could he be gay

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by starberry, May 22, 2008.

  1. starberry

    starberry New Member

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    Hi there,

    I have been on here before and anyway I am still witht he boyfriend I got some tips on but I am kind of worried about him.
    We have a great sex life, usually once a day (we are young lol), he practically is always hard around me too. He is loving, always touching me all over and cuddling me whenever possible, but some things are making me suspicious.
    He has a mental condition called alcohol induced psychosis where he does and saids weird things, but usually what he saids is kind of honest I guess. Anyway, when we were going out for a while, and comfortable together he was in one of these states and he told me he wanted to suck a guy off. When I confronted him about this later he said to me he probably just said it because he was tryign to freak me out.
    Also, he used to live with a gay guy, who was a ffriend of his mums so he was staying with them. I was also friends witht he gay guy and the gay guy told me he had been with my boyfriend before me and my boyfriend were together. He told me this before me and my boyfriend barely new eachother and he didnt think we would end up together. Its hard to tell if hes lying about it or not as Jools (my bf) said it never happened and is quite adamant it never happened. The gay guy was also kind of dishonestgenerally, stole money and didnt pay rent and I guess hew ould have made it up to brag.
    Other things that make me wonder, he loves blow job porn heaps and heaps. I know it might sound weird but my brother once said to me that he thought blow job porn was pointless because it was only a face and a penis, so it makes me just feel weirded out that blow job porn is Jools' favourite porn of all but he also loves getting head from me so I dont know.

    The biggest one that led me to post this is he doesnt have a computer, but I left my laptop with my wireless USB plug in thingy at his house so he could use it and search for jobs and such. He did look at a lot of porn on RedTube but it was all straight porn. But he also went on a couple of sex chatrooms, which upset me quite alot but meh ignore that for now. I was clocking through the one he had been on and one had saved the user name he was using and it was "bi_boi_6969". I knew it was him, but he denied using that name and when he finaly confessed to it being him he said he just used it to like get gay guys to talk to him so he can abuse them about being gay.
    He is quite homophobic.

    Anyway thats what I am worried about and why, sorry for typos its the middle of the night.

    Mali
     
  2. Mr. G

    Mr. G Member

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    I don't think that means anything. Some men just have fetishes for blowjobs..

    In the other hand ..based on what you've told I wouldn't be too surprised if your man turned out to be a bi-sexual. It's a kind of a cliche that the biggest homophobics turn out be closet gays (a one rather successful movie comes to my mind :p)

    This tells me that he certainly isn't all gay. Don't think an "all the way gayman" could get it hard just from your presence (unless your extremely masculine woman ;) ..just kidding). So basically you shouldn't be too worried. I still believe there's a big chance he is a bit bi-sexual/curious.. It might just be hard for him to admit.
     
  3. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    Would it matter if he were bi-sexual?
    He gets hard from you so that shows he isn't gaygay!

    ^_^ If you advance first and try and explore it, he might open up to you.
     
  4. Dreama

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    I think he's probably bi...There's nothing wrong with that. What I do find a bit disturbing is that he's so ashamed, that he has to make excuses like making a user name for a chatroom, the excuse being so that he can abuse the other gay/bi men. That is sad....So the question is, if he is bi, do you really care that much? He doesn't sound gay. Gay and bi are two totally different things, and I certainly don't think he is gay. But, if you want him to be honest with you, you should have a talk with him (an honest talk) emphasizing that you will accept him however he is, but need to know what things about him you don't already know. Maybe he'll talk with you about it.
     
  5. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    I had a college room-mate who wanted to go to a gay bar to "beat up on and make fun of the queers". He turned out to be gay, after he finally admitted it to himself.

    It sounds to me like your BF is probably bi-sexual. I agree with Dreama...that's not the same as gay. I'd say use this to your advantage...if you'd like to do two guys at the same time, you are well positioned for it. :brow

    I'd also agree with Dreama that you should talk to him...make it easy and non-confrontational. Let him know that if he is bi-sexual or gay either one, that is perfectly fine with you. If you punish someone for begin honest, they won't be honest. He probably expects to be punished for being honest, so show him that you're open-minded (and maybe even turned on by the fact that he may be bi-sexual).

    Good luck!
    BD
     
  6. starberry

    starberry New Member

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    I really dont mind if he is bisexual, doesnt bother me at all. I am very nice when I ask him about it but he is very very touchy and gets very angry. Is there a better way to talk to him?
    He knows that seeing two guys together is a turn on for me too.
     
  7. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Hmmm...ask him if he'd like to have an MFM threesome. Tell him you'd love to (think about it though, and make sure that's true!) Tell him you'd love to see him give another guy head or get head from another guy.

    If someone is afraid to admit their true feelings, then you have to make them totally comfortable and unafraid to say what really turns them on. Serious...my wife and I have been married for 12 years now, and we only recently (within the past 6 months or so) admitted that we are totally turned on by the thought of one of us playing with someone else. True trust takes a long time to build.

    BD
     
  8. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Don't belive it!

    He wouldn't seek out gays on-line if he didn't get pleasure from it. Lots of gays (and straights too) are into the sado-masochistic thing. The abuser ranting vitirol, and the victim cowering and quivering; both of them loving it! Boners in the air!

    You need to get to know who this guy really is!
     
  9. Drakonnen

    Drakonnen Member

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    Alcohol induced psychosis? lol. So...then why does he drink alcohol? *baffled*

    Well, Nancy Drew, I don't think the blow job porn means anything, but if a guy uses your computer and then leaves a bisexual nickname logged in...chances are he is bisexual when you couple that with his statements. Bi-curious, you might say.
     
  10. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    Your situation in all honesty is a difficult one to figure out and I will do my best to give my opinion. My first question does his condition, alcohol induced psychosis, only happens when he is drinking? Only reason for asking the diagnosis sounds a bit like something that would be diagnosed for someone who was heavily intoxicated or was withdrawing from drinking. By asking the question I am trying to get a feel if it is a condition that will not improve or if some event such as drinking triggers it. In any event the diagnosis indicates it has resulted from heavy drinking. From my experience with alcoholics they are not the most reliable when it comes to telling the truth.

    In addition to your boyfriends diagnosis you mention he has lived with a gay guy. This is not an indication in any way of him being gay or bisexual. Even if this guy did mention that he 'has been' with your boyfriend it does not mean he is gay. Furthermore I would suspect he may be joking with you in order to see your reaction. It is difficult to know without seeing how he says it.

    The only evidence you have that he might be gay or bisexual is him going into a gay / bi chat-room. There are many possible reasons for this from his statement of wanting to abuse them about being gay, to do something 'forbidden', to seeing what a chat-room was like and maybe he was in there looking for someone.

    His explanation is a plausible explanation for why he went into the chat-room. Based on your reasons stated as to why you believe he may be bisexual based your posting I have a difficult time giving my opinion. With that said having been around alcoholics and knowing the games they can play it is possible he lying to you. There lies the difficulty with giving an opinion, your reasons does not indicate he could be bisexual but his condition suggests his statement may be suspect. My suggestion would be to discuss this further with him and look for more concrete evidence such as a planned meeting.
     
  11. loveit247

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    I don't know if he is gay but if he was being honest about this he is definately an asshole.
     
  12. cook74

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    My first thought too...:ugh But I think he might have been fibbing.

    From what I have read I'd say he is bi-curious. But since he seems so defensive about it I would be very careful in confronting him about it and/or suggesting mfm or any such thing.

    Your boyfriend needs to grow up and find himself.

    Edit. I love blow job porn as well...Maybe my wife should be worried...
     
  13. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
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    He abuses gay guys for being gay? Does he know that you're bisexual?
     
  14. Dreama

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    He must be having a hard time accepting himself, which is ultra-sad. If I were you, I'd keep reminding him that you're there if he'd like to talk, and be supportive. If you love him, it's something you'll have to wait for him to come to terms with himself. But if two men together turn you on, by all means, if you suggested something like MFM (if you're ready for that), he might perk up a bit, and would maybe understand that you love him no matter what. I hope things turn out.
     
  15. Drakonnen

    Drakonnen Member

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    Although just because a guy is willing to or wants to participate in an MFM, doesn't mean he wants to hook up with the other guy. *cough*
     
  16. starberry

    starberry New Member

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    Yes he is an alcoholic. He used to be much worse but he has calmed down. The psychosis comes only when he drinks to a huge degree and there are extra triggers I cant really remember.

    I think its best for me to wait. He's not going to cheat on my with a guy I think,and if he talks in a few chat rooms there really isn't any harm from it if it helps him identify himself and be more comfortable with who he is.

    I love him immensely. If he's gay, then we will be friends. If he's bi then theres no problem. I'm bi and I don't go around fucking chicks (without him lol).
     
  17. Wirenut

    Wirenut New Member

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    The Kinsey Report on male sexuality said that the vast majority of men were at least slightly homosexual. If he's as young as you imply, he's probably figuring out his own sexual identity right now and where on the hetero-homo scale he falls.

    Is that why he likes blow jobs and porn centered on that? No...all guys like that. I've never met any guy of any inclination who didn't think blowjobs rule.
     
  18. starberry

    starberry New Member

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    OK well update. He told me he is curious about guys, still loves women though. he said it IS mostly about giving head/receiving head from a guy fantasies. He wants to look around for a couple to play with and is interested in older guys. And he didn't sleep with his old room mate.
    He is scared to tell anyone else because his horrible uncle is really homophobic (killed a gay person). I've seen him beat up Jules once too.
     
  19. Bluesy

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    And are you 100% comfortable with this?
     
  20. starberry

    starberry New Member

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    To be honest, no. But I mean we are going ot take it very slowly. Chat to people online for a couple of months and things like that.