confused

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by RJ21, Dec 7, 2004.

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  1. RJ21

    RJ21 New Member

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    well, this could be a long story, so pull up your chair. any advice i can get would be great...

    known this girl for about 3 years now, we are best friends, very close. i am crazy in love with her and she knows this, we have talked about it alot. she has said she has feelings for me, she just doesn't know the extent of them. she wants time to figure out where her head is at, which i dont have a problem with. about 4 months ago she got out of a 2 year relationship that she is still dealing with, trying to let go of. we went on several vacations together this year, and pretty much do everything together and spend every day together. sometimes she will ask me to rub her back, which i will and have done on many occasions. the past couple nights it has led to other things. one of those times it would have ended with sex, but due to lack of rescoures(lubricant), we couldn't have sex. she got upset, and i said that it was ok and next time i would be better prepared, and she asked why i said there would be a next time because we weren't even dating yet. she told me that she was half asleep the whole time, and didn't realize what was going on, which i know isn't true, she helped me undress herself! i asked her what was going on, and she didn't want to talk about it because she has class early in the morning. she promised me that we would talk about it tomorrow, but i am going crazy because i dont want her to think that i forced myself upon her. i love her and would do anything for her, and would never do anything to jepordize us being together. i dont want her to be upset with me...she said she wasn't when i left but she could have been saying that just to ease my mind, i dont know. would love any kind of advice anyone can offer, because i dont know where my head is at right now, or what i should do or say to her. thanks in advance....i had to leave out some of our past history just because its way too much to type, so if anyone has questions that will help with their advice just ask.
     
  2. Logger

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    Dear RJ21,

    My wife prefers to have sex when she is half asleep. I wish I had a cogent explanation for the process. My advice would be to not worry about it. If you figure out an explanation, let me know. I suppose you could read medical and Psychological journals on the subject. Her astrology chart would probably be more helpful. I learned alot about my wife from her Sun and Moon sign, and books on sex preferences by Sun and Moon signs.

    My wife is not really intersted in talking about sex. She just starts dozing off, and I move in.

    I would recommend you follow the Love Diet. Call her with sweet nothings, 3 times a day. Avoid any deep conversations. Find thoughtful gifts. Make plans to be together, exercise leadership. Just be a good lover. If you love her, just follow the rules, and you will be a better lover. If you get dumped, you will still be a better lover, just for the next girl, that's all.

    http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=010377#000006

    Blessings
     
  3. RJ21

    RJ21 New Member

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    thanks for the quick reply! why avoid any deep conversations on the subject?
     
  4. Logger

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    Dear RJ21,

    For men, we love detailed discussions about sex. For a woman, sex in a realtionship is something secondary. The relationship with a man is what a woman values. Sex is not something that is a desire or an interst for a woman, until she has become arroused.

    The fact that GF sleeps with you indicates a level of trust in you. Try to work on being more trustworthy, and more fulfilling of her emotional needs. Doing little things for a woman makes a big difference.

    If you get pushed aside when approaching for sex, wait a little bit, 3 to 7 minutes, and then begin again with arrousing carressing. Breasts, pubic mound, massageing back or leg muscles. Then go to a vulva massage and sucking her nipples. Sequences may vary, but basically, sex is timing, trust, and arrousal, not talk.

    Have you thought about how you fulfill her important emotional needs? Have you looked at the 10 Marriage Builder Emotional Needs, and determined which ones need more focus, and which ones you could let slide to give more focus to her more important needs?


    Affection
    Sexual Fulfillment
    Conversation
    Recreational Companionship
    Honesty and Openness
    Physical Attractiveness
    Financial Support
    Domestic Support
    Family Commitment
    Admiration

    To have better sex, build a better realtionship. To work on a relationship, identify your partner's important needs, and work on fulfiling her needs. Often, look for imporvements, that also serve your life goals, as well as meet her needs.

    My wife would appreciate having a trimmer looking husband, (Physical Atrtractiveness). I could benefit from the exercise that could increase my metabolism and shed some pounds. I should do more regular Aerobic exercise. :whip

    Blessings
     
    #4 Logger, Dec 8, 2004
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2004
  5. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

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    it sounds a little iffy to me? It sounds like what happened in my last relationship a couple yeas ago. it was a thing where it was me i think where i wasn't sure where my head was and what i really was doing, or NOT doing or saying. She(the EX) was occasionally bringing up the fact that she wanted me to talk to her about what i may be feeling and to kinda bond with her i guess besides making out and fondling eachother all the time. So i guess what i am trying to say is make sure that both of you are working together on this and to let her have her time. I think thats all i can give to you at this time. Hope it helps?
     
  6. Logger

    Gold Member

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    TALKING:

    It is important to listen to GF. I have had to struggle to become a good listener. Some people are naturally good listeners, but I would prefer to talk about my ideas.

    If listening is a challenge for anyone, I can share my struggles. It is important to let GF know certain things, that may head off problems or misunderstandings. But I genrally make it a rule not to give my wife, or other women, my stream of conscious thoughts and ideas.

    Blessings
     
  7. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

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    liste3ning wasn't a problem for me. It was more that i struggled to understand my thoughts and communicate them to my Ex GF.
     
  8. zulie

    zulie New Member

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    RJ, it sounds like this girl is jail bait and you need to stay away from her. There are lots of girls out there who want to have sex but then when they do they don't know how to handle their own sexuality and they deny that they had anything to do with it. These are dangerous women. They want to have sex but they don't want to be responsible for it so they say things like, "I was alseep." or "I didn't want to but he..." Dude, that's rape under our current laws. Go onto some of the websites that talk about false accusers and how that gets started. If this girl helped you undress her and was into it then afterwards said she was half asleep and tried to act like she didn't have anything to do with it -- you need to get away from her as fast as you can. If she told that story to the police you'd be in jail right now.

    Drop her like a hot rock. She dangerous... very dangerous.
     
  9. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Dear Zulie,

    You bring up a good point for singles. What works for me as a married man with my wife, could be viewed as criminal rape for single people. If a wife gets into the marital bed with her her husband, I see that as consent. A single woman in bed, and a guy hops in, would probalby not give the same level of legal consent.

    Dear RJ 21,

    The lady does sound a little flaky. When I was single, my partners were not sleeping, but actively participated. Even my wife, back when we were first together. The lady could have some deep issues. Can you get her some counseling or particpate in some seminar or self-improvement program together? What is your opinion of how tight she is wrapped? Are her parents and siblings heads on straight?

    Maybe GF makes you feel Zingy and you think that is love, but committed love needs someone you can trust. What do you mean by LOVE? Do you feel you can trust her? Because if you do not have a deep sense of trust in her, on a number of important levels, then you are missing a key element of TRUE LOVE.

    Blessings
     
  10. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

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    man Logger, you sure do know how to ask the right questions and you really know your stuff.
     
  11. RJ21

    RJ21 New Member

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    thanks for all of your responses. it helps alot. she is a beautiful girl, but she does have self esteem problems, i tell her everyday she is beautiful but she always makes a joke about not believing me. i think her problem right now coming off a long term relationship is that she doesn't really know what she wants. she knows she has love for me, but for some reason she is still hesitant. at times she is more and at times she is less, hence the night the post i stated earlier happened. but yes i trust her, and i do love her with all my heart. its hard to explain and put into words, you just know it when it happens.

    oh and zulie, i talked to her about the whole sleeping thing, and she was just kidding. she was just trying to play it off. i told her that it bothered me and she said that she didn't mean anything like that and assumed that i would know she was just kidding. so that quashed my frustrations on that subject. i appreciate your concern though! i have no fear of her ever doing anything like that, going to the police or anything. i just have to give her time and let her figure out what she wants.
     
  12. -G-

    -G- New Member

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    RJ21,

    I hate to say this man, but without hearing allt he past history I would say that this girl does care for you but not in the way you want her to. It apears to me that you are a very close and dear friend to her but nothing more. However due to her current situation she is using you to fill a void she has. she misses having someone and being physical with someone and you are her rebound. She is probably having an internal struggle with doing this to you because she cares about you and knows it could mess up your friendship. I have seen this happen to so many guys and even a few girls. tread acrefully my friend because your feelings are full speed ahead and hers are not. you could end up hurt and 1 less good friend...
     
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