Cyber Relationship?Could I?Should I?Advice?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by HerHubby, Jul 27, 2006.

  1. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    I have been married for 28 years now. My wife and I have a good marriage and have always been faithful to each other. Even so, my sexual desire has always been higher than hers. When we make love, it is wonderful yet we have never made love anywhere near as much as I have needed to do it. I'm just not one of these guys who demand or push it so I have pretty much followed my wife's pattern of making love sometimes once a week, sometimes once every two weeks especially because her job tends to be very stressful (for me, making love more would help alleviate the stress, however, she just never has felt that way although she has always at least said that I am a good lover - I've always done my best to satisfy her, anyway, when she has wanted sex). Anyway, in recent months I have found myself looking at sexual stuff on the Internet probably way more than I should and I had been looking around for a web site like this where I could post and interact with others about sexual stuff openly, just sort of giving vent to feelings I usually repress. Anyway, with these things in mind, sometimes I have wondered if I need to find a "cyber", that is online girlfriend or girlfriends with whom I could just openly flirt, talk about sex stuff and so forth. How do others here feel about that? At age 55, I have been out of the dating scene for years and have not tried to establish a flirting or sexual relationship with a woman in a long time and am just now starting to "get up to speed" with these things on the Internet. Would a "cyber" (online) girlfriend or girlfriends be good for me and good for the woman or women involved? If so, how would I get started and should I try to do it here or elsewhere? On the other hand, should I NOT do this? Should I just go gracefully into old age and keep my sexual feelings to myself? What do you all think, especially the ladies? Thanks for any constructive, KIND advice. :ugh
     
  2. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Well, after starting this thread, I ended up reading another thread about some members feelings about the related matter of faithfulness to one's significant other. Maybe that answers my questions. I am open to any comments here, however. Thanks.
     
  3. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    It's hard for me to answer, being in a different type of a relationship. This is my perception: Is there ONE person in your life who is everything you need and want them to be? One person who is your very best friend, most personal confidante, most passionate lover? It is not possible, in MY opinion, to be the ONLY person another person needs, or to find ONE person who is everything you need. It would be wonderful, in a way, if that was possible....but God knew what he was doing. If I had one person in my life who met my every need, if I ever lost that person I would die; I would no longer exist; my heart would shatter and I would disappear. So we must share certain parts of each of us with a different people. It's how we maintain our sanity, stay safe, and still feel loved and cared for. Now, in the relationship I am in, we've discussed this, agreed upon this, and made it our way of life. There is someone who is my best friend, the love of my life.......... but there are still things I can't share with him, to be fair to him and to myself.

    My answer to your question is that I have online/cyber lovers. I have physical lovers. Some will disagree with my outlook. I walk in my shoes, you in yours. The difference, hubby knows about them all. He doesn't know all the aspects, all the details, but he knows about it all. No secrets.
     
  4. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    I understand what you're saying. I just have not been able to share what I have been doing with my wife although I love and am faithful to her (well, except for what I have been doing on the Internet). I do greatly appreciate your comments, however. Your hubby certainly has an interesting and attractive wife! ;> While I keep coming here, I'll look forward to your posts. So far, this is the best web site dealing with sexual matters that I have found!
     
  5. Joe

    Joe
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    Speaking as one who's had a number of cyber affairs (before my current wife joined me), I'd suggest you be very careful. I think every cyber affair I had resulted in a personal meeting and r/t sex. Some I kept on a "friendly" basis only, but that wasn't always easy. And those I met (okay, screwed) weren't easy to part company with either. One in particular wouldn't give up, even after my (now) wife moved in with me. She was married and we were friends with benefits. She'd call and chat as long as I'd allow it, and if I wasn't here she'd chat with my fiance. (She did finally stop calling after we were married.)

    Remember, the people we chat with are real people too. Many have troubled lives. Some are a little wacky but hide it well -- until you want to end it. I had a few thinnly veiled threats against my life and threats that they were going to kill themselves.

    If you do decide to have a cyber fling, I'd keep it anonymous. Don't give out your real name, address nor phone number; don't chat more than once or twice; don't form a "relationship".

    Personally, I don't think it's worth it. You can chat here, ask questions, get answers and not hurt someone or place yourself/your marriage at risk. That's just "IMHO" and "YMMV."
     
  6. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    I entirely agree with Joe. Tread VERY cautiously with online interactions. I admit my man and I met online and it has been a blessing for me, but you are married so thats not what ur looking for. However, at the same time I was getting to know my man online, I was also having what I guess you could call a 'fling' with another man. And I'll admit it became an addiction for me. Nearly 3 years into our relationship my man and I still have some pretty serious discussions and issues that we work through about it...so all in all, I don't recommend it for someone in a dedicated relationship
     
  7. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Thanks melicious, BiBiBaby and Joe!
     
  8. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    The more I have read here and in some other sites, the more I agree with Joe and BiBiBaby. Some people online seem to be mentally healthy, however, some obviously are NOT - I wish them well, yet also wish they'd see a psychologist (although some psychologists and psychiatrists can be crazier than their patients). Also, as a married person and church going person (believe it or not) I continue to have this feeling that I really should not be here other than as a lurker. I think that what I am going to do is just pop in here, from time to time, read posts as a lurker and from a psychological/sociological point of view, but not post any more. I pray for God's blessings of everyone who posts here and wish all well. I just really don't belong here as a participant. Guess I just need to grow old gracefully, have sex with my wife when she is interested and let that be it until such time as God calls me on to heaven. :lurk
     
  9. Lusty Dreams

    Lusty Dreams New Member

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    That was a very mature paragraph. You sound just like my husband, although mine is in his very late 20's. I mean you sound exactly like him, word for word. That is why I get so scared for our marriage sometimes. I wonder if he is online or cheating on me, and just not opening up to me about our issues.

    You sound like you have a beautiful marriage. Don't let your dick ruin it for you. Is it really worth hurting her or destroying everything you have built for the past 20+ years, just to satisfy a few of your needs? She is still having sex with you. Have you considered menopause or whatever else she could be going through? Maybe she has a bad body image of herself in her own mind that is holding her back?

    I suggest taking this extra time and energy to search for info to keep your marriage alive and healthy, instead of inviting in the disease of dishonesty.
    I am glad you are looking at how important it is.

    Obviously you have questioned if it is the right thing to do. Deep inside, you know the answer to the question, but it seems like you are looking for someone else to tell you that it's ok, or to go ahead and do it, so you won't feel guilty about it. The way I see it, if the matter is questionable, the answer is there in front of you.

    Good luck with everything.
     
  10. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Sounds like your husband has a wise and wonderful wife! I hope that he appreciates you as you deserve to be appreciated! Thanks for your very kind, wise advice! I will be faithful to my wife! I am currently just using this web site to give vent to some things I needed to give vent to and am also enjoying excellent postings like yours. Unlike some other web sites I've seen, most of the people here seem very intelligent and seem to have good hearts. I wish all the best to your husband and you! If I could, I would give you a chaste yet warm hug! Obviously your husband has a wonderful wife! Take care!
     
  11. Lusty Dreams

    Lusty Dreams New Member

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    Thanks :) I think it is great that you have found :sf and met all these people! It is a very mature, but yet fun place to be, and I myself have received a lot of help and suggestions. I really look forward to coming here every day.

    I wish the best to you as well! I hope I can be lucky enough to stay married for the amount of time you have :)
     
  12. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    This is a really good thread to be in :sf. The reason I say this is because there are some people who come here thinking this is some sort of an internet sex-chat room, where they can get their rocks off while PMing and stuff. I suppose that may possibly be happening a bit. But for the most part, most people on here are here to learn from each other, share their experiences, 'vent' as HerHubby says. But most people value their S/O in their REAL life. We take what we learn or read here, and use it in our relationship we have at home (or g/f, b/f, ....) you get the idea.

    I'm sure some come on here to "meet" someone because of sexual frustrations at home, but while skimming through the posts, they find that there are others going through the same thing, and there are ways to enhance and enrich that home situation. So, even though this is a wild and crazy place :lol - :sf has done some pretty good things!

    HerHubby, thanks for being so open about your thoughts and your problems. It's that kind of openness that keeps it real! :tup
     
  13. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Thanks Rose! And I really enjoy reading both your posts and your good husband's posts (your online names "Rose" and "Thorn" are great too ;>)! You two are a great couple! I'm proud that you two are among my fellow Virginians!
     
  14. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Joe, I had intended to leave here and just not come back. But I had to come back to post one more time and say that in addition to understanding and agreeing with what you said, I was personally shocked about how much I could start caring for people just online here. I started to care way too much about the people here, especially one person, and I cannot believe it happened. I thought that I could just leave here and put them out of my mind, but I care about them and find myself thinking about them and praying for them. And it hurts. Time will diminish that, I guess, however, I don't want anyone here - especially one person - to think that I just left without caring. Please know that I have come to think warmly and highly of you all and I just had to let you know that. I will go now and not come back and, of course, I won't bother anyone here. I am glad that I learned about you all and am grateful for the insights into your lives. If I had enough sexbux to do it, I'd give you all hearts! Thank you for your kindness! Take good care of yourselves! May God bless you all! Gotta go, it's hard to type when I am crying like this. I know this all seems weird, sorry. Take care. Thanks again. -HerHubby
     
  15. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    Cyber-relationships are for the birds

    There is allot of difference between the real world and the cyber world. I can almost guarantee you if you start a 'cyber-relationship' with someone that person is most likely a guy masquerading as a girl. They may say all the right things and act feminine in every way. You might even find the relationship more exciting and fulfilling than your relationship with your spouse. However you are acting out a fantasy just like the person on the other end. The fantasy is not like a sexual fantasy that you are fulfilling but a fantasy of assuming a facade that you are not allowed to assume in your present situation. So in fact you become a fantasy person who may or may not be similar to you in real life. I have know a few people who have met online that took their relationship to the next step of actually meeting. None of them are very happy with those relationships and it is due to the fact of their online facade.
     
    #15 yorkiesmurf, Sep 7, 2006
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2006
  16. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    :eek YOU MEAN I MIGHT BE CORRESPONDING WITH A BUNCH OF OL' STINKY, HAIRY LEGGED GUYS!!! EWWWW!!! :ugh I sure do hope that the people identifying themselves as FEMALES around here really ARE females! I don't mind if a woman doesn't shave and has hairy legs and armpits (to me, that's SEXY on a woman), but I sho' nuff don't wanna ever have an online, sexual relationship with a hairy legged GUY!! I mean, if two guys wanna get with each other, toot their flutes and pack fudge, that's entirely up to them and I hope that they, uh, enjoy each other, but, like rapper ToneLoc once said, "...I don't mess around with no Oscar Meyer weiner!!!" AW MAN, I hope that I ain't just one of a bunch of GUYS around here! I thought that having all male plays went out with Shakespeare! :nerv UMPH, UMPH, UMPH! I think I'm gonna be sick!!! Scuse me!! :puke
     
  17. pirouette

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    Wow, HerHubby! You almost sound homophobic in that last post. Trust me, I'm not a "hairy legged guy". I must admit that a few of my online acquaintances have been surprised that the woman in my picture matches the woman on my webcam.
     
  18. Joe

    Joe
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    I met my wife online, as well as my late wife. If both parties are honest with each other, I don't think there's a better way to get acquainted. Especially with my late wife, I knew more about her before we met face-to-face than I knew about my ex (wife of 27 years). We met before the days of chat rooms and IM, so our correspondence amounted to long emails. (We printed them out and had a 1000-page book.) We never had "cyber sex", just a growing long-distance friendship that turned into admiration and finally love when we met.

    But not everyone is honest, and very few are *totally* honest. Unfortunately, it's that way in real life too.
     
  19. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Oh, allow me to say that if two GUYS or two GALS wanna get together and do whatever it is that they,uh, want to do, that's certainly their business, of course! Uh, um, I just kind of like to think that if I am exchanging messages with someone who identifies themself as being female that they are really a female and if identifying themselves as male, that they are really a male! Just my personal preference, mind you! Forgive my humor! However, I am delighted to learn that your picture is really a picture of you and it is a very BEAUTIFUL picture, too!!! :brow
     
  20. AnonymousOne

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    Truth is an uncommon commodity in the modern world. But I vouch for you.;)