Confused Please Help!

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by confused08, Aug 28, 2008.

  1. confused08

    confused08 New Member

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    Let me start by saying I have been reading some of the advice on this website and have found most to be very helpful.

    My fiance and I have been together for nine years now. Recently I have come to realize that my fiance is attracted women and thinks about it every so often. Now don't get me wrong I am a guy so the thought of this turns me on. So we have been talking about it a little. She says she just thinks about it and would probably do it. The thing is she is telling me I could be there but she would probably be uncomfortable if I was with the other girl as well. Again I would not have a problem with that either but I would want to be envolved somehow and I am really not sure how I would actually feel if it did happen. After much discussion we have basically come to the conclusion that we should not go through with it for fear of it ruining our relationship.

    So basically I have a few questions. Should I be worried about her thinking and fantasizing about this? Should we do this at all? If not is there anything else we can do to help her fulfill this fantasy? If I marry her do you think that this thing is just going to get worse meaning is this feeling she has going to get stronger? I love her with everything I have and I am willing to do anything for her!!

    I thank all of you in advance for any advice!
    Thanks
     
  2. bucky

    bucky New Member

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    Everyone has fantasies of some sort. I'm sure you have had your share of fantasies. If you are not comfortable with doing it then I wouldn't. There is no way of knowing IMHO if the feeling will get stronger, but I doubt it, unless she is dwelling on the subject. After you get married a lot of things will change, some for the better, some not, and you may become more explorative. I wouldn't let it ruin your relationship if I were you, after all, it's just a fantasy.;)
     
  3. confused08

    confused08 New Member

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    I guess what I am saying is how often does fantasy become a reality? I am just worried that if I do not encourage her to do this that she will do it later on without me. Also I go back and forth on if I would be comfortable with it. Its a huge turn on but then again I might get jealous(especially if I am not envolved). For example we went to the strip club and I bought her a lap dance she liked it and I liked watching it. I didn't get at all upset about that, but thats what made my mind start to think things. Are there things we can do without actually physically going through with it that might help us?
     
  4. AnonymousOne

    Gold Member

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    A fantasy is called a fantasy for a reason.

    The simple fact of the matter is that whether it becomes a reality is largely up to you all and whether you want to actually do the leg work to get out and find someone.
     
  5. Dreama

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    It's a fantasy. I'm a married bisexual woman. I think about the ladies a lot. But, ultimately, I'm not going to betray my husband's trust. Unless he and I agree to it, I would never even want to go through with those fantasies because the loyalty I have toward my husband is too great. I often flirt with other women (and men too) but hubby thinks it is cute, and it gives us one more thing to have in common. Embrace it, don't fear it. If you've got a good girl, she's not going to cheat on you. Plus, it's silly to be jealous about that. You can't police someone's thoughts, and I should hope you'd never want to. Their thoughts make them who they are in many ways. Look at it this way: you probably have fantasies about other women. Should your girlfriend be jealous about that? I bet you'd say no. It's no different.
     
  6. Katprr

    Katprr New Member

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    To be honest most women, not all, do find other women attractive and are curious about what it would be like to be with one. I myself am I bi-sexual women, I have also had a long term relationship with a women, and have been married. Now I can tell you that my SO has now and I have discussed it, and even though I honestly believe that it wouldnt in any way damage or relationship we have decided not to. My X husband and I allowed it in another women in bed with us, who happened to be my best friend. It also didnt damage that marriage other issues did. Do I think you should allow it in yours no, I only say this because it is a HUGE trust thing and I cant tell you how many people I personally know that have allowed it and it damaged not only the friendship but the relationship.
    I believe that this is just a fantasy, or shall I say curiousity in alot of ways. Should you worry about it no.
    Just my opinion.

    :chillpill :)
     
  7. confused08

    confused08 New Member

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    Thank all of you for your advice!

    I know all of you are probably right and I in no way want to ruin what I have(I feel like the luckiest guy in the world). Is there anyway to just entertain the thought? I mean not actually do it but if it turns her on then I am willing to do anything you know.

    Thanks all keep the advice coming! I(we) really appreciate it.
     
  8. unalteredone

    unalteredone New Member

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    It's funny, my bf and I have been dancing around this issue lately too. I would be interested in exploring with another woman, but would be uncomfortable with him having sex with her too. I asked him how he'd feel if i just did it on my own and he said he'd be hurt. For some reason, i was surprised by that, lol. We've essentially put the whole idea on the back burner because it's not likely to happen so there's no point in agonizing over it. One idea i had, was that maybe he could watch, and sort of tell us what to do to each other while he jerks off or something. Kind of like him telling us what he'd like to see so that be both could be fulfilling a fantasy. Maybe that's something you'd be ok with? Just an idea. Or.. watch lesbian porn together?

    While i dont think that she's just go out and cheat on you, if this is something that shes really curious about and has never indulged, it may come up again and again. Talk to her about how serious she is about exploring this idea, and what she'd like to do in the ideal situation. Communicate communicate communicate.
     
  9. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    OMG, what a notable quote. What a mature thing to realize and say. You friggin' go, girl!

    BD
     
  10. Dreama

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    Thanks, BD. :)
     
  11. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    OK, I've seen this said by bi-curious women on 3-4 occasions now. Please explain why you would be uncomfortable with him having sex with her too. It doesn't seem fair to me that you get to play but he doesn't. Sex is sex regardless of the gender of the partner, right? Turn it around...if he were interested in experimenting with another guy, would let you watch but not have sex with the guy too, wouldn't that strike you as not quite fair? Ask yourself if you'd be turned on by watching him and the other girl go at it as well. It just seems to me like you might be short-changing the experience if you only allow him to watch.

    This is NOT meant to sound critical or sarcastic...it's a very sincere question. :)

    BD
     
  12. confused08

    confused08 New Member

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    Does anyone else have any opinions on this post?

    Also noone seemed to answer BassDude's question about this either.
    I am not trying to beat a dead horse here but I think I am still at the same point I was when I first asked. LOL.