Condom. Questions. Long post.

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Jayce, May 5, 2006.

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  1. Jayce

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    First post here. I did some searching but I couldn't find what I was looking for. It's nice to finally find a forum that seems to have intelligent people who post often, as opposed to some other forums I've found on google that people have only responded 2 or 3 times since the turnover of year 2000. :eyes

    My girlfriend goes to college, but she also lives at home during the summer. Now, since she lives at home, there's no way shape or form she can get her hands on some pill form birth control without her parents knowing, is there? Her parents are very nice people, and treat me like a son, but they are incredibly naive and would only cut off my willie and chain her to the side of the house if they ever found out that we've done anything.

    Anyway, about the condoms. Her and I have just been using condoms, but they always are the spermicidal kind, and I even pull out before I go. I never go inside her even with the condom on. I constantly check it and lube it up/put it on properly before we do anything. Now, I've been reading a lot that the spermicide can actually cause sores which are only more vulnerable to STDs... well, I don't care, her and I lost our virginity to each other so the STD thing is out. Now, the sores wouldn't at all contribute to a higher rate of pregnancy, would it? I read it did but I could of sworn it was a typo...

    And for the final question, this may seem kind of weird but after finishing and taking the condom off, I have a holding it out in front of me and blow downward, forcing air into it. Then, clamping the top shut to trap the air, and pinching it shut as if it were a small balloon. Then I take about 10 seconds to examine it and make sure no semen is coming out and there's no visible tears, then simply toss it away. Now, if there is no air leaking or anything, and I'm positive that I put the condom on right and didn't have any spillage, then I guess it's safe to say that no whoopsies could occur? Sure, nothing is 100%, but still... you guys I'm sure understand what I mean by that.

    Oh, lastly... the spermicide in the condoms, does it even do anything? There's times where I just want to take a dive for some oral after we're "done" but it tastes like I'm biting into a block of petrolium jelly... I've thought about going with some flavored condoms, but for some reason I just don't want to let go of the spermicidal ones... Even though it may not be a huge help, every little bit DOES help... I just get the oral out of the way first, and stick to the spermicidal ones... *shrugs*

    Any opinions, info, stories, etc would be helpful.
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    She's in college? - Hun - she CAN get birth control pills. She can go to ANY free clinic - or even her student counselor and get it. DO NOT be inhibited into having less-than-safe sex!!!
    You are being very careful, and for that, I commend you.
    The spermicide can't hurt, so more power to you.
    I have found that KY lubrication is very sweet. After sex, even with a condom, the taste is quite pleasant. No petroleum flavor.

    As far as 'sores' being an 'in-road' for STD's - that is only for multiple partner sex.
    Welcome to SexualForums, and please feel free to ask any questions you have.
    We are not medical professionals, but some of us slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
    :lol
    .. and some of us even slept there with our OWN partner! :rofl
     
  3. Jayce

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    What quantity would they give them in? Like would they just give her a week supply or something? Hell, is it something I could do? I'd so much rather go for them than her, because her car is literally about to explode and she doesn't have much free time to drive somewhere just for the pills, especially now with finals and all that.

    I just wasn't sure if they'd be like OH HERE YA GO! and give me a case of BC pills or if I had to go through a bunch of paperwork and shit. :(
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    It's easier for kids to get BC than it is for a 'medicine-dependent child' to get life saving medication. LOL
    No, you cannot get them for her. Seriously, she will be given a routine medical exam, at which point she will be given Birth control. You must use condoms for the first full month of Birth control, as a precaution. She must take them daily for 30 days, before expecting them to be effective.
    Usually , she is given a prescription. if she cannot afford it at a regular pharmacy, they will give it to her on a monthly basis.
    At this point, she is considered an adult. She may make ADULT decisions for herself. It is up to her to realize that she IS an adult, and it is up to HER to map out the rest of her life.
    Hope this helps ;)
     
  5. Jayce

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    Interesting. What's the name of the place around here... uh, planned parenthood? I think it's pretty well known. Would that be the type of place to go to?
     
  6. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    You don't have your location in your profile. I would look in the phone book for clinics. Usually all major cities have either a planned parent hood or clinics for low-income individuals. A friend of mine is a nurse and she works at one such clinic.
     
  7. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Her college could be a place to start. Medical professionals are TRAINED to not relay ANY information to anyone outside of the office.
    Planned Parenthood is one of the major sponsors of such programs.
    An area "Free Clinic" will give you some good info, if not the full medical treatment that she needs.
     
  8. Jayce

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    I'd just so much rather be able to do this myself, because with her in college and stuff it'd be hard.

    But anyway, let's just take birth control out of the equation. Do you folks think I'm playing it as smart as possible? With the balloon condom, making sure it hadn't had any ruptures or tears in it, and pulling out and everything?

    One side of me just tells her that she doesn't even want to have sex (intercourse) until we live together. But sometimes when things get hot and heavy, she actually orders me to or she'll just put her clothes back on. Not like I exactly object, but sometimes I mention to her that originally she said she didn't want to do any intercourse. So, if she were to get on BC, despite the fact it'd be much safer, I think she'd almost feel guilty 99% of the time, because she knows WHY she's taking it. You guys get my drift? Meh... As mean as this may sound, it's such a shame she doesn't still have irregular periods and have a reason to take BC like she did in middle school/early high school!
     
  9. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Okay - then SHE needs to deal with her sexuality. Guilt is something that is 'in-bred'. This is the point in her life when she breaks the ties with being under the control of parents, and makes her own decisions.
    You are here, speaking for her, but the bottom line is... she is not sure she wants all this responsibility.
    She knows she gets to that point where she CRAVEs sex, but doesn't want to make the decisions necessary to have safe and child-less sex. You two need to have a serious talk.
    jmho
    :rose
     
  10. Jayce

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    Oh no no, she only demanded it when she knew I had condoms and/or when she had condoms. She'd be incredibly turned off instantly if we ever did anything unprotected.

    I guess we will just have to have a talk. But in the end, at least we're using something. Right? The thing is, even if she was on the pill, I wouldn't be doing anything different. I'd still be using condoms and pulling out anyway. It's so hard to trust something when there's no "physical barrier" right there before your eyes. But for the time being, with the pulling out and spermicide, I guess we're still pretty safe?
     
  11. Puss_in_boots

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    Hello Jayce and welcome to the forums.

    When I was a student at the University of Oregon, I went to the student health center for my annual pelvic exams and birth control pills. Both the exams and the pills were free as long as I was a student at the university. The university wanted to make birth control as easy as possible to obtain. Also there are strict doctor/patient confidentiality laws in place so there's no way your girlfriend's parents could find out that their daughter has visited a clinic and is on birth control, at least not from the clinic. If she's over eighteen then she's legally able to have sex and legally able to obtain birth control without her parent's consent and/or knowledge. Planned Parenthood and many women's clinics offer their services, including birth control pills and other forms of conraception, inc, condoms, for free or discounted rates for patients under the age of 20.

    Personally I think the parents are fooling themselves if they think their daughter who's away at college and who has a boyfriend is not being sexually active, or at least has the potential to be so. It's always, always better to be safe than sorry. My parents got me and my younger sister on birth control when were about sixteen. We didn't see it as encouragement to have as much sex as possible, but rather as a precautionary, practical thing.

    Also I really think you and your girlfriend would enjoy sex a lot more if she was on the pill. It's almost 100% effective, more effective than condoms, at preventing pregnancy. The pill can never break, right? The reason why I'm on the pill is so my boyfriend and I can enjoy sex without a physical barrier between us, and it's so much more pleasurable that way. If you're interested in the odds, my boyfriend and I have sex everyday, sometimes multiple times a day, with no condom, and he always finishes inside me, and I haven't gotten pregnant yet..;) I realize everyone's different but I just wanted to give you an idea of how effective the pill really is.

    Good Luck,
    Puss_in_boots
     
    #11 Puss_in_boots, May 6, 2006
    Last edited: May 6, 2006
  12. Puss_in_boots

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    This got me thinking about the efficacy of different methods of birth control and I found this website ->http://www.smartersex.org/contraception/efficacy_chart.asp The information here pretty much confirmed what I knew all along, that the pill is much more effective at preventing pregnancy than condoms, but I was surprised to find how much more. According to the information on the table, a woman's chances of getting pregnant after a year of perfect use of condoms as birth control is 3%, and with typical use it goes up to 14%. Whereas with the pill the chances of a woman getting pregnant after a year of perfect or typical use is 0.01%. So as you see, your girlfriend is more than 300 times more likely to get pregnant if you're using condoms alone. Using spermicide does help increase the efficacy of condoms but even then with perfect use, it's still not nearly as effective as the pill.

    The pill is 99.9% effective, and it's really not necessary to use condoms and spermicide along with it. Just keep in mind that having sex is perfectly natural and normal..none of us would be here if our parents hadn't have had sex, right? So your girlfriend shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to have sex, especially since she's over eighteen. Also, if she wants to have sex but feels guilty about taking the pill it sounds like there are some issues that really need to be worked out. Anyway, I just thought the raw statistics might be more convincing than my opinion. Cheers!
     
  13. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    Very nice link there Puss.
     
  14. Rose

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    it's always good to unerstand exactly how the different methods of birth cvontrol work. That, too , will help you make an educated decision on which method is best for you.
    She may have issues with the fact that some people consider some types of BC pills to be unethical. I am not talking about the morning after pill, but regular daily-use pills. Since some pills actually allow the egg to be fertilized by the sperm, just not allow it to attach to the uterine wall, they see this as a type of abortive procedure.
    If this is something she is dealing with, again, a long talk is in order. There are many good methods, and many different types of BC pills on the market. Educate yourselves, then take the necessary actions.

    An YES, you are doing well to be as protective as you have been so far. But like Pussnboots said, there are more effective methods out there.
    Good luck to the two of you!
     
  15. Jayce

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    Yeah. If anything ever happens again and we get into the talk, I'll bring this up. Of course then she'll probably say that we just won't have sex until she's out of college, but anymore I don't care. She just finished her first year, and I'd rather her not goof it up by simply deciding one night that she wants to have sex and condoms is all we have.

    But yeah, I'll see what happens. I do know one thing, though. For three years her and I have just stuck to using our hands/oral, and we were more than happy with that. Maybe we'll continue using that method, and just stay away from intercourse, I don't know. Maybe she'll listen to me and we'll pick up some BC, I don't know. We'll have to see.

    Edit - Now, question. I know you're telling me all about planned parenthood and that's great, and I know if we go to a doctor it'll probably cost... but say we did. Say she schedules an appointment, and gets on birth control. THEN can her parents find out, simply because they will see the billing information?
     
  16. Puss_in_boots

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    If secrecy is paramount I'd recommend a little subterfuge. Have her write her university address or even your address on the medical forms. If she schedules an appointment at her university health center then there shouldn't be any paperwork and no billing. At least I don't remember being billed, because the services were free.
     
  17. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    There are ways around that.
    You really CAN talk to the doctor, let him know that you all are making this decision, against her parents wishes, and that any billing or any mail-outs period, must not go to her address. She can not recieve phone calls at her parents' home giving test results, or reminding her of "tomorrow's appointment".. etc.

    You all really are making this much harder than it is. Perhaps 20 - 30 years ago, it was more like that, but the medical profession is very pro-active to making birth control available to anyone who is sexually active.
     
  18. Jayce

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    Rose... You may think I'm really making this harder than it is, but trust me... I'm not. Her parents treat me like a son, but also like to convince themselves I've never seen her rack before. Hell, they still get pissed off if we both go upstairs and she comes down with a different shirt on. I mean, what the hell? They got married after dating for 6 months. We've been dating for 4 years, and won't be getting married until she's done with college (3 more years). So it's like, seriously... It's as if they are living in a different time zone.

    To them, birth control isn't safe. To them, birth control means you are having rotten dirty wild pig sex. When you take birth control, that means you WILL get pregnant because you will be so much more careless about the way you have sex. I mean, it just gets ridiculous, so whatever decisions her and I make will be entirely up to us, and have to be completely excluded from her parents at all costs. Otherwise my dick will be chopped off and she will be chained to the side of the house.
     
  19. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    You said it perfectly, Jayce! Whatever decisions you all make will be entirely up to you two, completely excluding her parents at all costs!

    They do not have an educated understanding of birth control. We suggest that the two of you get ALL the information, and then decide.

    All i am saying is, you have an entire medical profession on your side, to help you keep this totally out of her parents' knowledge. They understand what kids are having to deal with, and will normally bend over backwards to help you all stay safe, and childless, as long as you want.

    Hope you don't think I am somehow putting you down. Quite the contrary.... I commend you for wanting to do the right thing. I just want you to understand that young people all over the country are having to do this very same thing. You are not alone, and you will not 'stick out like a sore thumb", should you decide to go for it. Good luck, Jayce! :tup
     
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