confirmation that it isn't me.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by boobjob, Dec 11, 2012.

  1. boobjob

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    I guess one of the hard things about my wife's decreased libido is the nagging doubts that she doesn't love me, that she's not attracted to me that she doesn't find our time together to be fun anymore. But today I got confirmation that it isn't me. She just is so beleaguered by life that she has forgotten how to have fun. I got a call from her brother-in-law that he had four tickets to the 12-12-12 concert at madison square garden. An absolute dream line up of rock and roll royalty. She doesn't want to go. This is HER sister. It is her sister and brother in law being generous (not all that common) Its a 45 minute train ride away. There is no reason not to go.

    If she says no to something like this then no wonder she keeps saying no to sex. Its not me she doesn't like anymore. Its much deeper than that. :shrug
     
  2. biker061

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    with little info i'd guess it's not you and she still loves you. happens to everyone as we age? men buy bigger better toys (boats, sports cars, motorcycles) or act grumpy. women seem to internalize it all and rejecting sex is one way it shows? was with the mother of my son for 20 years befor she passed in '03, wonderful woman, great mom, but for the last 6-8 years she had very little interest in sex. when we had it it was good but once every 8-12 weeks is a long time between. may be hormonal? is she conserned or does she see it as a problem? good luck!

    p.s. ladies if i'm wrong please don't be upset i'm just presenting one guys experience!
     
  3. almostthere

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    Dude ill go,

    Sorry to hear shes not feeling up to some fun. My lady went through a period like that a few years back. Luckily shes gotten back on track. The unfortunate thing was it took a bad situation for her to see how short and fragile life really is. And it is.
    good luck bro
     
  4. boobjob

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    Thanks guys.
     
  5. igor

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    Shit in life can happen. My wife has Alzheimers and one of the things that no longer matters is sex or any form of intimacy.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    Wouldn't be easiest to talk to her about this stuff straight away? This is far too serious of a matter to NOT discuss with her, methinks.
     
  7. boobjob

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    Yeah BW. We are talking. Turns out she had apretty bad migraine yesterday and is wooried she won't be able to go out tonight. She is super defensive. Feeling very guilty. She has a passive aggressive response that drives me crazy. She says she feels bad about things like this and when I express my feelings it just makes her feel worse. I feel pretty certain that the migraines are triggered by her worrying to much and sweating the simple stuff. She spent the weekend on a big push to finish Christmas shopping. It was an arbitrary deadline she set. But she works with a bunch of women and if one of them says "I'm so happy, I finished my christmas shoppimg" she feels pressure. I wish one of them would brag about giving the best blowjob, then she would feel pressure to get me off. LOL

    Anyway sorry. I'm just venting.
     
  8. biker061

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    BW may have the best advice right there
     
  9. Barbwire

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    Glad to hear you two are talking, Booby and you don't have to apologize for venting here, we all do it at some time or another.
     
  10. boobjob

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    Thanks. I just don't want to be another whining husband complaining "my wife won't have sex with me". It is so lame. I usually try to suck it up during dry spells and enjoy sex when it happens.
     
  11. Barbwire

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    I've been one of those women whining I don't get enough in the past. We all go through our phases, hon. Good times are just around the corner. Chins up!
     
  12. boobjob

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    Your lips to God's ears babe.
     
  13. CurvedUp

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    Hey boobjob. I am on the other end of this. I reconnected with LML. She has three women friends who are "Christian" women. They are married to, one who is a Mormon, who many "Christians" don't think they are. Another one who's husband at one point moved his concubine from FL to here, give her a job, car and housing, the third who's husband has called her fat since baby number one. 24 years ago. And is not allowed to know their finances. Yet they are still with them. Of the three not sure of their sexual life, but I am guessing at least one has not had anything for a long time. One might still be sexual and the other, they just had a kid. Nothing for a lifetime?

    Here is where I am. We have been with each other for over 6 years. minus three months. All three of these women have told her that sex not being married is a sin. Yet from what I have read. What they are living is a sin living their life.

    Now she thinks that our committed life we have lived how we have to live it, is a sin based on how three different women in three different understandings of the Bible tell her how to live it. Two have had dreams telling her the sex is wrong outside of marriage. And we are, me in 53, her 48. Where does the Bible say this. None of this was about Mankind living past 35. And they married at 13. Much of the New Testament is about Jesus coming back in a very short time, at that time.

    For me it is about love and Loving her still over all this. Not sure I can leave the LOVE just for sex. Even though, that seems to be lost for now. At some point religion might be the deciding factor in this and her friends that define it.

    Have you ever though about menopause?

    After all of this I know your pain.
     
    #13 CurvedUp, Dec 12, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2012
  14. boobjob

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    Hey curved. Thanks for the thoughts. Our religion and menopause are involved. Right now I'm watching the concert and wifey is in bed still fighting off the migraine. We'll get through this.
     
  15. redic

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    hey boob. the wife and i had a very rough couple of yrs. and alot of what you are describing fit with what she was going thru. migranes, lack of sex drive, withdrawn, mood swings, she was diagnosed with depression. it took alot of work and we are still working on it every day.

    it gets better, just hang in there.
     
  16. boobjob

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    Thanks redic. I hope I am half as blessed as you. RG is a sweetheart.