamira87

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    Well I never fucked someone i wasn't attracted to...
     
  11. Magnus_Phallus

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    This seems like something much deeper than what
    can be adressed on an online forum such as this one.

    The greatest concern I can see for you is vulnerability.
    Choosing to be promiscuous as you have, exposes you
    to potentially wicked people who may not hesitate to
    take advantage of these insecurities in neferious ways.

    Is it healthy? as you get to feel "really depressed" then no its not.
    It's in your best interest to find ways to ameliorate your condition.
    In that context, scar69's suggestion of mental health professional
    help appears to me to be most apropriate given what you said.

    I would advise you, in the mean time, to not be so candid about
    insecurities that may be targeted by people you dont really know well.
     
  12. scar69

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    You are not a guy, and most of them will fuck anything. That's y ugly bitches get so much dick, theyre easier.
     
  13. lucky5338

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    I hope I may be permitted to gently take issue with this. Yes guys get horny but I don't really
    believe that we all go around trying to bed every woman in sight. There has to be attraction of some kind for both parties and it is not always whether the person is ugly or not. There is so much beauty in a nice smile or a pleasing conversation which can initiate an encounter.
     
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  14. scar69

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    idk how old you are but maybe I should have specified YOUNGER guys. they're way less picky about who they fuck, which again is why ugly, nasty skanks with no attractive qualities can get laid. I know this stupid drug addict whore who's one of the most physically unattractive ppl I've ever seen, dumb as rock and she's been with hundreds of guys. not all of them will admit to fucking her but I know more than a few who did lol. think I made my point.
     
  15. 10_3XL

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    No, I'm sorry scar69 - but I'm gonna have to again disprove your theory.
    Lucky5338 may be of the older generation, but I most definitely am not. I'm 24 and neither me or any of my friends, acquaintances, and associates in the same age group will just go out and have sex with anyone who offers it up. There does have to be an attraction or ulterior motive of some sort.
     
  16. Alwayslearningsex

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    I will go out on a limb with this one. Looks like you need to find yourself, love yourself, something in those lines.
    Sex should be good and fun, take care of urges sometimes ... or often .... rather than validate someone.
     
  17. cbrmale

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    I had somewhat of the same mindset when I was younger which is why I had so many one night stands. When I was about 23 my father died of cancer and that woke me up a bit and I started looking for a long-term relationship some months after that. I was engaged about two months later and married several months after that, and still married. I know a woman a few years older than me and she had a one-night stand past too, again due to lack of self-confidence, and like me she doens't regret it. I look back now and think that I could have had a long-term relationship, but one night stands are exciting and a give you great nervous, edgy feelings. Really I'm glad I did what I did.

    This is not so uncommon and a relationship will happen when it's time for it to happen.
     
  18. backcheck64

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    Gotta agree for the most part. I'm one of the few that is hyper picky about appearance. I have a number of friends that would go out "hogging". The challenge was who could sleep with the ugliest, largest woman. I could never do it. I knew a bunch that as long as she's put out, they didn't care what she looked like. I see a bunch of married couples and wonder how the hell could he fuck her, but remember, I'm superficial, she has to be thin fit, blonde, blue eyes, and intelligent. The intelligent part didn't come in till I was seriously dating though. In my younger years, she just had to be smoking hot.

    As far as the marriage part, I thought that way when I was young... married 27 yrs now. You just haven't met "that" person.