creeping email/facebook/texts

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by penguins4fuel, May 11, 2011.

  1. penguins4fuel

    penguins4fuel New Member

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    Both my SO and be "creep" or snoop each others accounts and text behind each others backs and pretend we're being sneaky about it but its obvious we both do it. We have both struggled with trust issues in the past and I was wondering: will this procedure help by keeping us honest, or hinder us by breeding distrust?
     
  2. Stefanie

    Stefanie New Member

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    Behavior like this will never keep anyone honest. There is always a way to hide something if you're intelligent and clever enough.

    This is a relationship you need to end ASAP. I hesitate to even say relationship, as relationships require mutual love and trust and it's obvious that you are both lacking the trust part. When a relationship is broken so thoroughly in that manner, I think it's just a good idea if both parties call quits and find someone else they are capable of trusting. If you two have been together for years and this is a recent thing, I'd say it's salvageable with a lot of work, but if it's a new relationship (less than 2 years) I doubt it's even worth it.

    No one deserves a partner they can't trust.
     
  3. Meee

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    It definitely won't help build trust or keep anybody honest. It won't necessarily breed distrust either, but it's definitely a sign of distrust. What helps with trust? Communication. Sit down and have a conversation about commitment and boundaries in the relationship. Get your hopes and expectations on the record. Work out ways to keep communication open. Maybe even express your trust issues--not as an accusation, but as something about yourself that you can work on together. Get it out in the open.
     
  4. backcheck64

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    If you both have that much distrust, I'd throw in the towel now. I never look at my wifes facebook, cell phone, texts, anything. We trust eachother implicitly and have no need. I couldn't be with someone I had that much distrust for.
     
  5. nurseharley

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    sweet home...
    being sneaky (for the wrong reasons) = no trust

    creeping personal emails and texts = no trust

    a good relationship = momentous trust

    in a healthy relationship there is no need for that. it sounds like paranoia.
     
  6. Flame

    Flame New Member

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    In my mind
    A man told me once, "You just have to trust me." I agree that this is the ideal situation but it can be easier said than done, depending on a person's previous experiences. I replied, "No, trust is earned."

    For me, trust builds up over time as a couple gets to know each other. In the beginning of a relationship there can be misunderstandings and you need to try harder to build up trust but as time goes on you shouldn't need to make such an effort.

    For example, when you first meet someone and the phone rings or you get a text when he or she is present, I think it's polite to say who it is. Yes, you shouldn't need to; it should be obvious that it's just a friend, colleague or family member etc. But I think it helps to build trust. After a while you no longer need to say who is calling or texting because the trust is there.

    This is just the way I feel and I'm not saying this is the best or only way. In your case, I'd suggest starting by offering to show all the information that you are both looking for (email, texts, phone records etc). After a while you can agree that it is no longer necessary, or, if you still feel that you don't trust each other you have to decide if you are happy like that or if you would rather be with someone you trust. Also, you could think about why you don't trust this person.