Come Someone Please Help Me…?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by PhillySick0, Dec 3, 2011.

  1. PhillySick0

    PhillySick0 New Member

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    Hello everyone,

    I was searching the web, looking for help on relationships and I came across this site. This is my first time ever posting a “Thread”. My reason for this post is to get some feedback and thoughts on my situation. I was with a girl (I will call her Amanda) for around 7 years, we had a son together. We both partied a lot when we first meet. Drinking, smoking (weed), snorting (coke) and taking pills. Well eventually we fell in love and planned to get married. Amanda stopped all the partying and substance use after about 2 years, me on the other hand, I only got worse. I started snorting heroin, then shooting up. Amanda stayed with me even as I got worse. She always supported and tried to help me get better. To make a long story short, I just kept using and eventually she got tired and moved out. I need to say that for almost a year we didn’t have sex, this was my fault. I never found time for her or my son. Anyway, during this year of abstinence she began talking to a guy (I will call him Joe) {I didn’t find out about Joe until after the break up}. For the month she was gone I did a lot of thinking and hurting. Well, I came to the realization that I love her & want her back and that she was right for leaving me. I called her and told her that I am sorry, how I felt, and what I am going to do get help. The good news was she was happy to hear that I finally “woke up” for lack of a better word and was ready to get to work on helping myself. The bad news was she also told me she was seeing some guy “Joe”, I asked her when she started seeing him and she said she meet him about 6 months ago and that they were talking & hanging out, but that she didn’t hook up with him until she broke up with me. She also told me she is living with him now. I was upset with what she had told me, but I could understand her better after she explained that she was lonely. Now to get my situation, I asked her if she would get back with me if I truly cleaned myself up this time, she said yes. We have been talking a lot since then and I asked her if she ever had sex with “Joe”, she said yes one time, and that he wore a condom. Well ever since I heard that I can’t get the thought of him putting his dick in her and then cumming, even if it was in a condom. I really do love her and “I think” I still want to get back with her, but this whole situation is taking its toll on me. If anyone has an opinion or any thoughts that could help me, please share them. Thanks in advance. Philly
     
    #1 PhillySick0, Dec 3, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2011
  2. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

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    Hi PSO,
    First welcome to SF
    As to your question I doubt you are going to get any comfort here.
    Frankly you blew away your relationships by substituting everything you had with drugs.
    You can start over new but not with the ones you burned and BTW you have no right to feel jealousy toward the dude that helped the woman whilst you were selfishly blissfully absent from her life.
    Clean yourself up, learn from your mistakes and move on ok?
     
  3. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    LB is onto my initial reaction, so I'll try to go easy. Here's the problem for both you and "Amanda." Forget her sex with Joe, the problem that both of you would have is that you will each associate the other with the way things were. If she in any way enabled your behavior, she may still enable it or else she'll be acting differently and you may have difficulty with the difference between the way she acts and your expectations.

    Bottom line is it complicates things and it's probably better for both of you to have moved on.

    That's my view as it pertains to you and her.

    What's tough is that my opinion is different when it comes to the kid. Moving on from your responsibility to him is not something I would agree is best. Maybe if the best thing for him is some other dad that's something.
     
  4. Ashlee41293

    Ashlee41293 New Member

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    Hey Phil, I know you have probably beat yourself up enough, but it sounds like she was neglected for much too long and again she is willing to try with you. In order for you both to move on hopefully and have a stronger relationship together i think you should work on letting it go, it's already in the past. Focus on now. Well wishes ;)
     
  5. Gummo

    Gummo Member

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    REALLY?.......damn.
     
  6. Mittimer

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    My opinion?
    You fucked up. Big time. You neglected not only your girlfriend but your SON. A child has no choice in the matter and regardless of what you said or did I wouldn't get bag with you after subjecting a child to that type of lifestyle.

    She moved on, accept it.

    As far as you "thinking" you want to get back with her? That's not enough. You showed her that she wasn't important enough to you while she was there and if she's smart, she wont come back regardless of your pleading and promises to clean up.

    You need a lot more then to just decide to clean up. You need rehab, you need medical testing to make sure you don't have a disease from heroine use. You need to see a professional about this and go through counseling to even see whether or not a family is right for you right now. With your past and likely present, the onset stress of having a girlfriend and child in the house again can likely cause you to relapse.

    Think about what you're doing before you do it. Think about all those involved and not just yourself and your loneliness.
     
  7. Priapus

    Priapus New Member

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    Sorry to hear about your situation.

    IMO your main focus should be to get clean for you and your son. As was said get proper the proper help.
    Probably easier said than done but do it for the kid and yourself, not because there may be a chance for you and your ex, sadly things will probably never be the same.

    Good luck to you
     
  8. almostthere

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    Dude, good luck with getting your life together. Put your son before your feelings. He's going to need you and need you to be there and clean. As for your girl? Let's say she would have married and started a family? If she's really the one you love, you should love her enough to let her be happy and move on. Who knows maybe a few years down a clean road and things will fall into place