Define "initiating"

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by dtjordan, Mar 25, 2014.

  1. dtjordan

    dtjordan Member

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    For years, my wife and I have argued about who "initiates". I know it sounds stupid. Our sex life is good, but we haven't been able to get past this divide. We have differing opinions on what "initiating" is and should be. It's tough.

    I would love it if she were aggressive in her "initiation". I know that might be asking a lot And I have asked/explained that to her several times. I tend to be flirty and grabby, but not the kind to just take her, which is my fault. It's something we are working on.

    So I ask you, what is your definition of "initiating"?
     
  2. Meee

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    Forget about the words--think about actions. "Aggressive" and "initiating" are abstract words. They don't give her anything to work with. What do you want her to do? Be specific. Instruct her step by step. Act it out. Set an example. Teach by doing.
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    Ok, when she goes to grab my package or other times she will grab my ass or if I am naked go to shove a digit into my what's it; that I consider pretty obviously initiating.
    Other time she is less direct, like a cat purring and rubbing itself against me that is more subtle but still arousing therefore initiating as well.
    My initiating tends to be quite forceful; just grab her pony tail and haul her off to bed caveman style without the club but instead a big protruding stick :)
     
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  4. JonJo

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    This is another of those almost impossible questions to answer - when does 'initiation' start to take place; hours before when one just starts to feel 'in the mood', or when one is definitely 'in the mood'.
    Initiation also implies that a process has started leading to a completion - I would rather, as it is hopefully leading to mutual pleasure, think of it as an 'invitation to a party'.
    'Initiation' can vary from time to time, from mood to mood, on either partner's side.
    I do not think that there can be, or should be, any set routine. Variety is life, routine is boredom.
    As Ibush... says the female 'approach' can vary from the gentle to the physical, to the verbal, even a look in the eyes or an expression on the face - the male just has learn to pick-up on them. I even had a partner who gave off a 'mating scent' (don't forget those pheromones, they can be strong with some) when she was 'in the mood'.
    The male initiation sign I would think would be obvious but how he uses his signal flag can and should vary - from the gentle pressing against, letting her know 'it' is there, to the outright display of his 'need'.
    Along with the acceptance that either one has the right to start 'initiation' must come the acceptance that either one has the right to not accept the 'invitation'.
     
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