Dealing with fear

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by TShins, Jan 10, 2008.

  1. TShins

    TShins New Member

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    Well, as I have said in previous posts, I'm leaving Country in a couple of days. I'll be gone for quite awhile, and now drama seems to be piling up.
    My girlfriend has a "stalker" who she's never met, who started via myspace, tracked down her friend and got her phone # and won't stop calling her to try and get her to cheat on me.

    In the same token, i'll be gone for a good amount of time and the fear of her cheating really has me going.

    I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice? Please help ease me down.
     
  2. Bluesy

    Gold Member

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    She needs to change her phone number, or screen her calls...or something. Is there a reason she hasn't taken measures to put a halt to the "stalking"?

    Has she ever given you reason to doubt her loyalty? If not, you simply have to take that leap of faith. If she's never behaved suspiciously, if she's been nothing but genuine and candid with you about her interactions with others, then you owe her your trust. Relationships can't survive without it.
     
  3. TShins

    TShins New Member

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    Well, she's been screening her calls, but she really can't get her # changed at this point and time (she has a family plan)

    There has only been one incident where she has made me doubt her, but I got over it. I just really don't want to go through being cheated on again, and its making me nervous in all honesty. I'm going to be away for quite awhile, and I really would like to see her when I come home.
     
  4. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    All it takes is a call to your phone co. and they can block his calls.

    Hiker
     
  5. slamd097

    slamd097 New Member

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    the night before you leave...beat his ass...then report..:D
     
  6. TShins

    TShins New Member

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    sounds like a plan slam.
     
  7. d3funkt3r

    d3funkt3r New Member

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    TShins, Thanks for defending our freedom by serving overseas. Stay safe.

    The trust/cheating and stalker problem are 2 separate issues.

    Trust can be a hard thing to recoup after it comes into question. Long distance relationships can be difficult. You may or may not be able to pick up where you left off when you return. You may not want to... Who knows at this point. Focus on the present, enjoy the time you have together, and worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. If she's the one for you, you can work it out when you need.

    Regarding the stalker, if the problem persists, as others have said, block the number. She can also tell Stalker she's recording his conversations and going to report him to the police. If it gets serious, have her file a restraining order. That should curb things rather quickly...

    Or, as slam suggested:

     
  8. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    I'll 2nd: Thanks for making sacrifices to protect our freedom!

    Ya know, if this guy is really stalker mentality, I'd say you should be much more worried about harm coming to your GF than being worried that she might cheat on you. Make sure she's safe first, if she needs you to do that for her.

    If someone is loyal, then they are going to be loyal regardless of just about any circumstance (up to their own human limits). If someone is looking to cheat, they'll find a way to cheat no matter what roadblocks you put in their way. (Does she have a history of loyalty or no? That should be a pretty good indication, although not always.) Stop worrying about it...it will be what it will be, and nothing you can do will change that. Emotionally prepare yourself for either outcome and be prepared to accept either one. Hope/wish/believe/whatever for the best, but be prepared for the worst just in case it happens.

    BD
     
  9. eighthalf

    eighthalf Member

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    You can contact the cellular company and they can place a block on that caller ID also they can inact a stalker phone number change that will not make her plan get messed up or cost more.

    Unless she wants the guy to keep calling her there are laws that do help in this situation now.
     
  10. Goldenlion

    Goldenlion Banned

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    Do you think your girlfriend would have sex with this guy ?
    I'd be freaked the fuck out if i was her so i wouldnt worry too much.

    You just need to find a way to stop this freak contacting your girlfriend.

    Good luck man.... These things are never easy.
     
  11. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    Not to make you worried but are you sure there is a real stalker? Let me explain what I mean. Unless your girlfriend has put all her real information on MySpace and not sanitized it a bit then it is takes a lot of persistance to track someone down. I suspect what has happened is it may have been a co-worker or someone else who knew you were leaving through a third party. From there they may have found her through MySpace or knew a friend of hers which led them to her. Once they found her they are trying to 'make a move' to fill you place once you leave. Is it possible she is stating it is a stalker in order not to worry you that you may not have a girlfriend once you return? Also is it possible this is her "passive - agressive" way of trying to keep you from leaving the country? If she cheats so what? She is not the only one that is right for you and maybe this is for the best.
     
  12. boringsafetyguy

    boringsafetyguy New Member

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    I have no advice. But that kind of paranoid anxiety has to be mind drainer. I can't imagine worrying my girlfriend could be so easily seduced just because someone is after her. You must have been hit pretty hard when it did happen before.
    Glad I'm not in your psychological boots. Good luck, though.