Convincing wife or GF something is not gay

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by sgman, Nov 26, 2007.

  1. sgman

    sgman New Member

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    I posted a reply to a few posts this morning and one of them got me thinking...
    First off, let me begin by saying I have nothing against homosexuality. MM, FF or being Bi. okay?

    Now on to more personal matters. I would love to try some things in the bedroom with my wife that can have a more female dominant flavor such as anal play and possibly even strap on play. We have seen some of this before in porn and she's made some remarks like "That's gay" or "He must be gay", etc...

    She's not homophobic either but she just assumed if for example, you'd enjoy having your ass penetrated (Even by your own wife!) that you must be "secretly gay" and unaware of it. Help!

    I explained to her that's it's a bit simplistic to jump to that conclusion but I know that's how she feels. Short of a signed, notarized letter from the "American Heterosexual Foundation", does anyone have any other ideas?

    Thanks!
     
  2. Drakonnen

    Drakonnen Member

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    Have heard read a Cosmopolitan magazine every now and then or something. Thats where my wife had initially got the idea to start playing with the perenium which eventually let to her taking things even lower with finger penetration, which then later graduated to toy penetration.

    When one of the premier magazines for women is telling her that men, HETEROSEXUAL men, will go crazy for this sort of thing, she'll be more equal to try and, and the more comfortable she gets with it the farther she'll be willing to go.

    Actual strap ons might be a big jump eventually (I wouldn't even want to try that, personally, heh), but you can work up to it with enough time.
     
  3. sgman

    sgman New Member

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    Thanks for the advice. I guess I need to start looking at the magazine covers at the checkout line. My wife is 40 and no longer reads Cosmo but if Oprah discussed it, I'd have it made. All hail Oprah :)

    I'm planning a trip for my wife and I to the windy city actually and just found out Oprah wont be taping while were there. I would have done anything to get a set of tix. My wife would love that!
     
  4. Bluesy

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    If it's any consolation, when my ex-husband broached the idea of using an anal toy on him, I'd never heard of any such thing and was afraid that this new desire of his was a sign of latent homosexual tendencies :nerv (I didn't understand how sexual orientation worked at that time and thought there were two classifications: gay and straight.) I think it is so deeply embedded in our culture that male anal penetration = gay that it's going to take some time for everyone to get past it.

    Anyway, I did chalk my concerns at that time up to paranoia and we bought him a butt plug, which I really disliked using on him....anything bum-related grossed me out at the time. I had to become educated on these things; the more I read about sexual trends, the more the realization that there was no connection between male anal penetration and sexual orientation sunk in. And nowadays it's not a big deal at all. If I may make a suggestion, do you think your wife might be interested in joining SF? The more she reads about it, the more, well, "deprogrammed" she'll become. Good luck.
     
  5. sgman

    sgman New Member

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    I would love if my wife joined SF. I just don't think she would though. She would think it's "too weird". Obviously, I should tell her I joined and show her along with the suggestion, but I'm afraid to do it!

    I am embarrassed to say this because it presents a paradox and also puts me at risk of appearing to be a hypocrite. This is because I'm disappointed my wife is not more open and honest with me and yet I'm not behaving any better regarding this. I can only say it's because I am naturally open and honest about things and have grown a bit gun shy from having judgment passed down on me so often. I would NEVER make her feel wrong or foolish for expressing her sexual thoughts but it has not always been a two way street. I guess I'm just not in the mood to have my wife think of me as some sex-freak, deviant or latent homosexual. I'll keep thinking about it however and I'll try to get my courage up and look for a time when she's more receptive. It's got be less risky then....

    "What's that babe, movies? Sounds alright but I was actually thinking of you strapping on a dildo so you can screw me or having you stand over me so I can blow you. ...you know, whatever is less 'gayish' to you."

    Regardless Bluesy, your gradual shift to a position of being a bit more open-minded (If I read you correctly) is both interesting and encouraging to me though. Can you shed a little more light on how and why the shift took place with you?

    Here comes a big tangent...sorry:

    My wife also has a ton of baggage from her childhood that you may not have (hopefully did not have) had to deal with. Without opening a massive can of worms... her father has made it difficult for her not to hate herself and also made if difficult for her not to think of herself as disgusting, literally. How the hell can you be open minded and fully enjoy your self sexually if you see yourself as disgusting?

    My wife is very beautiful but she HATES her body. She has a little extra padding around her thighs and hips and her stomach has a little extra flab but she's 40 and has had two kids. I tell her almost every day how sexy she is and how she really turns me on but she simply can NOT accept it to be real. As you can imagine, it's not helping our sex life.

    She's been in therapy on and off for years. She 's now going to get some extensive plastic surgery including LIPO of her legs, hips, stomach and also get a full tummy tuck. For the record, this is not something I have been pushing or even requesting. In fact, she also wanted a breast job but I talked her out of it. It's all just a bit too much at once. She knows she has got to make sure her mind is in the right place first but we're both hoping this procedure will help. We're hoping it can act as a catalyst in a way to help her move forward mentally also. I know her well and she not the type to become a PS addict at all. She also has very reasonable and realistic expectations. She's not stupid at all.

    It's very hard because she wants' to do so much. Not just sexually. She just want to grow so much but she keeps pulling the rug out from under her own feet.
    I would do anything to help her but I can't do too much. If I try to hard she becomes scared. If you lived her past, you could not blame her.

    We've had some success in the past watching porn to gauge what we both like. I told her I could make a DVD with porn clips that's categorized by porn type (MMF, FFM, FF, Femdom, Glam, GB, DP, etc.....) so that we could sit back with a bottle of wine and and make if a fun "educational hour". She said it sounded like fun, so I'm happy about that. I'd love for us to learn more about each other and take the opportunity to prove she can open up without any fear of repercussions.


    As always...thanks for the input.
     
  6. AnonymousOne

    Gold Member

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    *in a very digital voice*
    Beginning de-construction of perceived social norms.

    File C:/run
    /sexual_debug.exe

    Debugging commencing.

    :lol
     
  7. vampire raver

    vampire raver New Member

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    :lol