Dating-My situation

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Green Eyes, Jan 27, 2008.

  1. Green Eyes

    Green Eyes New Member

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    How has dating changed in the last ten years?

    A little background:
    I am recently divorced after a ten year marriage. I was 18 when we got together, so my dating experience was when I was a teenager. Lol. I started dating about 6 months ago and I met this really great guy a couple of months ago and have spent quite a bit of time with him. We have a lot in common and enjoy spending with each other. From the first time we started talking and when we met, there was this instant attraction, chemistry. But in a lot of ways I feel that this is going way too fast. He has already started talking about me moving 45 minutes away to live with him and having kids and everything. I have two kids and he has one. I would like to possibly have another child, but the way he is talking is that he would want me to have a baby in the next year or so. He is going to be 35 in a couple of months, and keeps saying he is getting old and how he is ready to settle down and have a family, so I assumed that it was due to him being older and knowing what he wants in his life. He tells me that we we're meant to be together and that we have a great connection and that will make us last forever.
    It is almost like this is to good to be true kind of thing.
    Has dating changed that much in the last ten years or what?
    I just didn't realize that this would or could happen this fast. Should I see where this goes or should I take a step back and slow things way down.

    Any advice that you could give me would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Let's think about this...


    ...rationally, shall we?

    Recently divorced. And you wanna jump back in?

    Dating for six months and you wanna stop?

    Been seeing this guy for a couple of months and that's long enough to know he's the one you wanna jump back into marriage with?

    You said; "But in a lot of ways I feel that this is going way too fast."

    To which I reply in a calm, nurturing, compassionate voice; No shit?

    You have two kids that need stability in their lives. Where is their father?
    You want them to have a step sibling? Now?
    You ready to be a step mom? Where is his kids' mom?

    You know God damn well you're going too fast and you said so. Trust your damn instincts, listen to yourself.

    Any time you need someone to put a foot in your ass, I'm usually available.
     
  3. Dreama

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    I think if you're uncomfortable with going too fast, you should slow down a bit. If your SO is as nurturing and kind as you say he is, he should be fine with slowing down. He's not that old, you know.
     
  4. Peregrine

    Peregrine New Member

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    Dating hasn't changed.
    Men have though. Look at Tony Randall. David Lettermen. Having kids well into their later years. So don't tell me he's 'getting old' at 35. Please.
    I wouldn't say you need to slow down, but do not move for this guy yet. That's crazy. Have you sat down and discussed your future? Money? Jobs? Bills? Kids? Living arrangement? School for the kids?
    I'm betting not.
     
  5. Green Eyes

    Green Eyes New Member

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    Oh LP I guess I need you to put your foot in my ass :lol

    That is the hard thing trying to decipher between my head and my heart.
    As for my kids, they live with me and they have a full-time relationship with there father. I would not have a problem with them having a step-sibling or with me being a step-mom. That has been my life, so I have no problem with that.

    I do know this is going too fast, but what makes it hard is that I have an older sister and a couple of friends my age and they only dated for a short time and knew that this was meant to be and they are happily married.

    So my point was to find out is dating just really overrated, or should I be really skeptical of this? I thought coming here would give me a lot more perspective into this.

    Thanks.
     
  6. Green Eyes

    Green Eyes New Member

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    Thanks Dreama,

    I know that he is not old, but he is saying that he is getting old and is ready to settle down and have a family life. I have explained to him that I would want to wait at least a year before we even talk about having kids, and he seems to be ok with that.

    I do feel like this is moving way too fast and that I really need to slow things down.

    Thanks for your input, I knew that I would get very open-minded views on this, so it is appreciated.
     
  7. Green Eyes

    Green Eyes New Member

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    Peregrine,

    I am not moving yet, I know that. We have sat down and talked about all of that fun stuff :ugh
    We are agreeing with everything for the most part, it is that he is ready for it all now and I don't know if I am(should take that as my sign I guess).

    Thanks for your response
     
  8. Dreama

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    He sounds pretty cool, then. Don't worry. As long as he's cool with letting things slow down a bit, he sounds like a pretty good guy. A year isn't a very long time at all.
     
  9. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    In all honesty I do think you are right things are moving too fast. For you to completely get over your divorce in theory it should take you somewhere between 1 to 2 years. Meaning during this time you should use it to reflect on what went well, what did not go well in your previous relationship, what you are wanting from a new relationship, and what if anything you can improve. Sometimes after a divorce people seek out relationships to fill a 'void' that has been created by being alone and seek out people to fill it for them.

    Based on your posting you seem to know what you want and need from a relationship. The impression that you leave me, based on your posting, is that the two of you are at two different points in your lives. He is looking for a stable long-term relationship and you are just coming out of a marriage. It seems at least for you the need that you have is to take things slower and not to rush it. Whereas he is at the point he is wanting more. This leaves you with one of two options. First option is to sit down with him and explain you are not ready for what he wants. The reason for you not being ready has nothing to do whth him. Instead it has to do with the fact you are recently divorced and need things to be slower. Other option, is to end the relationship and continue dating.