Decision time

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Amature, May 29, 2016.

  1. Amature

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    i was in an unhappy, sexually unfulfilling marriage for 30+ years. After my wife passed away suddenly, I dated a little bit and met my current wife. I have no complaints with our sex life, at least on her part. I love her with all my heart........I feel like I found my soul mate.......in the bedroom. The rest of the time I am so pissed off and angry I don't know what to do. I know how very lucky I am that she accepts my shortcomings and disabilities. I am so lucky to have her in my life. And then 15 minutes later I'm wishing I was alone. Or dead. These extreme mood swings are killing me, and I know I'm no joy for her to live with either. She deserves better. Her constant complaining about every little thing is just so upsetting. For example, she left to go to town today. She let me know she was on her way home. I fixed supper and had it ready to put in the oven an hour before she was due home. Just as she comes in the house, the timer goes off and supper is ready. And she starts complaining. I had cooked too much meatloaf. Although we can have a quick lunch after she gets home from church tomorrow with the left overs. The baked potatoes weren't done enough to suit her, although two minutes in the microwave would have finished them. And she doesn't really like green beans. I'm sure the milkshake she bought on the way home may have made a difference.

    There is no talking to her. Every time I try she interrupts me, or changes the subject. I know we are together way, way to much. But we don't have any options. If I try and leave the house, all I hear is complaining about how much she had to do, by herself, while I was goofing off.

    I'm sorry for rambling on. I am seriously considering asking for a divorce. It will devastate her, and be my biggest mistake. But I feel like I am at my breaking point every day, all day long. I feel like I could break down and cry forever.
     
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  2. TheCaramelLady

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    She is not listening to you? Are you able to talk at all? Any chance that you two can see a counselor?

    You say your are lucky that she accepts your shortcomings? She should also feel lucky that someone cherishes her. If you don't both feel lucky there is a problem.

    I strongly encourage you two to see a counselor.

    One more thought, you deserve to be happy. I don't think you get that. You deserve to be happy.
     
  3. SexyFantasyGirl

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    sorry to hear about your troubles,seeing a counselor is a good idea,you guys need someone you can both talk to and try to work you problems out.
    but only you or her can decide when you think it's really over.
    I hope things work out for you both
     
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  4. Amature

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    I think she hears what she wants to hear.

    I've thought about counseling, but where we live there aren't many choices. But I will suggest it.

    I really don't know if I've ever been happy in my life. Perhaps for short periods of time I suppose.

    She tells me all the time how much she appreciates and loves me. And how good I treat her.

    Truthfully, the more I discus this, the more I question my mental state. Don't worry, I would never physically hurt her or anyone else though. I just feel like I am under so much pressure from everyone in my life that I love. And I am blaming my wife for most of it I'm afraid.
     
  5. Invigorated

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    Keep a diary. Open it so it's on a double page. Each day do this and write all the positive stuff on the left hand page and the negative stuff on the right hand page. This will capture the way things are/the way you feel. Then a counsellor has something to work with or you can use it when you broach it with your wife. It may well end in divorce but better for both of you to live your lives than for at least one of you to be so unhappy.

    Good luck
     
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  6. Sweetlysad

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    Sit down and talk to her, find out what is going on. Explain how you are feeling, ask if being married is still something she wants.
    If she wishes to continue, I think you need counseling.
    Best of luck I hope it all works out for you.
     
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  7. Candela

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    I am detecting a lot of depression in yourself..Why are you so angry??..Maybe the passing of your other wife is still mourning you,30+ years is a long time and may take the rest of your life to get over...Bickering with your new wife does'nt make it any easier..Her bickering at you for silly reasons doesn't make sense. I think it may be you who needs some help as I feel you may have gotten into a new relationship that you were not ready for.Nobody deserves to be unhappy or abused in any way.You must feel good about yourself before anything in your life will change..God Bless you and good luck xo.
     
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  8. Amature

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    Thank you all for your replies and suggestions. I do think counseling is in order. And the idea for a notebook is great!

    @Candela, I lay awake for a long time last night and arrived at the same conclusion. Most of our problem is in fact ME! There is a reason my first wife had our problems. There is a reason my wife and I are having problems. There is a reason I have very few friends. And the one thing they all have in common is ME! Now, on the friend thing, at 57 years a lot of my friends have passed. And then the people I worked with and saw every day live a long ways from me and I'm retired so that matters. I am very fortunate that I do have very good friends that would do anything for me that I asked. As I have them when I could.

    The little things my wife says and does that normally wouldn't mean anything, I take offense to. We talked last night, and again this morning. It seems I'm pretty agreeable in the morning and along about 6:00 I am a horses ass. I'm very upset with myself today. I apologized again, from the bottom of my heart to her for the way I treat her. I want to make it clear I HAVE NEVER HIT HER! Most of the time when I get angry I stop talking and hold it in, until I explode. At that point, I don't care what I say, I'm MAD!

    I have talked to my doctor. And I am going to have to again. These extreme mood swings are killing me. I do have a lot of anger issues. We are 57 years old babysitting a premie baby that is now about ten months old. Normally 12 hours a day, five days a week. We live with the baby, my daughter, and her husband. So when they are home, we don't really get a break even then. And on top of that, he hates my wife and I, and we have no use for him. And he's a pathological liar on top of that.

    I'm diabetic. Normal blood sugars run between 80 and 120. Mine have been 380 to 400 the last several weeks. My doctor put me on an anti-depressant which also helps with severe nerve damage in my legs (leg pain is why I can barely walk). Thinking the pill might be what was messing with my blood sugar, I quit taking it last Tuesday. A felt so strange the last few days. I took one yesterday evening again and I'm much better today. At least better than last night when I wrote the original post. And couldn't delete.

    I don't want a divorce. My wife left her job, her family, her friends, and her church friends to move 100 miles to be with me. I know she loves me, as I do her. I don't think I'd be happier without her, or with someone else that would either. I am going to have to work on making myself happy, and those around me happy.

    I really do appreciate all of your input. It's funny what a few hours sleep can do for a persons outlook. This has been a long post, but I feel as if you are going to ask for help, you about have to give some details. And my life is pretty complicated I guess. LOL. . I do feel as though I moved forward with my life after loosing my first wife. I was wrong to do so. But, we had been missing something a long, long time before she died.
     
  9. Candela

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    I have tears for you!,I am also praying for you,You need to be happy with yourself before anything in front of you will make sense...Looking at others flaws only adds to the misery you are going through,..Embrace the love from your wife,I am sure she is quietly crying tears of despair for you..Get you and your wife out of the situation you are in.Your health means more then anything!!...They have anger management courses but seeing the problem from others eyes will make them resent you .Don't sweat the small stuff as most times there isn't anything you can do to change it. Extreme mood swings can be very dangerous and can be helped with medication.Maybe you have some disorder that is causing this,Having a grandchild should be the happiest time of your life..You must remember you daughter and husband are needing help and you and your wife are doing so because you love them. .Don't push them away as my father done to me and my mother,That will only add to your heartbreak and leave you alone when your time comes.Embrace what family you do have before its too late..Please get help as soon as possible..Lots of love to you xo
     
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  10. Amature

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    Thank you @Candela. You don't know how much you and everyone else's support mean to me.
     
  11. sensless

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    I think many of us know how it feels. I'm going through very, very difficult times right now and my mind is full of doubt, worries and fears.

    When there's something hurting, sometimes we're overwhelmed by a desire to just run away. At such times, we may mix up things in our minds and think we want to run away from the wrong person, from the wrong things. I mean to say we end up wanting away from people we actually need and love being with.

    There's no easy solution to your problem, as there's no easy solution to mine.

    Keep writing, because that's kind of a therapy. Sometimes sharing what's in our mind makes a huge difference.

    Hugs.
     
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  12. Amature

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    Thank you @sensless. Things have improved a lot this week for me (us). There were so many times I wish I could have just drove away and never looked back. But I know I can't do that.

    I hope things get better for you too!
     
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