[Ask a Girl] Cunilingus concerns

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by Sagittarius84, Jul 5, 2014.

  1. Sagittarius84

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    So I didn't grow up loving pleasuring girls orally. Im very weird about what I'll put in my mouth and vaginas are no different. Now that Im an adult I don't necessarily have an aversion to cunilingus, but I can't exactly say I "enjoy" it. This is an issue for my gf because she enjoys it, immensely. And despite my reluctance, I'm apparently pretty good at it, so she wants it whenever possible..But I'm not down for it for two main reasons: 1st it feels forced, like something I'm coerced to do. If she had an aversion to blowjobs, or sex in general, I'd stop because the last thing I want is for her to not enjoy the situation. I feel like when she starts pushing my head in that direction or makes comments about the infrequent nature of my trips down there, that it's similar to rape bu coercion. 2nd, aesthetics are a part of my attraction, and when I finally started to perform cunilingus it was to a female recipient that was quite small. So that has become the only type of crotch I've enjoyed sticking my face in. My gf is not small by any means, and while her size doesn't prevent me from wanting to have sex, It does inhibit me from wanting to engage in the full repertoire. Any advice from the ladies as to how to approach this?
     
  2. AGFUNK

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    Honestly if you two are not willing to compromise you both need to move on to different people that fit better.
     
  3. Sagittarius84

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    Define compromise. I mean Ive read about women who have an aversion to fellatio because of hygiene concerns, and so as compromise the man shaves completely and washes thoroughly before sexytime. I don't think I can suggest to her to lose weight so I'll eat her out more without losing my testicles..lol
     
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  4. AGFUNK

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    Compromise on oral. Amount of times you will do it. But honestly I can just see this leading to frustration and lots of other things.
     
  5. Sagittarius84

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    Wow..so what would be her compromise then?
     
  6. AGFUNK

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    Maybe not asking as much. How long have you been dating?
     
  7. Sagittarius84

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    5Yrs
     
  8. AGFUNK

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    Has this been a problem for five years?
     
  9. Sagittarius84

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    Eh, about 3.5 We used to drink a lot earlier in the relationship, and drunk me did a LOT of stuff that encouraged sober me to take over.
     
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  10. 10_3XL

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    At first I thought you were referring to the actual size of her vagina - now it seems it is more of her overall body size? (I can't see why either would be an issue - but I'm an oral fiend. :p)

    In any case, I would say to speak openly and honestly with her on this. If you are feeling coerced into performing cunnilingus that is no different than if she felt coerced in to performing fellatio. By talking you can hopefully reach an agreement on how to proceed with the situation.

    Don't let the feeling of being coerced carry on. That's a veritable breeding ground for other negativity to start. :eek:
     
  11. CaramelLady

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    Was she this size when you were first attracted to her? Do you still find her attractive? Do you enjoy sex with her at all?

    I am confused, why get involved with her if you were not attracted to her?
     
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  12. Sagittarius84

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    I still find her attractive and enjoy other types of sex, but oral is the only real point of contention. Again, I know it sounds weird but the visual and tactile aesthetics of performing cunilingus don't really mesh well with me when dealing with my gf's size. The only thing comparative I can think of would be those that have a size preference when performing fellatio.
     
  13. Doitagain

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    Well when I was young I did not really want to give oral but now it's one of my favorite things to do....When they like it. My current woman does not crave it often . I sort of wish she did but I don't want to do anything she doesn't like. I'll live with only once in a while. I think part of it is she is self conscious and the other...well...ticklish lol. I am not sure how I would feel if she never wanted to give me head. She isn't big on that either but does it and I never request it. In the end , no matter what you have to talk to her about it, I know, easier said than done. Maybe alternatives ? Hand? Toys? Just cut it down to the rare occasions when you want to do it will highten the pleasure for her since she doesn't get it that way often. Either way she has to know how you feel about it. Honestly , I would have to think if after a long time it could make her feel weird if she finds out you didn't like doing it this whole time.
     
  14. 10_3XL

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    I'm still confused - is she "bigger" weight-wise or the size of her vulva or what...? Would performing oral on a woman be different if she were smaller?

    I again stress that I'm probably not the best to weigh in on this. I have an "oral fixation" - always have, but now that I'm an adult I've found it spills over to sexual situations as well as everything else. I absolutely love performing oral on my partner and she loves receiving.

    I suppose just follow Doitagain's advice above. Use alternate methods to please your woman and save oral for "special occasions."
     
  15. Sagittarius84

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    She's "bigger" weight wise, and there is a marked difference in performing cunilingus, at least for me. I wish it were as simple as a hygeine concern, but it really isn't. That's what's making this such a hard thing to discuss with her. I wish I could just tell her to wash a little more thoroughly, or to shave, because I can't bring myself to tell her weight(or rather how her carried weight makes me feel) is the reason why she gets so little "head". So I feel stuck in this situation, wherein I'm obligated to perform this sexual act, that I know she enjoys(as a dutiful boyfriend should), but I can never disclose my aversion to it, lest I have to explain my apprehension.
    Add to that her enthusiasm for all things oral to be performed upon me, and then I feel self guilted into reciprocation.
     
  16. 10_3XL

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    First of all, don't be forcing yourself to do something that you do not enjoy or are out right averse to. Her fondness/enthusiasm for performing oral need not determine your actions. There are other ways to reciprocate than an exact mirroring of her action (translation: oral for oral).
    Second, you must discuss these issues with her. They will almost definitely feel awkward, embarrassing, or shameful to mention and discuss, but it must be done if you want the relationship to carry on in a healthy and productive manner. It will be unpleasant and it will be hard to avoid feelings being hurt - but by hiding this from her you are lying by omission and that is just as bad as outright lying Even this small deceitfulness is giving an opportunity for greater negativity to grow and spread. It obviously is upsetting you, so why let that sensation persist and potentially be made worse?
    Know that you are not stuck in this situation. There are options. Again: I stress that you must be fully, completely, frankly, and possibly bluntly honest with her.
     
  17. Sagittarius84

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    I dont have an issue with discussing the what(reluctance to perform cunilingus), I more so fear the inevitable why. I feel like it will be held against me as if I'm shallow or something..moreso now because she is in the early stages of pregnancy(not enough to show). How do you tell a woman who is about to get bigger due to the fact she is carrying your child, that you feel icky about certain sexual things because of her size? Should I just grin an bear it now and wait until about 6months after the baby is here to have this brutally honest discussion?
     
  18. 10_3XL

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    No, you should not wait! The discussion needs to happen. By discussing the "What?" and the "Why?" you can possibly resolve the whole matter and it will no longer be an issue.
    Don't "grin and bear it." Don't feel shamed or wrong for "feeling icky" - there are certain things that people are averse to and it varies from individual to individual. She should be able to respect that you do not get any pleasure from performing cunnilingus and are actually (internally) opposed to it.
    You need to get that (internally) I put above removed from the equation. Once more: Open, honest, frank discussion of the matter. All parts - what, why, &c.
     
  19. AGFUNK

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    You really should have had this talk a long time ago. Just be prepared for lots of emotion. Pregnant women are a lot more sensitive.
     
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  20. Sagittarius84

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    Yeah, not going to lie, I'm scared as hell to have this convo..I appreciate the support as to my personal comfortability, but I can't help feeling like I'm wrong somehow. I've perused so many web searches seeing if anyone else has this specific concern, it makes me feel like an island unto myself. Every male viewpoint on the subject I've read involves those who can't get enough oral no matter what, or those who aren't at all interested in having any vagina in their mouth at all.
    So any female readers, is there any way a lover could tell you your weight is affecting what sexual acts you engage in, without you breaking up with them?