Dealing with PTSD

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Barbwire, Apr 22, 2012.

  1. Barbwire

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    Due to having a very traumatic childhood, I developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. It wasn't diagnosed until last year so I am just now coming to terms with it and trying to normalize my life as much as possible to overcome it's symptoms.

    One of my greatest challenges has been how I react during sexual situations where I am not in total control. It is very hard for me to relax and just sit back while my husband does things to me like, eating me, sucking my breasts or fingering me.

    I am in a near constant state of fight or flight. As a child when I could not flee a traumatic situation, I used my might to escape to a safe place. I would leave my body behind to fend for itself and take my mind elsewhere until it was safe to come back.

    I find that I am doing the same thing as an adult but not only in stressful situations; it happens at other times as well. A great deal of the time, my mind goes elsewhere during sex, especially when I'm being eaten. This makes it terribly hard to orgasm.

    Anyone else dealing with PTSD out there in SF? Got any pointers for me?
     
    #1 Barbwire, Apr 22, 2012
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2012
  2. somhairle

    somhairle Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear that, Barbwire. I can't offer any help.......... Or at least in your circs, I am reluctant to try. But did want to empathise with you. Sex can be a challenge for many of us at times, as well as a pleasure, but your problem must be very difficult.

    Hope you get some decent advice.
     
  3. Barbwire

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    Thank you, hon. I appreciate it.
     
  4. igor

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    You are doing the right thing by seeking professional help. And I assume you have told the hubs about this which should help also. No one can appreciate what that kind of problem can be unless they have dealt with it themselves. You are doing the right things and it can only get better from here. My best wishes for you hon!
     
  5. Barbwire

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    Thank you for the good wishes and pep talk. Igor. ((hugs))

     
  6. boobjob

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    Good luck. I will say aprayer for you.
     
  7. Trond

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    Sounds like you have been through a horrible situation. I hope you are able to handle it somehow (I am sure you can).

    My wife experienced at least one episode of abuse as a child. I sometimes wonder if this is why she's a bit uptight and having problems with orgasms.
     
  8. Barbwire

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    Thanks for the support, fellas.

    I hope that someone can offer me some advice as well as support. I am seeing a therapist to try to help cope but, it would be nice to hear from some lay people and maybe get some help that way as well.
     
  9. RideNaked2

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    BW, I also suffer from PTSD. I feel for you! When I met T, I was determined not to let the past abuse issues get in my way of our relationship...easier said than done. He was great in that he understood PTSD, he went to a few counseling sessions with me and we talk about everything. Sometimes when it affected me during sex, I would take my mind to a safe place...sometimes it was a place of fantasy. T was always involved in the fantasy but it helped a great deal...also up until the past 6-12 months I very seldom would orgasm unless I was using my "bob". Either during sex or just me playing, couldn't do it. As I have been exploring my sexual "being" as well as my curiousness I have become able to let go easier. It took a lot of years, along with a huge amount of trust. Even after 10 years of being with T, I sometimes "slip" back into my old self and I hate it! I truly takes away from pleasure!

    Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more. Good luck!!!
     
  10. Barbwire

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    Thank you, RN, for your reply. It's nice to know that someone here understands what I'm going through.
     
  11. RideNaked2

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    :)
    It is nice to know you are not alone.
     
  12. routabout

    routabout New Member

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    I got diagnosed with PTSD after serving two tours of Iraq & one in Afghanistan.

    It was due to firstly my age in Afghan (19) and the fact that in my first convoy in a foreign country I must have fired 2000 rounds.

    Since I left the army I have gone through bouts of depression where I take to watching porn, masturbating or drinking a lot.

    My misses at times thinks I am just a perv as she does not know most of what happened in Afghan or Iraq as I didn't want to inflict her with some of what I saw.

    Recently I have sat and comtemplated everything that happened, why it happened and if there is anything I could do to stop it.

    I have quit smoking, cut down on drinking and go to the gym more.

    I don't think anything will take away the past memories BUT with the rich frame of mind we can learn to work through them.

    I really feel for you and your situation, this is one of the reasons I work offshore as it gives me some quiet time.

    I hope everything works out for you.
     
  13. pbs

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    Barbwire,

    Sorry to hear about your past misfortune, and hope it was not too severe. I've heard it said that we are all broken in one way or another, and we are never really free of the experience, we just learn how to live with it - I was abused physically and emotionally by an older sibling.

    Maybe this will help: We all have emotional reactions to various stimuli, and there is little we can do to stop having them. But, how we respond to them is what we can control. A common feeling is one of guilt in many situations, and many of us are taught to feel it when we are young. I still feel it for an instant when something goes wrong, but have learned to quickly realize that it's only a "knee jerk" reaction, think for a few seconds, and respond in a rational manner rather than letting it control my reactions. I think your early means of avoidance of the trauma you experienced is a common one, and may be familiar to your counselor - good for you for taking it on.

    From your posts on the forum, I think you are a strong and confident woman, but have been wounded deeply. As I learned to channel my reactions to my emotions with rational thought, it became easier and easier, and now most have been relegated to fleeting memories, much like bad dreams.
     
  14. Barbwire

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    I am touched by the replies to this thread. Thank you all for sharing.

    I'm feeling overwhelmed due to being recently triggered so can't really focus enough to say much right now. Just know that I am trying to relax my trembling inner child and digest what's been written.
     
  15. Berend

    Berend New Member

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    I've dealt with chronic pain for many years, particularly migraines. In recent years I have started having seizures related to this (long story). I see a visual aura before an event, and I have had more than one panic attack relating to this, knowing what's coming. A lot of this is under more control due to meds, but that feeling that grips my heart when I start to have the aura sometimes still overwhelms me.

    The greatest thing (outside my faith), has been my husband. He is my strength and shield, the arms that hold me, the voice that calms me.

    In amongst all the verbal banter that fills most of your posts on this website, I see a strong woman who is loved and will persevere. Prayers for you from Texas.
     
  16. Tuffty

    Tuffty New Member

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    Hi Barb
    Like you i am very impressed by the ladies and gents here sharing their concern and showing their support for you. I think Barb it shows how popular you are on the site and i understand fully that that is overwhelming you. Take your time and be happy at the friends here that are willing to give their support to you, myself included you write some mean horny stories :)) .

    I do not suffer from PTSD but my daughter who is 21 does along with depression and god knows what else. She was groomed online when she was young and then it went down hill from there. Suiside bids , self harm , mood swings the works. That was from the age of 12 to now as she still suffers set backs now at 21.
    She is now in the last year of her degree studying to be a Mental health nurse. She was sectioned when she was 15 for about 3 months she had more doctors than i can possibly remember trying to help her and all to no avail. We spent years of hell trying to get her on the right track but in the end it was her who was the only person that could get thru it.
    She also met a very very good councellor who spent alot of time helping her to understand how to cope with her troubles. In the end it was education and the help of good people and an endless supply of love that brought her through , and thats what you need Barb in my humble opinion.
    You need to get a good professional who you can relate to and feel comfortable with .....and that is very very very important ?
    Don't just think becuase they are doc's that they know better than you ? they are human like you and they may want to help but if you don't trust or feel comfy with them move on until you find that one who clicks with you.
    There are many many ways to get help, every case is different and every case takes time and alot of effort. I spent alot of time and heartache trying to get my daughter sorted out and in the end it was her who had to connect with someone and then work like hell to understand and deal with her own emotions and understand how and why they work as they do ?
    It does not happen over night and it takes alot of strenght and bravery to cope and get to grips with the demons but it can be done. you come across here as a very strong minded lady and i'm sure you are but we all need a helping hand sometimes and thats nothing to be worried about. Get that person who you trust to help you and go from there. Also read up on it self education is another key to it but the work done with a good councellor can be invaluble to you . Goodluck gorgeous and just shout if you want to chat :)) oh and sorry for banging on here lol as you may have noticed i have felt the pain of seeing someone suffer like that and i know how hard it can be. My daughter always said to me .....no one understands....and it's true no one does.....it's a very personal and private thing ....and you speaking up here is very very brave and i think a first step to dealing with it .....ok i'll shut up now lol :)) chin up :))
     
  17. Alwayslearningsex

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    Hi Barb, sorry for that. The plus side is you know what you're dealing with now. The next thing is to find someone who knows how to help you.
    I went to presentations about people who have ./ had PTSD.
    What I remember is not to pretend it's not there, not trying to suppress it.
    Compare it to grief, you have to go through it to get better.

    I wish you the best in your recovery, for lack of a better word.
     
  18. Barbwire

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    Thanks again to the members that have replied with kindness and thoughtful insight.

    I've been in therapy for 8 months and have the basic tools to help me to avoid triggers and to cope with them when I can't. Now, having the tools and using them are two different things.

    It's very hard not to fall back on things I used to do that helped me avoid pain, conflict and anxiety...things like rage, overeating, pot, drink and risky behaviors.

    At least I don't think about offing myself anymore. :)
     
    #18 Barbwire, Apr 23, 2012
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2012
  19. igor

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    That's one thing I was afraid of a while ago hon. You sure weren't your old self.

    Been there myself so I know how it can go. ((((many hugs ))))
     
  20. malikinam

    malikinam New Member

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    i wouldnt say we have a routine as such but the above is a more regular way we start things.